Thursday, October 2, 2008

Thanks, Apologies, and Evolution

Thank you for all the really great comments on my previous post. It's nice to be reminded of things I forget. And to be commiserated with. So thank you.

And two apologies: Omar, I am sorry. You aren't losing your mind. My only defense is, I am a woman, and as such I tend to be moody and/or fickle. I try really hard not to be, but it comes oh-so naturally. But, you probably didn't need me to tell you this. You had email proof.
My only two excuses: 1. Moody 2. Insomnia

To My Tuesday Night Book Club Group: I don't know what my problem is. Sometimes when I'm down, as I was on Tuesday, I lose my filters. Filters that should be in place to make you socially acceptable---likable, even. I did not bring those filters to book club and I'm sorry. I came only with my severe case of diarrhea of the mouth. Please forgive me. Next time, I will be quiet, demure, likable even!

And now, for the evolution part. I call this, "Evolution Of The First Time Parent of A Kindergartner" It could be said more succinctly, I'm sure---but try as I may, my brain of sludge can not figure it out this morning.

A Couple Of Years To A Couple Of Weeks Before Kindergarten:
My kid is brilliant. I wonder if they will request to have him moved to the 3rd grade after 2 hours of interacting with him. I think the testing they do beforehand will show brains the likes of something they have never seen before. "Oh honey, do you think if they want to move our baby up to 3rd, or 4th, or even 5th grade, we should let them? I mean socially and all...?"

Day Before Kindergarten:
"Your son did excellent on the language arts portion on the test. He didn't really know what a sphere was though, so I had to mark him down on the math portion. Otherwise, great job!"
Frickin frackin stupid test doesn't account for genius of appearance, cuteness of love handles on a skinny kid, adorableness of speech impediments, charming cowlicks and sheer brilliance of deduction with his 5-year-old syllogisms. "Illegal means very bad, taking naps are very bad, naps are illegal."

First Day of Kindergarten:
Auuuuuughhhhhh my baby! My heart is being torn from my chest! I can't let him go. He's mine, he's always been mine and only mine. I've only had to share when I want to. I have molded and shaped him---he really believes I have eyes in the back of my head, he thinks collecting cans is the best paying job in the country, he does totally obnoxious and annoying things that I find endearing and hilarious, my mornings aren't complete without his hugs, neither are my mid-mornings, early-afternoons, or afternoons, I need to hear his realizations from the backseat of the van, "OHHHH! I get it! After a WHILE, crock-oh-DILE rhymes! THAT'S why Dad always says that!" I can't give him up for nearly 7 hours. That's more time than I'll get with him. I can't.

Oh thank goodness for shorter days on Wednesday. I'll get him one hour earlier in the day. I will live for Wednesdays. I will cherish Wednesdays. Wednesday is the new Saturday. Greatest day ever. I wish he only had to go to school for 4 hours and Wednesdays were 3 hours....

Second Week of Kindergarten:
Come here buddy, I missed you so much! Did you miss me? Not really? Oh well, I'll fix that...

Second And Third Wednesday:
WELCOME HOME! I have some cookies for you, they are still warm from the oven. Here's a collage I made for you to put on your folder, it's all the things I say and all the things we like to do together, you know, for times when I you miss me. I also made you some Baklava, you know how you mentioned learning about it that one time 8 months ago? Come snuggle. Let's read all the books on our bookshelf like you always want to and I never will.

Fifth Week of Kindergarten:
How early can I drop you off at school? Why are you still here? What did your teacher tell you about burping? Does Mrs. ________ know you're here?

6th Wednesday of Kindergarten:
Why are you home so early? I'm gonna have a word with your principal, these early Wednesdays are getting on my nerves!

First we abhor, then we endure, then we embrace.


ucmama said...

Listen at you! Letting Bo spread his little-red-headed wings!

MommyJ said...

your second and third wednesday behaviour is better than I have ever been in my entire life of parenting.

Loved the evolution.

Methodical wormer said...

I'm terrified of all day kindergarten at a public school but I still have a while to figure it out... What's so wrong with half day??

The Howertons said...

I'm so glad I read the whole post.

I was beginning to feel like a bad mom for LOVING all day Kindergarten - but I like the way you put it... Evolution. Except I never Evolved. I've always enjoyed them gone all day and I never did like Wednesdays! :) Dang the early release..

Wanna Babysit?
Ok - only kidding. :)

Tori :) said...

When Tristan went to kindergarten I was all upset because it was full day and I thought he would love his teacher more than me, etc... When we moved to Utah and Alec started kindergarten I was like, "What!?!? It's only 2.5 hours a day?!?!? WHY!?!??!??!? Why don't they have full day??? Whaaaaa?"

iowamom said...

I thoroughly enjoyed Tuesday night. When else do I get to listen to someone (other than my two year old) tell me about her life. You keep me entertained, and it REALLY helped me to realize that I'm not alone in all my craziness! :)

iowamom said...

Not implying that you are crazy. AT ALL.

Olivia Meikle said...

Not to say I told you so . . .

but didn't I tell you so?

Olivia Meikle said...

And MAN! WHY did I miss book club? I LOVE Nobody's diarrhea-of-the-mouth. It's fun.

Klin said...

I wuv you.

"Oooooh I get it. . ." is my favorite. I remember when Monkey Wrench was 5. He was watching me shovel the snow before taking him to school. it was followed by "you take the snow off the driveway." I've always tried to figure out what he thought before. :)

Robert and Natalie said...

You really are one of the funniest people I know. How did you get to be so smart beautiful and funny!

omar said...

To be clear, this is your blog and you can comment and delete comments as you wish. My intent wasn't really to call you out. I was just confused because I spent like 3 hours* formulating an unpredictable reply, but then the comment disappeared and my reply wouldn't have made sense.

* That's a bit of an exaggeration.

Cindy said...

12. 38. 31. You need to share your blog friends with me. And I am glad you came to book club. Just hearing your name puts me in a good mood. You always make me laugh.

I loved the post and I am sure many, many moms feel the same way about the first day of kindergarden. And a few months later!

Love ya!

Sketchy said...

Yeah, I'm surprisingly well adjusted to having all my kids in school full-time. Jon's home sick today, and he's cramping my "me" time.

Did I say that outloud?

I mean the poor, sweet boy is home sick, poor darling.

Code Yellow Mom said...

Shoot. I'd a bought a plane ticket to Iowa to be at book club when Nobody has diarrhea of the mouth. I'll pay for a plane ticket the day you decide to be demure, too. Just let me know.

Your evolution is funny. Cal is LOVING all day kindergarten and I can't say that I miss him as terribly as I thought I would, but the idea still irks me. A lot.

Baklava? Are you kidding me?

Physcokity said...

Very astute observations. I like! ;D

"What's so wrong with half day??"
Two words. Working parents.

Charlotte said...

My first four kids were in all day kindergarten (in 3 different states), but my 5th starts half day next year. I heard that there is a charter preschool that does full day. I am putting him on the waiting list next week. Only one child at home all day? It will be like Christmas on steroids.

Kikibug said...

So, how many of us parents think our kids are going to be bumped up a grade or 2 before they start K? I was crackin up so hard at that.

You crack me up! As always. When I am grumpy.. as I just was before entering your blog.. I come to read your blog. And it did the trick.. thanks!!

aubrey said...

i love the second and third wednesday the best. "I also made you some Baklava, you know how you mentioned learning about it that one time 8 months ago?" a little over the top, maybe?

Emily said...

so true. so true. SO TRUE!!!
I'm still laughing at second and third weeks. . .I made you some Baklava. . .

Oh, I so love you Nobody.

No Cool Story said...

"Here's a collage I made for you to put on your folder, it's all the things I say and all the things we like to do together, you know, for times when I you miss me."

You have never made me one of this. Makes me wonder Nobody.
Really makes me wonder.

No Cool Story said...

So, how Bo doing in college this week? Ready to graduate I bet.