Friday, February 6, 2009

To My Bestest Favoritist Anonymous EVOH!

Today, and it's barely 9 am, has been a monumental day, one I will remember forever. I'd be lying if I didn't admit, it's already shaped up to be the best day ever.

It's the beeeeeeeeesssst daaaaaaaaaaaaay eeeeeeeeever!

I didn't want it to get lost at the end of my comments on an older post, so I'm bringing it up here, to share.

Join me, won't you?

At 6:08 AM, Anonymous came to my blog. She's lovely. Say "Hi" Anonymous! I bet you didn't realize you'd get such a warm welcome coming to my blog. Well, what you don't know (because you clearly haven't read my blog before, or actually read the post you commented on) is that I LOVE EVERYBODY. Especially you.

Anonymous wrote, in a 6 AM tizzy over my last post:

"How can you sit there and bad mouth your own child? Mu God do you really hate him that much that you devote an entire about how awful he is. Do you understand that millions of people would LOVE to be parents to a child any child yes even your problem child. I hope to God he never reads what you write about him. My heart is breaking for him. Dose your husband also hate him? I can't imagine feeling so much hate toward any of my children.

So the weather sucks, pack up the kids and take a vacation somewhere warm, go to the mall and play at the indoor play grounds. Why sit in the house and piss an moan all day? I mean really your an adult make the situation better. Oh thats right you probally wouldnt want to take your son. Maybe he can stay with loving grandparents.

This post of yours really makes me sad.

Praying for your son to find peace and love somewhere then at home."


I can only assume she was in a tizzy, on account of things like "that you devote an entire about how awful he is." Entire what? Don't tell me she knows about my "I hate my son shrine". Crap. And I particularly enjoy "...peace and love somewhere then at home." Huh? So many interesting ways to read that!

I also liked "Maybe he can stay with loving grandparents." I love the suggestion. They won't take him either! But this isn't about me. This is about YOU Ms. Snit Anonymous.
My formal response:


YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!

I got my first troll.

I can't even describe how exciting this is for me. In nearly three years--this is my first real one.

Thank you Anonymous. Thank you for referring to my oldest child as a "problem child". I think you were accusing me of that, I think, but I can't be sure. But WOOHEEE! In all your righteous indignation, you failed to notice that in a million years I would never do that to a child of mine.

But, there are other issues too.
*You assume I'm an adult. What is THAT about?
*I only know how to "piss and moan" it would be breaking a lifelong habit of WHO I AM and I really don't think kids are worth that kind of effort

I HAVE packed up the kids and taken them to a germ infested nasty ol' indoor playground. But I didn't take HIM! Are you kidding me? He's such a problem.

Please keep praying for my son. Perhaps "Mu God" will tell you in all your holiness, that you will never find a more cherished or adored child on the face of this earth.

p.s. I tried to "dose my husband" once--- as you suggested. Apparently that's illegal. Keep praying for us. We have so many more issues than the ones I blog about. Oh, no we don't. Who am I kidding!?

But seriously, thank you for your devotion to my children, and your obvious compassion for my rotten son. He's "probally" a better person now that you've put me in my place on my blog, anonymously.

Don't you wish your bloggy got a troll like mine, dontcha, dontcha!? ♪ ♫

It's everything I ever hoped it would be, and more.

62 comments:

Cindy said...

First!

Cindy said...

I actually just commentd twice on your last post. Because your response to Ananymous's comment almost made me cry...I laughed that hard.

So, I won't post the same thing twice!! You are Awesome!!

Tori :) said...

I heart you Nobo!! I love when people comment like they know you. Gimme a freakin' break. You let the kid have an Obama poster above your trashcan. That is LOVE (or another form of child abuse. I'm not sure.)

Anonymous- thanks for making MY day as well. I've been waiting for Nobo to get initiated into the Haters Club.

WELCOME NOBO!!!

Tori :) said...

I love how you corrected her spelling and grammar. I used to do that with my ex's emails...

Beckie said...

Doesn't it just light a fire under your patootey? They best part is sitting and thinking about the perfect way to comeback at them. I Love it, I live for it. You did an excellent job of putting her in her place!

If you need help with dosing J, I soon will be able to help out with that.
Oh and I had dinner with a Mu God, one time, turns out he's God's half, but "worldly" brother. Nice guy though.

NOBODY said...

Holy crap Beckie, i just spit ALL OVER my screen about "Mu God". You're hilarious.

This actually didn't light a fire at all, I have seriously been laughing all morning. It's been awesome.

Beth said...

Really. If Anonymous ever read more than ONE post on your blog, she would see how much you love your kids.

Obviously she is one of those people who would "LOVE to be a parent," but doesn't actually have any kids of her own. Then she would realize that you can be totally in love with and devoted to your children and still "piss and moan" all day about them.

How much you wanna' bet that Anonymous never comments on your blog again?

alicia said...

Classic Nobody! Love you!

Mad Libs Millie said...

The sweet person sounds about as intelligent as my last troll. Maybe they travel in packs. Hope they hired someone to mop up the trail of drool they leave behind.

S said...

I am truly offended now, what about loving aunts who dose old people little white pills all night. I can't believe someone finally caught on to h8er Big J. Somehow I can picture your toe tapping glee on this one. Ms Popular!
Thank heavens for all day K so you can be rid of him all day.

CoconutKate said...

Wow...please don't ever send trolls my way. I'm not sure I could be as level headed as all that. I do think it takes a coward to leave comments like that anonymously. So sad that that person is so angry. I'm glad you could take it (and dish it back out) so well!

Heffalump said...

Wahoo for you!
The gall of some people really surprises me.

Plain Jame said...

Ew. I can't stand self-righteous people that get up on their soapbox and ruin a perfectly good sarcastic post, all in good humor.

I totally got the "best day eveeer" song - we sing it almost every day in my house because we are evil and watch spongebob constantly.

Glad you could take it for what it is. Some nameless coward that wants to be judgemental and hypocritical; now we can see if you gave her exactly what she wants??? or if she'll go away back to her cave of shame...

Carrot Jello said...

Nobody, if you read my blog AT ALL, you would know that just yesterday, I offered my translation skills. Instead, you decided to take it on yourself, and messed it all up. You really are an unfit mother.
*sigh*
Here is the proper translation:
Anonymous wrote,
"How can you sit there and bad mouth your own child? Mu God, <<-- "Mu God" is actually Goddess of the cows. Obviously, Anonymous worships cows.
...do you really hate him that much that you devote an entire about how awful he is. Do you understand that millions of people would LOVE to be parents to a child any child yes even your problem child. I hope to God he never reads what you write about him. My heart is breaking for him. Dose your husband also hate him?<<-- What she meant to say here is, "Douse your husband, and also hate him" She is suggesting that you cover J. in gas while simutaneously hating him because HE is the real cause of your hatred toward your son.
...I can't imagine feeling so much hate toward any of my children.
So the weather sucks, pack up the kids and take a vacation somewhere warm, go to the mall and play at the indoor play grounds. Why sit in the house and piss an moan all day?<<-- Okay, if Anonymous is right about this, you really ARE an unfit mother. I hope you aren't pissing AND moaning at the same time, and I REALLY hope you are not on the couch pissing and moaning, 'cause that's just embarassing.
...I mean really your<<-- that really should be "you're", but I'm just the translator, not the grammar police
...an adult make the situation better. Oh thats<<---that should have an apostrophe, but I'm not one to talk.
...right you probally wouldnt<<--again with the no apostrophe? I'm pretty sure she's a terrorist. They NEVER use apostrophe's
...want to take your son. Maybe he can stay with loving grandparents.
This post of yours really makes me sad.<<---Uh oh, a sad terrorist is a dangerous terrorist!
...Praying for your son to find peace and love somewhere then at home."<<---Aw, see? Not only is she praying for you, she really wants your son to have love with you. Just later, after he's found it somewhere else. She just forgot a comma.
Next time, don't take on translation youself. I'll send you the bill.

Howertons in Iowa said...

I am picking my jaw up off the floor.
Sometimes I take you so literally that you started with welcoming anonymous to your blog and I was like - that is way nice and super cool of you. Then I read the rest and with laughter (which is difficult to do today cause of the sick fairy) anyway it is so sad. Anonymous first of all did not have guts to leave a name, clearly she did not want to look after your terrible son or she would have left a phone number. Second, she REALLY does not know that Nobody is like the funniest person in the world but more over - Nobody is the most loving mama I have ever met! If she wants a hayday - she should come visit my blog. That would be fun!

Tori :) said...

Lol Carrot!! Did you use one of your bg Pen1s to do that translation??

dancin' momma said...

Oh man.. Thanks for brightening my day. My husband thinks I'm crazy sitting over here laughing hysterically at the computer. If Anonymous thinks you're a bad mom I'm afraid of what she would say about my momma skills...love ya!

glittersmama said...

Where did anonymous go? I need more excitement? Now I know where I need to go when I have a hater. Nobo for president!

InkMom said...

Holy crap, Nobo . . . you nearly scared me off and my name's not Anonymous!

Yvonne said...

I'm glad you see that anonymous comment for exactly what it is--STUPID. She obviously doesn't have kids or just doesn't get it.

That Carrot really should work as an interpreter at the U.N.

Coordination Queen said...

hahahaha, some people are truly rediculous... and I'm not talking about you.

Cindy said...

Apparently Anonymous is not a frequent visior of this blog. Seriously, though, when you figure out how to "dose" J and what it exactly involves will you please let me know. Maybe it is not illegal!!

Mu God be with you!!
Love ya and your "problem child."

Cindy said...

Really! I should be changing a stinky diaper right now, but I can not stop laughing. How long can I go before that becomes a problem?

Cindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sarah Tilley said...

ignorant strangers are the best. reminds me of the authorities who took a two year old away from her family because she ran outside naked chasing after a kitten.

please, anonymous, please comment again. i laughed so hard that i think i added five more years to my life. become a regular commenter and i'll never die.

Carrot Jello said...

On second thought Angela, you have J. take you to the doctor today. Pissing and moaning could be a sign of a urinary tract infection.

Shelby Lou said...

oh my goodness i bet that anonymous blogger is feeling pretty good right now...

hahaha

not, feel dumb please anonymous.

love the blog

im stalking! :D

Mycurlyhairdays said...

Love the "Best Day Ev-aaaaaaaaa!!!" That is sung every day at our house!
Good mom! You know you are!
Fight the good fight!

ucmama said...

Oh wow. I bet you hate your kid so much that you gave him red hair on purpose. I'm surprised you even named him. But if you didn't keep him, who would do all the laundry, scrub the floors, and clean up all the piss and moan? And how could she call you unfit? You go to the gym all the time!

No Cool Story said...

Congrats on your first anon evoh!! You are going places my friend!
Dose that make you happy?

It'd be too easy to pick apart all the missspellings and errors on her brilliant comment. But, like I said, that'd be too simple. Some of you devote an entire about.

Instead, I'd like to say:
She's not a frequent reader. So her point is MOO.

Barnecked Lady said...

lol. A troll? HILARIOUS!!! I always think it's interesting that people who leave the "bestest" comments, never leave their identity. Maybe it's because of the mad typing skillz. I mean who dose tizzy lady think she is? I wish I was more shocked at how stupid people are, but I am still very amused by it, even if I'm not surprised.

Klin said...

I'm calling you when I have a hater and then I will forward your awesomeness to carrot, just to be sure everything is grammatically correct.

This is hilarious.

The whole time I am reading it I am thinking, "somebody named anonymous need therapy. Big Time!"

Sara said...

I had to come out of lurkdom to comment on this - now that I am done laughing so hard I almost peed in my pants. Nobody, you ought to be ashamed. How dare you have a sense of humor about this thing called motherhood? And how dare you have actual real life problems - but still make the rest of us smile when you wittily describe them? For shame!
I love your response. And I think you may want to consider paying Carrot Jello for her (his?) translation efforts. That one had me laughing so much my kids were wondering what was up. My non-problem, always perfect, never once misbehaving/ acting out children. (Does it count that my youngest just got out of timeout for dumping an entire box of cds on his brother's head?)
Nobody, I'm thrilled you had a sense of humor about this. And I don't actually know you (even through I thought I did for a while...wishful thinking...), but for what it's worth, I have never thought you didn't love your kids. On the contrary. And your posts always hit home for me. And make me laugh. So thanks! I love nobody. (For real - not like previous post "I love everyone"!)

glittersmama said...

Still looking for anonymous...maybe she's dosing her husband.

Sarah said...

I've seen you in action and I think you are a great mom!!!!

anonymous said...

your welcome

Mrs Lemon said...

you are the best, seweohslee

(see? I'm trying to imitate your kids talking. That's how cool you and your problem kids are.)

My Diary said...

oh "mu" Goodness. I just laughed my head off. Your rock Nobody.

I wish your troll would visit me on my blog and say mean things and spell things wrong. You are the best.

Love your guts.

My Diary said...

I just read carrots comment and laughed so hard my stomach hurts. Awesome.

The Queen said...

I found you while Friday Froggin.. lost you and just spent 2 hours and put out a Bloggie APB for your site.... I think I'm a stalker...

I loved this site and your posts.. and I almost lost you..

Have a great weekend...

The Queen said...

OK I was so excited about finding your site again.. Now I need to do some more reading..

I love this post. Trolls are the best foder to be found. We could all take lessons from your response. It was A team material..

Now.. off to lurk and read ....

Super L said...

I'm pretty sure that your anonymous is the same anonymous as MY anonymous! Many of those misspellings look suspiciously familiar. And also, we are probably both about the same level of horrifically bad mother, right?

Actually, you probably have never LIED to your kids like me, so I take it back.

Thanks for making my day, Nobo! And gimme a call, I want to compare notes on persistent pessimissm. I have a chronic sufferer over here.

Loula said...

Love your past to anonymous.

I think people would rather think we are one sided than think that just maybe they aren't getting every last tiny little detail of our lives. Sure, we put a lot of ourselves out here on the net, yet not everything.

Like your anon and every other anon troll out there should realize: If you can't stand the content or the person writing the blog...go to a different page. Venting about your hate just makes you look like an ugly little troll.

Sorry, got long winded. Just found your blog and I like it a lot.

Simply,
Loula

Beckie said...

Is the anon. that just left the ...."your welcome", the same anon that wrote the fodder for your blog? Is she taking credit? I'm so confused!

Nancy Face said...

I bet Anonymous considers herself to be a good Christian. She prays and stuff.

Nancy Face said...

I admire you for your great attitude and humor about this. My first anonymous hater made me cry so hard that I almost gave up blogging. ALMOST.

You're BOMB! :D

Tori :) said...

Anonymous,
Y-O-U-'R-E means You Are. Y-O-U-R means your. Please get it right. It's starting to bug me.

Cyndi said...

Oh the drama. Nothing gets me going more than drama. Thanks, Anonymous! This was better than my soap opera fix.

Dawna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dawna said...

So funny- I was just about to write you an email telling you how NORMAL your "hate" post made me feel, since my beloved "problem child" sounds very similar to yours. Maybe Anonymous thinks the solution is to just "love your child more" (probably impossible) or to think "this is just a phase- he's just a sweet kid so I should ignore it till it goes away and just be happy I even HAVE a child that throws wicked tantrums and disrupts the peace in my home" instead of actually seeking help and advice to benefit your child and your family. Whatever, Nobo, you're my hero and Anonomous can kiss off.

Rebecca said...

I'm with Beckie.. was that the same anony that left the comment.. guess we can never really know.. to funny.. won't mess with you or your unloved kids ha ha!!

Sketchy said...

Oh man, I wish I had a troll. I remember those. You could twist up their hair so pretty and then spin them around really fast and oh how we would laugh and laugh to see the crazy shapes their hair would go into after that.

Good times...good times...

Dosing my husband was good too by the way.

Shirley said...

Please forgive me for just jumping in here on the only post I've read on your blog, but I am just dying laughing. (I got here via Carrot Jello,so you KNOW I got the tone of voice!) I was thinking while reading 'anonymous' comment that they were either illiterate of not familiar with the ENGLISH LANGUAGE ('cause NO ONE is that bad at spelling!) I would like to say that if ya just have to respond to that kind of saint/preacher/illiterate/troll/no-name coward...I couldn't have said it better myself! YeeHaw! (and I couldn't help but notice the pic of the little boy in the tee shirt that says "I Still Live With My Parents"--was that there before or did ya throw that in to p*ss her off? You're great. I'll be back.

Shirley http://InsideShirleysHead.blogspot.com/

Clint & Alicia McLaws said...

I'm officially de-lurking. I've been lurking for weeks. Kinda creepy, huh? Anywho! I'm Alicia, and I live in Mesa, AZ. I found your blog through Busy Bee Lauren's (found her's through a mutual friend). At any rate, I love how you handle such a troll. I was laughing so hard. Its obvious in your writing that your children are adored. Congratulations on your first troll! =]

Clint & Alicia McLaws said...

Just read Carrot's comment...and my stomach hurts!! oh my gosh I'm in tears. Fantastic!!

Analiese said...

55 comments - woooweeee. That must be a record.

I have been snort laughing. at work. im a gonna get me fired. oh well it was worth it.

and barenecked - skillz. that is too cups of funny.

ok, where is "anonymous". dont tell me her come back was "your welcome" or was it amongst those deleted ones?

I think you are a bad parent if you continue to send your child to school if he comes out spelling like that person dose. JEEPERS.

I thought Mu God was some sort of chinese food until i kept reading ......

jm said...

Wow! That is all I can come up with... weirdo!

Charlotte said...

Good thing I didn't write you that hate mail I promised, because it wouldn't have been nearly as funny as the real thing. Because I know how to spell and occasionally speak English. And I could never devote an entire to it. Even if I tried.

aubrey said...

congratulations on your first ever troll! wow. i don't understand why people comment on blogs they obviously know nothing about. but she was trying to help, i'm sure. and maybe thought that an anonymous comment would straighten you out INSTANTLY. good call, anon. go dose your own husband.

Physcokity said...

Carrot's follow up comment assisted in my falling off of my yoga ball with laughter. I think I might just catch up with you guys at the Dr's office.

Physcokity said...

It's official I am rolling on the floor with bursting fits of laughter. Thank you ucmama.

Hate on Anony. I could use the daily ab workout. Laughing this hard everyday I'll have abs of steel in no time ;)

lol "...and stuff." hahaha

Sarah said...

I this a record post.. 62 comments