Taking A Stand Against Something Meaningful. Oops, That's Sarcasm Again.

My friend JJMac has one of those "friends" whose entire Christmas letter is more about bragging than it is informing. And every conversation is more about who's got more money, lost more weight, has smarter kids---than anything else. She drives my friend crazy. But I really enjoy it because sometimes hearing the report of their conversations is the most fun I have in a week. And I look forward to those Christmas letters every year. They are awesome.

JJMac was bemoaning her plight to me one day, how she can't take another conversation like that, etc and then suddenly said, "Why don't you ever have to deal with people like this! How come all your friends are cool!?"

Okay, she may not have said the second part, but it's my story.

And I said something along these lines, "Well, I pretty much decided when I was about 25 that I didn't have the time or energy for relationships that weren't mutually satisfying. People who weren't responsive to me (as if!) and people who I felt like were just using me or taking from me, I just stopped. There are too many other people and things that need my time and attention to continue on a useless path like that.

For me, it was a "friend" who called once or twice a year and compulsively lied about EVERYTHING. It was ridiculous, I'm sure she knew that I knew she was lying, but she wouldn't stop. Sometimes it was funny, most of the time it was just a drain and a waste of my time. Why should I spend my time congratulating someone on something that never happened? Or offering sympathy for a loss that never occurred? Weirdo. Yeah, that's right---people who lie like that are weirdos.

Please don't freak out if you are my friend and I haven't called you for 3 years.

I also have three kids, a part time job, church responsibilities, some social issues, and a time management problem.

I still love you. I probably just love Word Challenge on FB more.

Anyway, JJMac says I changed her life with this little bit of information.


But I can't be sure. I haven't talked to her since I was about 25.

I totally cracked myself up just now. Seriously.

So, in my personal life, I've been able to clean up shop, and keep the riffraff at bay and really save my time and energy for people I like and enjoy.

I like to think I live a dumbhead-free social life.

But it's not true.

Because I still get email forwards.

I think I've gotten the message out pretty loud and clear among friends and I don't get every random email forward known to man from anyone. I get regular funny ones from a couple of friends and my sisters, and potential terrorist attacks on malls on Halloween from my mom. She just be keeping her baby safe yo.

It's not the emails that bug me.

It's not the friends who send them.

It's the people who get their grubby little hands on them from the time the great email is written to the time it gets to me.

For example, my sister sent me a funny youtube video. I had actually seen it before, but I enjoyed it again because it is funny. So I happily watched it. And I smiled at the funny parts. But that's all. I smiled. I'm stingy with my laughs. It didn't make me LAUGH.

At the end of the email it yells at me "IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH THEN YOUR LAUGH MUST BE BROKEN!"

Well that's just rude.

It didn't make me laugh and it doesn't have to be insulting me.

Then I got another great email from a friend. It was funny. I enjoyed it. But some annoying person got their hands on it and instead of just clicking send, had to add,
I just know you're laughing!
You're gonna send it on - aren't you?

What is THAT about? Seriously, why are these random people so sure of my reaction? And is "you're gonna send it on--aren't you?" The new Power of Positive Thinking for "If you don't send this to at least 43 people your grandchildren will all be born with 5 ears, can you live with that knowledge!? It's for the children woman, DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!!"

If you are my friend and I send you a forward, it's because it made me laugh out loud. A lot. And you can send me a personal thank you note, in the form of chocolate or words of adoration, because I erase the 10 pages of email addresses of the people who got it before you.

And yes, I erase the taunts and the threats too. I'm making the internet world a better place, one gigantic deletion at a time.

Speaking of deletions, last week I got an email FWD from my mom. Only there was nothing in the email. So, even though I was sure it was cute flashing glittery lips, in honor of Valentine's Day, or a warning to please not wear my hair in a ponytail because attackers have an advantage over me if they can grab that---I sent a quick email saying the email was empty.

She wrote this back the next day, "Hm, I tried to delete all the extra names, and I guess I deleted the whole thing.....well, I am trying again! At least I got a lot of mail today.......everyone I sent it to said: 'Sorry!'"

Pretty sure I learned my value of a good email from her.