All Because I Thought Momentarily, "I Really Do Love Everybody Right Now"

When I was 18 years old I worked at a daycare. I worked in the 3 year old room and one day the director brought in a little guy with white-blonde hair. He was smaller than the average three year old.

As he stood far away from all of us, scowling, we wondered how old he was and if he was placed in our room accidentally. I finally asked him, "How old are you little guy?"

He growled, "I'm SIX."

I laughed out loud.

I later learned that this tiny little guy was 3 and had lived more horrific things in those 3 short years than some of us will ever see in our lifetime. He had a handicapped sister who was six and they had been abandoned sometimes 2-3 weeks at a time by their biological parents. He knew how to change both of their diapers, make himself a bottle, and had learned to survive before he was 2.

Just typing this makes my heart break all over again.

Well, as a result, he learned to need no one. Or trust anyone. Or care about anything. He had the mouth of a sailor and the attitude of an 89 year old man who was sick of living.

If it wasn't so tragic, it would be hilarious, the way he acted.

He became mine and I worked with him regularly to soften him up. I adored him. He used to save food in his cheeks after mealtimes or snack because he didn't know when he'd get to eat again. When I figured this out, I got permission from the director to let him carry around food in a bag all day. In an effort to give him security and eliminate his squirrel-like behavior.

One day, months and months after he became mine, he jumped up on one of the tables and yelled, "EVERYBODY IS A BUTT*O*E!"

If any other child had done this, it would have been a serious offense. But he was mine, so he was safe. He wanted a reaction, and we were trying to eliminate his need for negative attention. I calmly said, "Little Guy, your feet shouldn't be on the table, should they?"

He smiled coyly and said, "I need everyone to hear me!"

So I said, "Yes, but you are using words we don't use here, aren't you?"

He said, "It's not bad! It means that I love everybody."

"Well then, you should probably say 'I love everybody' instead of those words we don't say here, Little Guy."

To which he responded, "I LOVE EVERYBODY THAT IS A BUTT*O*E!!"

I went away to college and it devastated me to leave him. But all the teachers were in love with him by then, so he was left to be adored by others. I had taught him that "gorgeous" was a bad word and he should never say it, he could say whatever he wanted, but he couldn't say that. So every night as he was leaving he'd say, "Nobody's sooooo goh-juss!" and felt like he was getting away with something.

I came back a few months later and went to his room to see him. He was laying on a mat for naptime, but not quite asleep. I went to him and said, "Little Guy, do you remember me?" He said he didn't. I said, "It's me, Nobody" and he turned and said fiercely, "Yo' not Nobody, she went on an airplane and she loves Little Guy!" In the same moment my heart broke that he didn't recognize me, it overflowed that he remembered me and remembered that I loved him so very much.

I hope wherever Little Guy is now, he's found safety and peace and that he was loved by so many more after me.

In the last 14 years that have passed....I've adopted his words as my own personal battle cry.

I love to say, "I love everybody!"

And really, it means, "Everybody is a butt____!"

On Tuesdee I had a bad day. A couple of annoying things happened and my kids wouldn't get along or listen and I was probably tired and it's been a while since I've had a bad day, so I think I was due for one.

It wasn't just an "ugh, today's dumb" kind of day. It was an, "I'm about to cry any second" kind of bad day. I said I loved everybody a few times that day.

I talked to my mom for a little bit and that always helps me.
Hearing about Ida Lou's bladder reconstruction surgery gone awry always makes me feel better about my life.

Well anyway. That night we had an enrichment activity planned. Enrichment activities, for those of you who don't know, it is a bunch of women from church getting together and eating, learning, crafting, talking, laughing, etc.

On Sunday I told the girl who planned it I would be there. But when The Bad Tuesday rolled around, I really didn't feel like going and being around people. I felt like staying at home and griping to J and eating my weight in chocolate.

A lot of people came. If I hadn't come, it probably wouldn't have mattered---meaning, the girl I promised I'd be there, probably wouldn't go home and cry into her big fat pilla at night, because I wasn't there.

I may have gone for her, but I stayed for me. It was so good for me. SO GOOD. It completely cured me of my blues. I came home feeling like a new person, and so happy to live near and know so many really cool people.

I know that this party wasn't easy. The girl who planned it is a teeny tiny little thing and she's 8 months pregnant. I think anything after about 4 months is wildly uncomfortable when you're teeny tiny like that. One advantage I have over my teeny tiny contemporaries, is that my kids have the luxury suite when I'm carrying them. All kinds of rooms and views there.

Plus, planning church activities can be somewhat of a crapshoot. Do you think it might be a little misguided to use the word "crapshoot" in the same sentence as church? Really though, you have to appeal to so many personalities, you don't know who'll bother to show, it's always way more work than you want to do in the first place, and so on.

I guess the point of this post is, I really do love everybody right now. And I'm really glad that the girl in charge planned it and did such a great job. Even if it wasn't easy and probably not fun for her. Thanks. Teeny Tiny Girl. If there was a way I could share some of my "extra" room with you, I totally would.

This has been brought to you by the REAL NOBODY. I am just this long-winded and tangential in real life. The only thing missing from this post that you'd get in real life, is about 3-4, "So, what was I saying" and "Now, where was I going with that?"

Just throw them in randomly and you'll get the full effect.