Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Today I Got It Together For the Last Time

When I was younger I used to wish you could shower once and for all. And eat once and for all. And go to the bathroom once and for all. Sometimes I guess I still wish that. Wouldn't it be nice to not have to deal with those distractions all the time?

Problem is, I do sort of eat once and for all. Regularly.

Which leads me to my next subject.

I haven't been to the gym in over 2 months. I had a couple of unvaliant efforts in those 2-3 months, but they are hardly worth mentioning.

Today, I got three kids dressed, and myself dressed.
I took 5 kids to school. Three arranged carpoolers and 2 extras who just show up.
I called 911 on a couple of people brawling outside one of the extra's jr high. I'm so bad. Halfway through the phone call I wanted to hang up because I just felt dumb. But it was a guy and a girl and that can't be good, right?
I went to the gym and swept back my mussed hair, smiled my pretty smile and asked to have my kids squeezed into the already full childcare center. "Full" childcare centers are for sissies. I could take care of 35 kids with one hand tied behind my back.
Then I caught up with all 2 of my friends who were there and noticed I hadn't been. It was fun to act like I was the one who had always been there, and where on earth had THEY been!?!
I used an elliptical and struggle with some Tori-style OCD and finally got off when a chubby man behind me started pacing and sighing.
Then I took my kids home and gave Avee the fruit snack bribe I promised to get her into the childcare center. She has not tolerance for marker nazis.

Dude, when did I get all linky-loo-loo? It just happened, honest. It wasn't planned and it will probably just be this once.

One of the girls in the daycare was pressing me for interesting stories from the ER. I was hesitant to share anything because I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to be that person. First of all, my information is limited, but second of all, the hospital should be a safe place for people to go and not feel like their issues are being talked about at daycares. She kept pressing, so finally I decided to share the one story I had already shared on the blog. You know, sneezing girl?

Yeah. She went to school with her. Knows her name. Where she works, and why she sneezes.

I feigned narcolepsy so that I wouldn't have to answer her questions when she started saying, "does she have _____ hair? Was she about ______ years old? Was her name _______".

That was bad. I'll not make that mistake again. But just FYI, falling asleep at a daycare, while sitting in a baby chair, mid conversation---not all that believable.

Now I'm going to work on my water consumption, match some socks, and finish off the razzleberry pie....just kidding.

Sort of.


Suzanne said...

Am I really first!?! Woot! :)

Suzanne said...

Yeah, the faking of the narcolepsy would have been tough to pull off. Don't you hate it when stuff like that happens? I remember once in school complaining about a girl in the lunch line. I felt a tap on my shoulder and she was standing right behind me listening to the entire conversation. I swear that sometimes the universe conspires against us! ;)

Anyway, I'll bet that it felt good to get back to the gym. I haven't felt that in quite awhile! :D

Sarah Tilley said...

i try not to talk about anyone anywhere because for some reason they always end up either being right there or it gets back to them somehow.

i should go t a gym, but that would mean i'd actually have to get off my butt, drive to the gym, and make myself exercise. it's so much easier to forget that idea and just read a book instead.

Tori :) said...

Unfortunately I have OCD when it comes to calories as well. I have to eat in increments of 1000...

ucmama said...

yeah, feigning narcolepsy doesn't usually work. You have to pretend you have some other disease. Pick a contagious one next time.

Rebecca said...

I think we are friends for a reason and I really need to get to know tori, because I have never seen my craziness sumed up in one paragraph so simply, I totally count calories/time ratio.. thats hysterical..

glittersmama said...

Razzleberry pie is my FAVORITE.

No Cool Story said...

"But just FYI, falling asleep at a daycare, while sitting in a baby chair, mid conversation---not all that believable."

You do it to me all the time and I let you slide.

Mycurlyhairdays said...

Yeay for the gym! Good job chick!!! I may join you in March, if I can handle the boot camp class!
So that is what you were doing to me the other day, feining narcolepsy! Huh... Just teasing!
I agree with ucmama, something contagious next time!!!
Coming over tonight???

Sarah said...

The best part about following your blog is knowing what you mean when you say "marker nazis" & "sneezing girl"

Don't feel bad about calling the police when I worked part time at subway I called 911 at least once a week....

Jiffo makes me jealous too.

Jiffo lost 35=awesome
Sarah knowing what marker nazis means=priceless

Klin said...

Next time just tell her that if you tell her something then you'll have to tell the person you talked about that she is marker nazi. :P

We won't tell that you already told us ;)

If you were a vampire you would not have to eat calories that would need to be disposed of by a potty. That would be nice. I'd also like the perfect, not hurting all day body.

Millie said...

I still totally wish that stuff.

InkMom said...

Someday, someone will invent a fabric that is wearable, flattering and plastic. And then I will be able to do laundry once and for all because it is the bane of my existence and I can hardly imagine what I will do with all the time.

Your razzleberry pie is my brownie sundae.

And, please, give a girl some credit. It's U2. I am 4.5 years older than MommyJ but I'm still not old enough to have been a die hard Duran Duran fan. 32. 32 is all! (I do love Sting, but that was a more recent discovery.)

My husband tells me I have the iPod of a 16 year old emo girl who wears a lot of eye make-up and doesn't smile very often. Whatever. I say I have the iPod of a 32 year old runner who has zero motivation to get on the treadmill without some rock-out angst-inducing whining teenager tunes. And some Foo Fighters.

(You may have noticed that I'm still writing long comments. I've turned over a new leaf. I love long comments, and so I'm just going to assume everyone else does, too. And if I have something to say, I'm going to say it and not apologize for the length thereof. Hijack!)

Carrot Jello said...

You don't bring me flowers
You don't sing me love songs
You hardly bring me pie anymore
When I walk through the door
at the end of the day
I remember when...

Nobody said...

Suzanne: Funny, but not about the girl tapping you on the shoulder. Brave girl. I probably would have just kicked you in the back of the knees or something. :)

Sarah Tilley: Ha! It is much easier. You are funny. Sometimes I go to the gym and read a book in the lobby while someone else watches my kids. They say I have to be in the building. They don't say I have to be working out.


UCMAMA: Good advice. Thank you.

Rebecca: For some reason, this doesn't surprise me. Tori's a Texan, you know!

Glittersmama: Subtle. Love your one line comments, only you could pull them off so well.

NCS: I totally el oh eled at you letting me slide. I thought you never noticed since you are generally hanging up on me when I'm doing it.

MCHD: If I fell asleep while visiting with you, I am sorry. :)

Sarah: HA! Love the "pricing". I may still have 35 extra pounds on me, but at least I know Nobody's business!

KLIN: I think that might be the most compelling vampire information I've received in ages.

Millie: Is your avatar a shark?!

InkMom: Wait, wha? What were you saying, I fell asleep...
JUST KIDDING. I'm glad you are comfortable in leaving long comments. I love them. Are you sure a little birdy didn't tell you that? I can't believe I didn't guess U2!? I was kind of joking with Duran Duran and Run DMC, I almost put Michael Jackson, but he's not a band. Freak show, yes. Band, no. Don't feel bad about your emo ipod. I have a hillbilly ipod. Just because I believe you cain't get a man with a gun.

Carrot Jello: Aww, come here honey. I'll give you...some two day old razzleberry pie.

Code Yellow said...

Hospital confidentiality is nothing to sneeze at.

The vision of you in a child's seat trying to pretend to sleep is goign to make me laugh all day.

Did Aves get to use the markers?

Did the brawl get broken up?

How was the razzleberry pie?

I've never wished that I could eat once and for all. Just continuously, without ever having to think about an elliptical to counteract the consequences. Now THAT would be awesome.