Monday, June 1, 2009

Truth Hurts

Saying "I love you" and other sentimental expressions, does not come easy to me. With the exception of my children, and J, it is a struggle for me.

In the past, I've worked myself up into a frenzy when I've been in a situation where saying "I love you" or something else similar would be appropriate/expected.

I've basically concluded it's some weird fear of rejection that doesn't manifest itself in more appropriate ways, like---in what I wear in public, how I act in public, my sense of humor...

I've come to terms with it, and I work hard when I need to---but I've just concluded that it's part of my makeup.

So, when I was dating J, I made every effort to be forthright and expressive. I felt that this was important in my relationship with him.

When we were engaged, I was living in St. Louis and he was in Kansas City. We were talking on the phone one night and I was missing him immensely. I suddenly felt compelled to share this with him. So I said aloud, "I really miss you J."

There is a pause. And suddenly I've done it. I've gone from cool--easy-going chick he wants to marry and spend the rest of his life with, to that high-maintenance, needy chick who manages to compel him to work very late nights to avoid being around. I could just kick myself.

Then J responds, "Well, I haven't really missed you."

Of course it stung a little, but more than that, it REALLY made me laugh.

What a total and complete dork. I mean, seriously---who does that!!!???

I still make fun of him for that. It's actually the whole reason I started blogging. So I could one day make fun of him in a much more public forum than my own little social life would allow.

That night began the education of J on "Why it is important to lie sometimes in healthy relationships."

7 years into this gig, he's pretty darn good. Most of the time, so good, I don't even notice. There are times when I push it too far and he says, "Thin ice, Nobo, thin ice". That's when I just shut my mouth and move on.

So, it shouldn't surprise me that our little 6 year old carbon copy of J, does the same things.

Tonight I was laying on my bed reading. Mostly I was acting as bedtime warden, but managing to also enjoy a good book.

It's an hour and a half past bedtime and Bo calls out to me, "Mom, can I snuggle with you?"

It's hard for me to resist such a request. But if he comes to me, he won't sleep with the light on and if I go to him, I can't read.

So I said no.

Then 42 seconds later the guilt kicked in and I knew these requests were soon going to become few and far between. So I put down my book and went and snuggled with Bo.

As I scoot in next to him on his bed he says sweetly, "I asked that question because I knew I was pretty much the only one you can snuggle with."

"Mmm?"

"Well, you can't get on the top bunk with Avee because you'll break the bed and you're waaaaaaaaaaay too big for the crib with Danyo.

Thank you Bo. I'm sooooooo glad I came in here for this.

Now shut your mouth and go to sleep. Tomorrow your dad is going to teach you a few things about women....

19 comments:

Heffalump said...

Kids sure tell it like they see it!

MommyJ said...

Oh that's hilarious. I love it when kids are so genuine in their insults.

Bo could take lessons from Jordan. He has mastered the art of saying exactly what he thinks I would like to hear, and then some. Sometimes he lays it on sooo thick! I don't know where he learned to do it, cause his daddy isn't like that at all...

ucmama said...

I think I have the same problem as J...

Analiese said...

So all those years ago when the cry of "sure love ya" rang out and you didn't say it, it wasn't cause you didn't want to, just that you couldn't as it wasn't part of your make-up! ahhh, it has been puzzling me all these years....
he he

Klin said...

Oh I love Bo!!

Nobo I think you'd bonk your head if you got on the top bunk.

Bubbles said...

I LOVE YOU!

Rebecca said...

hilarious.. once again.. the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree!!! :) Your writing continually inspires me to only post photos on my blog!!!

mary ann said...

I'm with Bubbles. I love you, Nobody! Deal with it!
But I feel for you -- we had one entire Christmas letter with anecdotes of the kids calling Rob big (Maddie: "why aren't you hustling your big booty to work?" and Will: "Papa sits his big bum on the bed and it goes crack-crack").

Tori :) said...

Liv calls me "Fat" all day long. I think it's because I told her to stop saying "Fat lard" so she shortened it. :(

J cracks me up.

I'm like you- I'm not a big mushy person except with Sei. Sei is though. He tells it like it is... He's so whipped.

Mycurlyhairdays said...

Honesty is the best policy???
We pound that into our kids head, but then when they grow up they have to learn that's not true.

Tori- laughing so hard about "fat lard"!!!! Sorry, that is my life! And my R is so whipped, too.

Rachelle said...

LOL!!!!! Wow, didn't see that coming. Too cute!

Emily said...

I love this post. love it.

The boys at my house (all of them) could do with a good talk from J too.

Plain Jame said...

I love... cake.

Charlotte said...

My sister got her haircut and the first thing her husband said was, "It looked a lot better before." Maybe we should start a reform school for the unfiltered speakers in our life.

My 4 year old is WAY too honest WAY too often.

Suzanne said...

LOL! I guess the idea of snuggling with Daddy just isn't even possible! ;)

Emily said...

The part that cracks me up is that he's offering to snuggle for YOUR sake... Lord knows HE could never need such silliness. Mortals! It so reminds me of his cousin Isaiah.

Hope little Danyo had a great birthday!! Did you make him a train cake? :)

jm said...

That was HILARIOUS! I hope that our kids will be as awesome as yours :)

Jacobson Five said...

You are always good for a laugh. Thanks for that.

Super L said...

I'm just gonna put it right out there--I've missed you (both blog you and actual you) a lot during my censor-enforced sojurn away.

So take THAT!