Thursday, June 4, 2009

Invitation: Iowa Style

I got this in an email a while back. At my job, I get 52 emails for every ONE email that applies to me or is even remotely necessary to read.

I hate sifting through it all. And this was an email that was not meant for me or necessary to read. But I THOROUGHLY enjoyed it. I've considered employing Carrot Jello for any translation or interpretation, but I figured I'd just enjoy it, as is. You should read it twice, for good measure. It's more enjoyable the second time.


ALL COWORKERS!!
SAT MAY 23,2009 (TOMORROW)
__________
IS
GETTIN MARRIED!!


WE ARE SUPRISING HER!
ANYONE WANT TO COME,
HER ADDRESS IS _______
________ IA!!
SHE IS GETTING MARRIED AT THE
PARK ACROSS THE STREET UNDER THE
PAVILION ON TOP OF THE HILL!!
AT 6:00PM SAT 5-23-2009
PLEASE OMIT GIFTS, BUT A CARD WOULD BE GREAT!!
ANYONE UNABLE TO GO, I WOULD GLADLY TAKE A CARD FOR YOU TO HER!!


WE ARE TRYING TO GET AS MANY
COWORKERS AS WE CAN TO MEET
AT _________ IN _________ IA
________________
(MAIN RD GOING INTO __________)
AT 6:45/7:00PM TO HELP HER
CELEBRATE HER DAY!!
DON'T TELL HER, BUT STOP IN FOR A DRINK WITH US AND MAYBE A LATE SUPPER!!
I KNOW THE BRIDGE IS OUT, BUT THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN YOU WILL HAVE!!

HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL THERE!!
I KNOW IT IS SHORT NOTICE, BUT I JUST GOT THE
DETALS WORKED OUT LAST NIGHT..
BECAUSE OF HER CIRCUMSTANCES SHE IS GETTING MARRIED SOONER THAN SHE THOUGHT..

NEED DIRECTIONS OR ANY OTHER QUESTIONS CALL !

This made me laugh right out loud when I read it at work. I'm very quiet at work. I think I surprised a lot of people.

Is it just me? J says it is, but I find it hard to believe this didn't make anyone else laugh.

I'll tell you my two favorite parts, but first you tell me yours.

I may even have 3 favorite parts.

30 comments:

Bubbles said...

Furst.

My Favorite parts would have to be that the bridge is out, leave out the GIFTS!?! and that maybe there'sa reason the coworkers didn't know about it and it should be left that way...

Barnecked Lady said...

Favorite part...BECAUSE OF HER CIRCUMSTANCES SHE IS GETTING MARRIED SOONER THAN SHE THOUGHT..

Also, I totally read this in a backwoods twangy kind of voice.

Hilarious!!!!!!!

Beckie said...

The whole invitation cracks me up!

First where are you going? Her address, the park, or for drinks?

Second...."because of her circumstance she's getting married sooner than she thought." Good intentions with the whole invitation but way to let everyone you work with in on someone elses very private matter.

Third.....Cards are ok of you're putting some $$ in them. But kust cards??!! SOunds like my wedding. We got no gifts. That is just LAME.

Fourth.....Bridge is out, so how will you get there?

Loved it all!!!! I wish I had funny emails like this.

InkMom said...

My first favorite part is "gettin married" because I'm southern and all up on that bad grammar, dropped consonants thing.

My second favorite part is that the bridge is out. But imagine how much fun you will have. I'm not exactly what kind of fun you can have after you've swum across the river to get there, but still. Sounds great to me.

My third favorite part is that she is getting married TOMORROW! BECAUSE OF HER CIRCUMSTANCES! This could be anything, right? She's pregnant. Her boyfriend is being deployed. Her daddy's dyin' and she wants to wheel him up to the top of the hill for the weddin' before he kicks the bucket. She finally got that divorce from her fourth husband. Her boyfriend is goin' to prison. For armed robbery. Her sister got out of prison unexpectedly. For good behavior. After serving her sentence for prostitution. And, bless her heart, they're just not sure how long she'll be out.

I could go on.

My fourth favorite part is all the double exclamation points.

Trust me. You're not the only one. I would have laughed out loud and shot orange juice through my nose if I had read this at work.

Poor girl . . . I wonder how all that worked out for her?

Sarah said...

Okay, well, the obvious best part is: "because of her circumstances she is getting married sooner than she thought"

But, really, what's not to love about this? It is e-mail composers like this one who ensure I am going straight to the land down under when I die...and I'm not talking about the place where they're always throwing another shrimp on the barbie.

I am confused about whether or not it is an Iowegian custom for third parties to invite presumably large groups of people to someone else's wedding as a surprise, and also whether or not is is okay to not only invite them but forbid them from giving a gift.

I enjoy the highly specific description of the actual location of the ceremony. I think you should write back and request the geographic coordinates and maybe a topographical map. Seems it might be necessary what with the infrastructure issues at play. Does your hospital have an airlift copter that coudl get you into town?

Is it also customary, as a third party, to invite uninvited guests to partake of the food and drink at someone else's shotgun wedding?

This is great. It is stuff like this that gets me all nostalgic for home.

Tori :) said...

"BECAUSE OF HER CIRCUMSTANCES SHE IS GETTING MARRIED SOONER THAN SHE THOUGHT"

"I KNOW THE BRIDGE IS OUT, BUT THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN YOU WILL HAVE!!"

"SAT MAY 23,2009 (TOMORROW)"

That's just about the tackiest invite I've ever seen.

Mycurlyhairdays said...

I would have laughed so hard, there would have been tears!!!

1- "Bridge is out"- only here! What a mess!
2- "because of her circumstances she is getting married sooner than she thought"- Hey maybe he is deploying!
3- "(Tomorrow)"- Nice.

Howertons in Iowa said...

Okay, so the whole thing is effen Awesome- but I have to say Inkmom's comment was the cherry on top!! HILARIOUS!!

Plain Jame said...

There will be banjos playin' and root beer floats for all! They'll grill up some weiners at the grill next to the pavillion!
BYOB.
SSHHHHHHH it's a surprise we're inviting tons of people to her shotgun weddin'!!

I must stop myself. Now.

What circumstances is she under dare I ponder....?

S said...

Did you go? You DID didnt you!

S said...

Favorite parts already not mentioned!

ALL COWORKERS!!

AT THE
PARK ACROSS THE STREET UNDER THE
PAVILION ON TOP OF THE HILL!!(Through the bridge that is out) (K we have the bear hunt story covered)

I KNOW IT IS SHORT NOTICE, BUT I JUST GOT THE DETALS WORKED OUT LAST NIGHT..

Big Jay said...

Maybe I have some supressed memories from back when I was outgoing and used to invite people to parties... but I still don't understand why this is funny. Maybe if you think this is funny you also like Lost... no... Nobo doesn't like Lost.

Rebecca said...

its hysterical because most people don't make all the social blunders this one invitation did... all at once.. the formality of Gettin married.. the elegance of the park across the street under the pavillion on the top of the hill.. the time frame.. tomorrow.. the constant consideration for the bride.. who is getting married sooner than she thought.. the thoughtfulness.. don't tell her and omit gifts.. and lastly.. even with the bridge out.. you are guaranteed a great time, I mean drinks and maybe a late supper.. sounds like the perfect annoucment to me!

Heffalump said...

Wow...the poor bride!

Klin said...

S and Sarah think just like I do! I was wondering/thinking the same things they commented.

I laughed out loud, inciting inquiries by all children in home as to "what is so funny?!"

WHO wouldn't laugh?

Analiese said...

This is too funny. And then J's response in the comments is even funnier.
My Favs:
* The circumstances - could you please give me her number cause she said if i have any questions to call. I have questions.

* the fact that a card would override a gift. are you kidding me! if you are coming to my shotgun wedding and even if you are a co-worker, i want a gift!

* anyone want to come - mmm no???

* why is she giving us the girls address when she is getting married AT THE
PARK ACROSS THE STREET UNDER THE
PAVILION ON TOP OF THE HILL. are we supposed to surprise her at her house or at the hill.

Im so confused.

I hope you went cause you were guaranteed to have a lot of fun. who doesn't like to have fun!!!

Charlotte said...

I'm going to try to pick something no one else has...

I liked that there might or might not be a late supper. You can go hungry and starve or come full and re-experience the whole "we'll go to both families' Thanksgiving dinner."

I also love the ALL CAPS. BECAUSE SCREAMING IN EMAILS IS AWESOME.

Charlotte said...

Does this sound like a Surprise Wedding? Why is someone else working out the details the night before the bride's wedding? Repeated warnings not to tell her. Poor girl probably has no idea tomorrow is her big day.

I bet the "her circumstances" causing her to get "married sooner than she thought" is that, having no plans of getting married yet, she hasn't thought about it at all and her crazy, misspelling, all caps friend has planned a surprise wedding.

Maybe her friend can throw me a party. I've always wanted someone to throw me a surprise funeral (but omit cards, I want gifts).

ucmama said...

My favorite part is that J doesn't think it's funny. Poor, poor J.

It's sad to miss out on all the glee...

MommyJ said...

I already told you my favorite parts, so I'm all I'm saying is...

You are funny?

Nobody said...

Yay! J is SO wrong on this one.

My favorite parts were obviously mentioned.
"AT THE
PARK ACROSS THE STREET UNDER THE
PAVILION ON TOP OF THE HILL!!"

I tried to think of any prepositions she left out. Pretty sure she got them all.

Then the other part that made me finally lose it was the "Because of her circumstances." But there's so much gold in here. "gettin" the bridge, the surprise, the random info of her address, where nothing is actually happening, the encouragement NOT to bring gifts. I really enjoyed the whole "I would gladly take her a card" bit. I would but I'm busy? Making hilarious email invitations? I don't know.

Thanks for enjoying it with me.

Poor J indeed.

Cindy said...

It is all so funny, that it is not really funny...if that makes sense. It is like you are laughing at something, and at the sametime thinking, that is kind of sad.

Anyway, I love planning parties and I would e\never send something like that out.

What did the girl who the party was for say??? tell me, tell me!

Adolescent Family said...

Um, J has been here WAY too long if he doesn't appreciate this one! This is another one of those, "only in IA" moments. Just can't get enough.

Camille said...

I totally laughed out loud at "BECAUSE OF HER CIRCUMSTANCES SHE IS GETTING MARRIED SOONER THAN SHE THOUGHT.." Maybe that's mean of me.

Physcokity said...

"Because of her circumstances she's getting married sooner than we thought" hands down winner in my book.

yeah.

What circumstances might those be? hmm?

Physcokity said...

Sounds like whoever sent this email was planning the d-day of wedding assaults.

Code Yellow said...

I missed guessing your faves.BUT. My first chortle was at "we're surprising her!" Just because for a second it made me think the inviter was going to set the poor girl up on a blind wedding (as opposed to blind date) and we could all go for the fun.

I think I not only would have laughed, but I'd a found a way to get to that wedding. Shoot.

Code Yellow said...

P.S. I knew that the pavilion was what got you.

Bethany said...

Other people totally mentioned my favorite parts already-- but WOW! I think maybe there was a reason her co-workers weren't invited originally?? ;)

:) YAY!! said...

1- It's all in caps!!

2- SHE IS GETTING MARRIED AT THE
PARK ACROSS THE STREET UNDER THE
PAVILION ON TOP OF THE HILL!!

3- DON'T TELL HER, BUT STOP IN FOR A DRINK WITH US AND MAYBE A LATE SUPPER!!

4- I KNOW THE BRIDGE IS OUT, BUT THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH FUN YOU WILL HAVE!!

5- The AWESOME use of exclamation marks after each sentence!!

**I know you asked for only 3, but happiness made me love it all!!