Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Television Habits of The Not So Rich or Famous

The other day back ago Bo came downstairs for some water when he was supposed to be in bed. As a result, he was briefly exposed to the smut I watch on tv. The smut I save specifically for after bedtime so that the only person I have to look bad in front of, is J. J doesn't let me off the hook either. He has his own running dialogue with whoever is talking on my smut episode of choice. "Tyra, I haven't heard a word you've said since the '97 Sport's Illustrated cover" or other such nonsense. I try to ignore him cuz mama needs her trash tv, but sometimes I have to tell him I'd like to have a relationship inventory and talk about our feelings so that he'll get back to his political blogs and leave me alone.

Well, as Bo was walking through the living room, he of course stared at the tv the entire time because if he's staring at the tv, I won't notice he isn't in bed or isn't getting a drink and I will get so absorbed I will let him stand there for hours. But, I am no ordinary mother. I am extraordinary. I reminded him nonstop that he was getting water and getting back in bed. During my nonstop reminding however, someone on tv said a bad word. Of the female dog variety. Bo burst out laughing and immediately went to repeat it. I cringed. For all my monitoring in the daytime, for all the banning of cartoon network, for all the talk about "stupid" being "the s word", I sure was careless. Only, he said, "You just shut yo mouth you FISH! HAHAHAHAHA!" He didn't even hear it, but he thought it was funny. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

Sunday morning however...

He came into the bathroom where I was matting down styling my hair and started giving me a play by play of some cartoon he saw several days ago. If we don't take control of conversation, Bo will talk nonstop for 10 days straight about crap fascinating things he sees on tv. Very annoying.

I tune out most of it because the only thing more annoying in this world than a kid's cartoon, is a the said kid recounting it. Every. Single. Detail. But at the end of this particular monologue he recounted, "And then he said, 'that will give you g-a-s! Ahahahaha isn't that so funny mom!? G-A-S!!! HAHAHAHAHA!"

I was surprised he'd learned to spell on a dumb cartoon. My interest was piqued. I asked him, "What cartoon did you see that on?"

He answered, "My Damn Partner Is A Monkey".*

I'm so glad I bother.

*For those who don't have cable, are better parents than me, or just don't realize the mistake he's made, the actual show is "My GYM partner is a Monkey".

UPDATED TO ADD: After reading this post, J reminded me of our longstanding battle between my love of trash and his complete intolerance. At least he has a sense of humor about it. He wrote this well over a year ago.

21 comments:

S said...

FIRST !!!!!!!

S said...

Ok I was gonna say.... we call that recappin "TIVO" around here. It drives me nutso, cuz 9/10 I was watching the show with him in the first place. Honeychild, you have some BEAUTIFUL red hair why do you talk bad about it????

S said...

I just recently started getting cable and I have noticed that some of these cartoons sound a lot like they are cussing. I find myself saying, what are they sayin a bit too often.????

Millie said...

"Damn" is OK to say if you're talking about an actual dam. We've discussed this in my family.

I loved "mama needs her trash TV" and "relationship inventory..." - so awesome. :)

Big Jay said...

http://bigjayreviewseverything.blogspot.com/2006/09/laguna-beach-show-i-love-to-hate.html

Big Jay said...

Also one note. The most versatile phrase to use when talking back to reality TV -

"Ooooh. It's on."

Big Jay said...

Or how about this one:

"Because I... am a bad ass."

The Child Family said...

I'm LOL! Please let me use your phrase~"mama needs her trash tv." I need it in my vocab! & I am going to use your "relationship inventory" technique! AWESOME!

Carrot Jello said...

All I can do is laugh and be glad it's your child that says things like that. ;)

Code Yellow Mom said...

The Tyra mono/dialogue - hilarious. And the "because if he's staring at the TV I won't notice..." - that's the kind of thing that I remember doing when I was little but fail to recognize in my kids and you captured it perfectly.

And I'm with s. Quit fishin' about your hair. ;)

Rebecca said...

This was hilarious!

TheVasquez3 said...

i needs me my trash TV too. thank heaven for DVR!!

Barnecked Lady said...

LOL. My kids watch that monkey show and when I read that I was like, WHAT???? It's really named that.
The other night I was telling Jacob the story I just posted on my blog but using a different word than idiot. I thought the boys were asleep and then out of nowhere I hear Brayden saying, "Mom, I heard that!" lol. I just laughed. MOTHER OF THE YEAR AGAIN!!!!

No Cool Story said...

"You just shut yo mouth you FISH!"

Can anyone ever top that? I believe it's not possible.
I bet some will try it, but this can never be topped by anyone.

No Cool Story said...

I know he learned "D@mn" from you and now "Fish".

tsk, tsk, tsk...oh how low we have fallen.

Sarah said...

This has nothing to do with the topic but I think it is just great... http://www.childdrowningprevention.com/index.html

Tori :) said...

FISH is gonna be my new cuss word. Bo is so awesome.

Kim said...

I am laughing too hard to post, but can you teach me how to cross out words?? That is awesome...

Sketchy said...

FISH!!!

I am using that. Just because.

Lisa said...

Love, "Mama needs her trash tv" and "Shut yo mouth you fish!" Haha! Both are great!!!

I just want to add that I can so relate to the telling and retelling of fictional adventures. Only mine talk non stop about their VIDEO GAMES! Animal Crossing this and Theme Park that. I give one look and say something very loving like, "And how many fish did you catch? Because you bet I'm keepin' count!" Sarcasm. My kids love me.

glittersmama said...

You have the funniest kids. Thanks for sharing.

Come watch trash tv with me.