All Three of Them Have My Number

First:

Danyo has terrible gas. Not so terrible for us (although my friend Kiki might disagree---she was sure a dog had suddenly died and rotted for a week out of nowhere under her couch when we were visiting and Danyo had a little "bout") but awful for him. I try to be careful of what I eat, but it seems that the only thing he doesn't have trouble with is ice cream. And I just can't be forced to eat that for every meal. Oh wait. Yes I can.

Our faux Halloween night Pho done him in. He's been working hard. Today he was napping and started crying. I picked him up, not sure if it was gas bothering him or he was waking up. Often they are one in the same. Sadly. Anyway, he kept his eyes closed and calmed right down. I rocked him gently for a few minutes and went to set him back down. His eyes popped open like one of those crazy eye-closing dolls the second he felt himself being let go. And he started screaming. I swooped him back up. Rocked and soothed a little longer. His eyes were closed the entire time. He looked so sweet and peaceful. And sleeping. I put him down. Wide eyed screaming out of nowhere. FIVE TIMES he did this to me. Normally I wouldn't play the game so long, but I wanted to see how far he'd take it. He kept his eyes closed anytime I was holding him, and he looked like he'd just drank a 40 oz Mt Dew every time I went to put him down. I swear I saw him smiling when his eyes were closed.

Second:
My friend Jen's little 3 year old tells her, "You're not my best friend" when she is mad at her mom. I always get a kick out of that when she tells me about it. And I started wondering if/when Avee would be like that, or if she even knew what a "best friend" was. So I asked her, about a month ago---"Do you have a best friend?" Without a moment's hesitation she snapped at me, "NO! Avee not have a besth fwiend!"
"Isn't mommy your best friend?"
"NO!"

So I chalked it up to her not knowing what a BF was. I mean, look at me guys, surely I would be it if she knew what a best friend was.

Sunday, driving home from church, she announces quite sentimentally, "Say-wuh is me beeeeeesth fwiend, I woff her."

And today while watching Little Mermaid she exclaims again "Oh, le'maid is my besth fwiend."

I lost out to a half-naked animation who totally dies her hair red, that can't be natural.

And Third:

About a month ago when I was working on organizing the basement, Bo stepped on a microscopic piece of glass. It was much like an unanesthetized amputation. In his mind. And our ears. Since then, he's avoided the basement. Rather than put on a pair of shoes and avoid a repeat mishap, he just shuns the basement altogether. When he sees someone open the door to the basement stairs he gets all worked up and frantically yells, "DO YOU HAVE YOUR SHOES ON!?!?!"

Today I was down there switching out some laundry and he yells down to me.

"Mom, are you downstairs?"
"Yes, I'm doing some laundry."
"DO YOU HAVE YOUR SHOES ON!?!?!"
"Yes Bo," I lie. It's just easier. I promise.
Sort of mournfully, "Ohhhhh, I really want to be near you, but I just can't come downstairs. Could you come up here?"

I ask you, who could resist that kind of request?
"I'll be right up!"

Smiling sheepishly when I reappear from the death trap of glass shards below, "There you are! Could you set up Cartoon Legwohk dot com foh me?

I realized today that whatever delusions I have of being in charge, are a complete waste of my time.