WARNING: I admittedly write long posts, this one tops them all. You probably won’t want/need to read this unless you are like, my mother, or have hopes of being included in my will. It’s okay. I won’t be offended. This is a vent post.
Sometimes I tend to make reference to things in a post, and then someone asks about it in a comment, and I don’t elaborate. I don’t know why I do that. It’s so unlike me to not elaborate.
And I’m sorry.
It’s not you, it’s me.
It’s a “texture” thing.
Just kidding. I love it when people say "it's a texture thing” when describing why they don’t like a food. I always thought it would be funny to use that line in a break up.
I have made reference to the crappy bureaucracy at my son’s school in the past. I want to be very clear before I let loose on some opinions. I LOVE his teacher. I was bratty about the first encounter and
MommyJ schooled me on that in the comment section, and since then, I’
ve been a nice kind girl, and she has exceeded my expectations as Bo’s teacher. Very happy with her.
Administration? Not so much.
So, I made reference to Bo being locked out of his school once. When we found out about it at dinner, neither J nor I realized how traumatizing it was for Bo. He was fighting back tears, but then again, sometimes not getting to play one more round of Zelda can bring on the tears. Four and a half hours later he was STILL crying about it and clearly traumatized. He laid in his bed for nearly 2 hours coming up with various plans to avoid ever getting locked out, or having to get a late slip. It was heartbreaking to say the least.
In my anger, I wrote an email to his principal:
Mr. Crappy Principal,
My son is a kindergartner at your school. Today, I dropped him off a little later than normal at about 8:54. Although there were several other children and adults around, somehow he ended up outside locked doors, in the rain, unable to get into the building. He finally found his way through the cafeteria where he was told he was late and needed to get a late slip. The next adult who saw him, one of your “para-educators” treated him like he was doing something wrong and ordered him to the office to get a late slip. Since he is FIVE and has been an elementary student for less than two weeks, he didn't have any idea what that entailed. Rather than be comforted in his obvious distress (he was wet from the rain and crying), he was reprimanded for being late and sent off to do something he
didn’t know how to do. At the office, his backpack was rifled through (I assume looking for a note from me?) and he was then sent off to his class with a late slip.
I understand that your school has procedures that it follows and that these procedures are what helps things run more smoothly.
What I don't understand is why a five year old boy, who has gone to school for less than 10 days of his entire life, wasn't treated a little more gently and with a little more compassion. The three kids I dropped off at the same time as him were not late. So that means, either my son was mere seconds "late" or he was behaving as an average five year old who is attending only his second week of school, and got lost or confused. I don't understand why one of the 2-3 "helpful" people who told him he was late, didn't walk with him to the office, or explain to him what was going on, or show any kind of compassion toward him. Isn't he why they are even there?
I'm not an over-reactive person; but I am sorely disappointed that I had to spend my evening comforting my young son, assuring him that he does have time to eat breakfast before school and that that it is okay to go to school tomorrow without fear of getting locked out of his school, shuffled around rudely by the adults who "care" for him, and that even though he got a late slip it doesn't mean he's a bad kid. I'm still trying to figure out why on earth a kindergartner in his second week of school would even need a late slip, but that's not really the issue at hand.
We told our son that kindergarten would be a great experience, that others would be good to him, that he would meet a lot of really nice people at _______ and when I sent him through the doors at ________, entrusting him to you, your administration, and your staff, we expected those promises we made to him to be easily fulfilled.
I cannot express to you enough how much more than disappointed I am, that already this wasn't the case.
Sincerely,
Nobody
I never sent this email to him. Although, upon review, I’m wishing I had. It was written on September 4
th. I calmed down and first contacted his teacher. She was entirely unaware. I
didn’t know who the idiot para-educator was and I
didn’t feel like it was a battle I could win. “Your employee was mean to my baby! Let me see a line-up!”
His teacher calmed him down about late slips, and we moved on.
Approximately 5 weeks later Bo informs me at bedtime that he
doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow, because it turns out he had a recess taken away. I assumed his teacher took it away and my first response was, “Well, guess you should have listened to your teacher”. But he tells me, it was ANOTHER para-educator. And this time, the infraction was....wait for it, wait for it....he put his hand over his friends mouth to keep his friend from saying the same thing over and over and over in his ear. Because that is a horrible, vile, despicable, and dangerous thing to have going on at a school with five year old boys.
Estupido.
So I get out my handy typewriter, and clink away at this letter:
Mrs
Niceteacher,
At the risk of sounding like an overprotective, busy-body mom...
Bo doesn't want to go to school tomorrow because he was told today he was getting his recess taken away. Best I can tell, he put his hand on ________'s mouth because ______ kept repeating something and Bo couldn't get him to stop. Bo knows the rules and knows he shouldn't have done that. I want to tell Bo that he needs to accept the consequences of his behavior and he knows the rules, etc. I also want to explain to him that this kind of stuff happens, and he'll have to just miss the recess.
Of course I assumed at first that
you had taken away the recess and I was sure it was warranted, since you've dealt with squirmy,
handsy, non-hand raising Bo from Day One and have exercised a lot of patience thus far. However, he told me Ms ______ is the one who did it and that there was no warning given at all. She saw his hand on _______'s mouth and told him she was taking his name and taking away his recess tomorrow.
My two concerns. As I understand it, recess time at Stellar Staff Elementary is pretty limited already and having a recess taken away seems pretty drastic for this kind of "offense." Secondly, I don't know why a warning wasn't issued before he had his recess taken away completely. We talk a lot to Bo about the rules and we really stress the importance of keeping his hands to himself, he gets it, and as he says, "even if it's friendly, you aren't supposed to do it". He has come a long way and I know you've had to work with him a lot on this.
I guess it bothers me that before he's even been in school two full months, there are adults outside your classroom that are expecting him to behave perfectly without any margin of error. Putting his hand over a friend's mouth is something that would be pretty harmless outside of school, and as such, an easy mistake to make while inside school. I might be able to understand the lack of warning or extreme measure taken in "discipline" if he had done something much more aggressive or blatantly disobedient.
I'm not sure there is anything that can be done about it at this point, but I do feel compelled to communicate this with you. I didn't say anything to Bo tonight because I couldn't even convince myself that having his whole recess taken away for a fairly minor infraction is normal.
Thanks for your time,
My Kids' Mom--Nobody
She wrote back asking if she could forward my concern to Mr.
Dumbhead. I said that would be fine. I
didn’t really even think he was a
Dumbhead at the time, but had definitely heard a lot about his
Dumbhead tendencies.
He called me and said that the para-educator did admit to having over-reacted and “he should have gotten a warning, and he’s not a child she’s ever had to discipline before.”
I’m sorry, I
didn’t call to hear you say I have a good boy. I KNOW I have a good boy. I called to hear you say you’d stop treating him like he’s a bad kid.
I let it go after that. However, I was annoyed, that even though this lady admitted she reacted harshly, she
didn’t bother to let Bo off the hook. He still missed his recess. “And what a good boy! He came right up to her at recess time to report for his punishment!”
And now, present day.
Bo came home from school with a form saying he’d been sent to the room where kids get sent for being naughty. On it it said that 1. He was being disruptive. Yes, he’s a boy, he’s five, it happens. And that 2. He was kicking. Really? Bo kicked someone? That’s so surprising, he must have been really mad, I’m not sure he’s kicked anyone since he kicked sweet little Lindsey when he was 17 months old. He’s more of a hugger. Incessant, body hug, hugger. And then 3. That he was “Not Accepting Feedback”
OH NO THEY
DIH’
UNT!!!!!
I seriously stared at it for like a full minute, making sure it was his name was on it, that it was dated recently and not 2004 when he was 17 months old. I could not comprehend how that could ever possibly be said about Bo. Now, I’m a mom. He’s my baby. I’m guilty of finding his flaws endearing or calling them “character”. But I’m also his mom. And I know him. I know that there are things I have had to tell him once, and it has become an unbreakable law in his mind. While
Avee’s middle name is most likely, “Not
Aceepting Feedback” my little boy Bo will never ever ever be guilty of that. Ever.
That was a red flag for me.
So I started grilling Bo about what happened.
He said “hi” to Kicking Boy and Kicking Boy kicked him. Para-educator saw Bo being kicked and apparently assumed Bo instigated it by having kicked first. And when Bo was asked if he kicked Kicking Boy---he said no.
And then later when Bo was pulled out of his classroom, he was told several times, “If you don’t tell me the truth, I can’t deal with this
appwopwiately.” I’m pretty sure the para-educator said “appropriately” but I’m just telling you what Bo told me. And THEN he was threatened with the “count of three” to "tell the truth". Well, this is the boy who has never gotten to 3 with us. Ever. He’s terrified of what’s after three. Even though he’s been witness to nothing happening to
Avee after three, he has never risked it for himself.
So there he is, not being believed, suddenly being threatened and asked “who started it”, he answers, “I started it!”
So I say to Bo---“how did you start it? And he answers, “well, I said hi to him first before he kicked me.”
I have asked Bo probably 18-27 times in at least that many different ways if his leg, foot, any part of his body ever touched Kicking Boy. Ever. For any reason. He is positive he did nothing that could even remotely be mistaken as a kick.
These people are so set on punishing children, that they are going after 5 year
olds and not even getting the facts straight.
I’m so annoyed that this is the 3rd time in 3 short months of school that my son has been a victim of their “punish first, ask questions later” system. I was assured 36 times this morning that this school is a “Zero Tolerance Environment for Any Type of Physical Contact.”
Now that I’m thinking about it I should have told Mr.
Stupidface that I have a ZERO TOLERANCE THRESHOLD FOR STUPID ADMINISTRATION and that he’s been in violation 3 times already. And that’s not even counting the offense of his stupid tan face in December in IOWA.
Ahem. That has nothing to do with this, does it? Well, another semi-side note is, that Kicking Boy kicked Bo in the face a week before this incident, giving him a bloody nose, on the way out of school. The teacher that dealt with it (Bo’s was gone and he was in another part of the school) told Bo to hurry home before he got blood on his clothes. Nice. Fortunately he had two older friends with him who insisted on justice and hauled Kicking Boy (I imagine by the scruff of his neck) back to the teacher to receive his punishment. The next day Bo insisted that I write in his planner that he had been kicked in the face. He also subsequently wrote a love letter to his teacher that said, “I got kicked by Kicking Boy. I luv u Missus _______ and
yur housband too….”
How could anyone even think a boy who writes such darling love notes could be capable of kicking someone? Oh plus, when I asked Bo how another 5 year old managed to kick him in the FACE he explained, “Well, he was kicking me, so I ducked. And then he kicked me in the face.”
Wha?
So this morning I called the school.
Here’s my issue. It’s not that my son gets in trouble. He can cope. We are good parents, we can work around it. The issue is that there should A)be no such thing as “No Tolerance” when it comes to
Kindergarteners. That’s just ridiculous. They need warnings and constant reminders. Sorry, that’s the nature of the beast with children this young. Treat them like they are naughty (
ie, take away a recess for being honest) and they will become naughty. And B) Why are para-educators able to make such rash decisions? Who the heck are they? They don’t know my kid, they never have to deal with him more than 10-15 minutes at a time, and if that’s too much to do without going crazy and punishing all the time, perhaps they should get a job with the
TSA. Or
DMV. If they spot a problem, they should report it to the teacher and let her deal with it accordingly. Bo's teacher would have known immediately that the other kid has a history of kicking, unprovoked, and that my son is the smartest, most perfect child she's ever had the pleasure of teaching.
When I called the school Mr.
BSer-
Dumbhead transferred me within about 30 seconds to the para-educator who ran the detention room Bo was in. Um, what did she have to do with anything? Nothing. But I gather that I am not the first to complain because he was swift to transfer and she tried to be a smooth talker and it
wasn’t working. “Detention Room is not a punishment Mrs. Nobody….” She said that to me 3 times. You know what I said every time? No, of course you don’t. I said, “That may very well be, but making him eat there and stay in there during recess IS a punishment.” She also did this very weird thing to make me think she was there the entire time and knew exactly what happened.
She was speaking so matter-of-
factly and I finally said, “I’m sorry, were you there? Did you hear my son say this?” And she said YES SHE WAS. That was a lie. She also told me that Bo was never pulled out of his classroom to be interrogated. Bo told me he was, I stood by my boy. I later called his teacher and confirmed that he was in fact pulled out of the classroom to be punished. That was lie number two. Lie number three, I called her on. She initially said that Bo was asked, “Did you start it?” And he answered that yes he had. Well---he DID start it in his little mind. He said hi. I said, “He did not confess to kicking, he said he started and he
thought he started it by saying hi to _________"`. She had no way to refute that and went back to her “The Detention Room is not a punishment” (FYI, it’s not called detention room, I just don’t want to refer to the real name in case either Napoleon gets jealous, or someone can deduce what school my kid goes to).
Later she said, “But Mrs. Nobody, when Bo was asked if he kicked Preston, he said that yes, he did.”
My temper flared and I kind of yelled, “That is an outright lie Mrs. ________ and YOU know it. Don’t you dare start lying to me even more just to make your case. My son did not kick ________ and that was never the issue, but I do not take kindly to being lied to.”
She transferred me back to Mr.
Idiotface and I griped at him for transferring me unnecessarily and he explained to me what her job is. I seriously wanted to reach through the phone and slap that patronizing fetcher. Oh wait, am I getting too emotional? Probably.
Anyway, he’s skilled at protecting his para-educators, even when they are wrong, and he is skilled at talking in circles, and he is skilled at accepting no responsibility for a flaw in his system. He told me no less than 10 times about their zero-tolerance police. I said at one point, “Do you realize how illogical and stupid that is to say about 5-year-old children who are JUST STARTING SCHOOL?”
Since there
wasn’t much variety on what he said, I’ll just give you a list of things I may or may not have said.
*How am I supposed to teach my son to respect the adults who care for him when I have to send him to a school where the para-educators are bullies who abuse their power?
*Mr.
Stinkbombtorso, your reputation of defending your staff regardless of the truth, regardless of the facts, precedes you. It is unfortunate you have such an unflattering reputation. (that’s when he said, “that’s one person’s opinion" and I had lost all sense of decorum and fired back, “You’d like to THINK it’s one person’s opinion") Ooh,
oooh buuuuuuurn Nobody!
*Let me be clear, if my son is even approached by one of your para-educators in anything remotely similar to his last three encounters, it will get ugly for you very fast. He will not be a victim of your punitive-happy para-educators one more time.
*You may think that talking in circles to me and not dealing with this issue will work, but let me tell you, hell hath no fury like a Mama Bear.
Oh yes, I did. That was my first indication that I was no longer in control and needed to end the conversation. The above mentioned
buuuuuuuuurn is when I abruptly ended. But not before I informed him he
hadn’t been in the least bit helpful after he suggested he had, but thanked him for his time.
I was on the phone for 26 minutes, so obviously there was a lot more said. But I do have a tendency to forget the details of conversations with COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS PEOPLE.
I’m taking this to the next level y’all.
Tonight, I’m egging his house.
I have a couple of friends here, who will be joining me (on their own issues) in writing letters to the school board regarding this issue of fascism in Iowa. You can read what they wrote on their blogs, for some entertainment, and brevity:
Super L did a couple of letters
here and
here.
And then B Ford did
a post that made me lol
Danyo busts me 
