Thursday, October 4, 2007

If

If patience expended calories, I'd look anorexic.

I'm tempted to rewrite some of the laws of energy.

Waiting for kids to get out of the van so I can close the door: 535 calories
Taking three children, 2 crying, 1 hungry to storytime: 2055 calories (And also stupid)
Meals with Miss Finicky and Mr. Mealtime ADD: 765 calories each meal
Bedtime: 1728 calories
Listening to stories with "um" and "and den, and den" used as 5 out of the 7 words spoken: 330 calories
Having a "newborn" who just figured out being held is better: 570 calories per 1/2 hour crying jag

If I was paid for this job I do, I'd have been fired on the spot today.
If I was paid for this job, I would have quit a long time ago.

I had world war 3 with Bo today over a freaking pair of gray pants. Apparently gray is the new vomit green in the world of preschoolers. I lost the fight, by the way. I lost because the alternative was to throw him from his second story bedroom window. So, I waved the white flag, or rather, denim shorts (there is safety in denim) and went downstairs to breathe and count. I suspecting the breathing and counting I did in labor was more effective.

If Danyo has been awake today, he's been crying. Or smiling. But mostly crying. And I'm wondering if this kind of behavior is listed in the DSM-V.

After story time when my hair was still miraculously in my head and I was sweating from head to toe from exercising such control, I yelled at Avee, "STOP! GET IN YOUR SEAT!" and swatted her leg. Writing this is a little like sitting in a confessional booth. Except that I'm not Catholic and I'm sure those things aren't called booths. I felt like a total heel for losing my temper like that, but Avee removed any hope for rationalizing to make myself feel better. She started bawling and yelling, "Don't hit me mom, don't hit me, I so sad you hit me. Don't yell at me, yelling makes Avee sad."

So yeah. That's about all. Danyo's been crying during this whole post. Good thing I'm a fast typist. Typist. Typer. Typologist. Typorometer. Typomamacita.

16 comments:

Bryner Family said...

Wow, that sounds a lot like my days. A swat on the leg after WAY too many requests to get in the seat happens around here too. What is the deal with story times anyway? I know they are supposed to be fun for everyone but EVERY single time I've taken the kids to one, somebody is upset and has to be taken out or they'd rather run around the bookcases than sit down and listen to someone read. It is a very good thing we are not PAID MONEY to be moms. No amount would be enough. Luckily we're paid in something much sweeter! Texas misses you. :)

Rebecca said...

if patience expended calories.. lol.. that is hysterical.. you have 3 kids.. there is never enough patience in the world for that.. or at least in my book. I would of been fired year one of Brodos life, not to worry. Of course the swat wouldn't of been so tramatic without the commentary .. dang kids.. learning to talk and what not. You are doing a great job. keep your chin up and I will raise the denim flag here as well... peace and denim to all!!

Tori :) said...

:( I'm sorry!!! I can totally relate. Except Taj and I fight about him wearing the same freakin' Transformer shirt over and over again...

S said...

And I was so going to call you today to complain about not knowing what to have for dinner!
Joshua used to set me straight too! My favorite...Quit eating my food eat your own!

Suzanne said...

I haven't braved Story Time in years! ***shudders*** I've decided it's only possible for completely behaved children and that just wasn't going to happen!

It sounds like you've had a rough day! Tomorrow can only be better, right? Right? ***hugs***

Beckie said...

I think most of us have been right there with ya. I hope the rest of the week is better for you. Loves ya!

Barnecked Lady said...

Struggle with clothes on a boy!!!! Well i never!!! LOL!!! Are you kidding me???? Brayden has been that way since he could undress himself, He is 8 now and still won't wear collared shirts and plain t-shirts with stitching on them among other things etc...........ANNOYING!!!!!!!!! I can't tell you how many times Barnecked has yelled THEN GO TO SCHOOL NAKED FOR ALL I CARE!!!

Rebecca said...

BTW.. love the farm!!!

glittersmama said...

You totally cracked me up. Sorry to laugh at your rough day, but at least you didn't need boot camp, then, huh?

DSM-V? I'm still trying to figure out DSM-IV...

Breit Mama said...

Just FYI - If you are cath0lic it is a confessional and beer booth... no wait it is a beer garden and a pull-tab booth, err wait....

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Dude. You are a genius - I can't believe you found "Nobody". I've been thinking about that song for weeks.

This post is great. I love your random calorie amounts and your first line. Amen on "anorexic."

Poor Angela, weren't you going to move next door to me once?

Andrea said...

Love it! My girls latest is "don't get angry. please don't get angry"... ya.. makes me feel like a heel.

Suzanne said...

Yay, I love your new look! :D

Luisa Perkins said...

Total dogsock. On dark days like that, I mentally write my letter of resignation in my head....

But at least your blog looks snazzy!

cindy said...

i have to confess that i have been reading your blog for a while now without posting. you are a great writer and i am always laughing (and relating). thanks.

No Cool Story said...

Had I known this little gem of a post was out here in cyberspace, I'd have come back earlier.

Taking three children, 2 crying, 1 hungry to storytime: 2055 calories (And also stupid)

So let's see:
-Tears?
-Is my sleeve wet? (both tears and drool)
-Pee came out? ( a little)
-Copy/pasted a quote?
-Read it more than twice?
-Does it have Avee?

Yep.