If

If patience expended calories, I'd look anorexic.

I'm tempted to rewrite some of the laws of energy.

Waiting for kids to get out of the van so I can close the door: 535 calories
Taking three children, 2 crying, 1 hungry to storytime: 2055 calories (And also stupid)
Meals with Miss Finicky and Mr. Mealtime ADD: 765 calories each meal
Bedtime: 1728 calories
Listening to stories with "um" and "and den, and den" used as 5 out of the 7 words spoken: 330 calories
Having a "newborn" who just figured out being held is better: 570 calories per 1/2 hour crying jag

If I was paid for this job I do, I'd have been fired on the spot today.
If I was paid for this job, I would have quit a long time ago.

I had world war 3 with Bo today over a freaking pair of gray pants. Apparently gray is the new vomit green in the world of preschoolers. I lost the fight, by the way. I lost because the alternative was to throw him from his second story bedroom window. So, I waved the white flag, or rather, denim shorts (there is safety in denim) and went downstairs to breathe and count. I suspecting the breathing and counting I did in labor was more effective.

If Danyo has been awake today, he's been crying. Or smiling. But mostly crying. And I'm wondering if this kind of behavior is listed in the DSM-V.

After story time when my hair was still miraculously in my head and I was sweating from head to toe from exercising such control, I yelled at Avee, "STOP! GET IN YOUR SEAT!" and swatted her leg. Writing this is a little like sitting in a confessional booth. Except that I'm not Catholic and I'm sure those things aren't called booths. I felt like a total heel for losing my temper like that, but Avee removed any hope for rationalizing to make myself feel better. She started bawling and yelling, "Don't hit me mom, don't hit me, I so sad you hit me. Don't yell at me, yelling makes Avee sad."

So yeah. That's about all. Danyo's been crying during this whole post. Good thing I'm a fast typist. Typist. Typer. Typologist. Typorometer. Typomamacita.