Friday, November 14, 2008

Wicked Times Two

So, many of you may know I saw Wicked at the end of July. I fell deeply, madly in love with it. We listened to the soundtrack for Wicked from about April until about a month ago when our beastly car CD player started scratching and skipping and Galinda started singing "Gonna make you pop- as me!" Kids repeat everything they hear.

The show goes off stage in January, so I was pretty set on going one more time with J and possibly Bo. Well, last night, we did. It was great. I sat in a different place and it was nice to see a different perspective.

A couple of times I got really caught up in the music and the story and I would turn to see if J was enjoying it as well and be struck by the sudden realization that I had just dragged my husband to a musical. I've turned into one of those wives. To my credit, I did resist whispering in his ear, "don't you just love the costumes" and other such femmy things.

We got Bo out of school and picked up two of his friends who were meeting their grandparents there and headed out of town.

We had decided to take J's rice grinder for the good gas mileage and because all three boys fit nicely in the backseat.

20 minutes down the freeway I turned to J and said, "Next time, we take the van and make the boys sit in the very back." They were so talking so loudly to each other. I'm sorry, but if one of my friends yelled in my ear like that all the time, they probably wouldn't be my friend anymore. But they all yelled everything the said. The louder and more unfunny it was, the better received it was. I have completely different standards in my personal relationships.

Since we did a lot of driving two summers ago, we got kind of strict with Bo asking "are we there yet"? We told him, "we'll get there when we get there, so stop asking." Somehow, that worked. As I write it out I'm wondering how and why.

Well, the two little guys traveling with us hadn't been indoctrinated like Bo and so they started asking about 20 minutes into the 3 hour drive. Which I thought was funny. Finally J told them, "When you see skyscrapers instead of cornfields, we'll be there." Suddenly large barns became "highscrapers" and a long discussion on what makes a skyscraper and also some of the details around 9-11. The eight year old said several times, "how stupid to fly a plane into a building on purpose, I mean--you're going die doing it---why would to be so dumb." I think sometimes 8 year olds might be a lot smarter than many adults...

Anyway. We got there in time to have a fun dinner at a place called Ed Debevics. It's one of those places where the servers are expected to be loud, rude, and obnoxious. I thought Bo would like it. He was sort of in shock and we had to tell him several times that they were supposed to act silly and say crazy things. 45 minutes later he figured he "got it" and climbed under the table and started smacking our waiter's leg. I would have loved to have been in on his thought process. Whatever process got him from wide-eyed, silent, wonder to crawling under tables and striking strangers HAD to have been a good one.

Interestingly, that is one of the very few things he's talked about today.

We walked a brisk 8 blocks or so to the theater because we found free parking by ol' Ed's.

About 30 minutes into the show Bo had made his way to my lap. About 10 minutes after that he said he was thirsty, and then subsequently complained of a headache. I was sure he was dehydrated and told him to hang on a few, and we'd load up on water at intermission. We bought a $3, 8 oz bottle of water. Be very clear that I felt immensely stupid doing that.

We guzzled and then refilled at the water fountain a couple of times.

Back in the theater, the story line got more interesting and Bo seemed to be following with more interest. Then he just flopped back on me and started telling me his brain hurt. He also kept trying to smell the hair of the lady in front of us. Aaaawkward.

About 10 minutes before the show ended, he was just so tired, I figured he'd gotten the most of the experience and I turned him so he'd rest against me and potentially fall asleep.

He did not fall asleep.

He yakked ALL over me.

Twice.

It was so disgusting, I can't even begin to tell you how disgusting. But believe me, I'd like to, because I do not like to suffer alone. You probably already know this about me.

If he had been trying to smell hair, or lolling about in his chair sideways like he had been most of the night, it could have been HORRIBLE. I cringe just thinking about how horrible. How would you ever recover from that? Sorry about your hair ma'am. And your mom's face Ricky.

So, J grabbed Bo and bolted and I sat there smelling like vomit and feeling a bit bewildered. I suddenly remembered I didn't want J to miss the end so I grabbed all our vomit-laden jackets and my vomit-laden self and ran after them. I ordered J back into the theater. You can imagine how unwilling he was to leave us to our vomit and go back to Oz.

An usher caught up with me and said, "go in there please" and pointed me to a private bathroom very close.

Inside the bathroom Bo chatted about how gross it all was and how he knew he was going to do it and how disgusting my shirt smelled. His ability to completely disassociate from what he's done--to me, astounds me.

I tried my darndest to do what needed to be done. But without my face shield, I was powerless.

I threw up too.

I'm only telling you this because....well, I guess because I can.

Bo had the nerve to tell me I was really gross. I didn't tell him I had never even been within a MILE of gross my entire life, until I had children.

I basically had to hose my shirt down, ball up my sweater to keep most of the nastiness concealed, and spot clean my pants. I took off Bo's shirt and made him wear his coat out.

We took a cab back to our car. I really wonder what that cab driver thought of our scent. I don't care, but I do wonder.

Bo was asleep within 6 minutes of being in our car.

I got a Chicago t-shirt for $9.99 at Walgreens. I walked in there, covered in "cleaned up" vomit because that's how very little I trust my husband's ability to not walk out of the store with a tie-dyed, x-small shirt for me to wear. Interestingly, Mr. Tightwad suddenly got all free with his money when he realized we were right next to a Hooters and I was in need of a shirt. I told him the shirts were like, at least $25, mostly likely twice that. He didn't care.

I do not get that.

Even though I got a new shirt and bagged up all the vomit clothes and washed my arms and legs with Sweat Pea waterless sanitizer, I still smelled faintly of Ed Debevic's cheese pizza on a bad day, the whole way home.

It's all good now. I had a nice shower at 2:30 am. I'm pleased to report, the vomit I smell now is just my brain playing tricks on me. Seems 3-4 hours subjected to a horrible smell like that, it gets planted in your brain.

I'm also not ever taking Bo to see Wicked again. He's a high-risk vomitous ingrate.

Whom I adore.

40 comments:

Lisa said...

I'm so sad that Bo's and J's experience of Wicked will forever be about vomit. It's just not fair. I love Wicked!

Hope everyone is feeling better. And the vomit smell is soon forgotten!

Lisa said...

At first I was thinking how lucky you are to see Wicked twice. But now, not so much. ;)

Coordination Queen said...

All I can say is wow.

beeeeeeeee said...

I hope you are writing a book because that was fantastic!

Howertons in Iowa said...

I will need to know your seat numbers so that I can avoid sitting there. No offense though - I still like you as a person, just not the vomit.
Reading this was all very borderline for me but it was like a car accident, I couldn't stop reading cause I needed to know the outcome.

What is it with you and vomit stories? You must be a magnet. Who needs ER stories when you got a whole books worth of your own. You're Awesome!

Beckie said...

Oh goodness! You could not make that up even if you tried! Poor things. Vomit puts me on edge too, it takes everything I have not to do it my self when someone in my family is sick. I hope everyone is feeling better.

Sketchy said...

Some day you will sit back and ...
...and
...and
...and really cry about having to miss the ending of Wicked because of vomit.

Oh my, what a tale though, when ever he get's whiney about something for the rest of his life you can just raise your hand and say "WICKED. dude."

and you win.

SARAH said...

that post rocked... sorry about the vomit, but face it.. it made a great story :)

Tori :) said...

Like I told you earlier- Isabel puked on me twice on a plane. You're kinda limited with what you can do on a plane... I'm sure I stunk.

I will try not to yell in your ear.

Methodical wormer said...

OH. MY. GOSH. WTC!?

I was DYING when he called you gross. So funny.

I am so sorry.

Emily said...

I'm DIEing laughing. DIE. ING.

I almost want to vomit myself that was SO funny. But sad.

Really, I'm so. . .so. . . sorry.

I'm glad you got a chicago t-shirt though.

Klin said...

How do you DO that? You take a horrible experience and make me laugh. I almost threw up just thinking about it and then read you did.

I think the smell gets stuck in the nose hairs and that's why you smell it for hours afterward.

glittersmama said...

So...no H00ters t-shirt?

I have to go figure out how to see Wicked.

Adolescent Family said...

At the beginning of the post, I admit,...jealousy. I am dying to see Wicked again. I was thinking "AH, why didn't you call me and tell me you got tickets!" Then after reading about Vomit, well, I'm SO glad we weren't with you, riding in the same car as you, etc. :)

But you made some memories!

It was much more fun to read about than experience, I'm sure! :)

Sister Pottymouth said...

EEWWWWWW!!!

That's just nasty.

Bummer for you.

Sarah Tilley said...

oh, puked up pizza. can't imagine anything worse. if i'm ever up chicago ways i'm not eating at ed's. sorry your trip to see wicked was less than spectacular. but hey, at least you forever have a special memory to share with bo- "hey, remember that time you puked all over me and i puked, too..."

MommyJ said...

So, so, so tragically sorry for your vomit filled evening. I hope he's not still sick, and that it was just one night of pizza induced yakking.

Tell Bo my brain hurts too right before I barf. I wonder how many more words I can use for upchucking... that's my least favorite one... upchuck. Or maybe blow chunks is the most disgusting. Okay. sorry. I'm done now.

Still jealous that you saw wicked, since someone totally got me hooked on it.

omar said...

This story wouldn't have been nearly as good if he fell asleep. Good thing he puked on you instead.

Rebecca said...

LOL... you are hysterical... and I am sure you didn't feel that was soaked in vomit.. but thanks for sharing your experience, we truly appreciate it!! :) BTW.. went to that same Ed. D when I was a kid.. loved it, but didn't vomit!!

ucmama said...

Nobody, now available in vomit flavor...

Barnecked Lady said...

I just can't read your blog anymore...see ya in a few months!

Michelle Garff said...

love this. you will never, ever forget this! reminds me of a story my dad told of his highschool basketball practice after a night of drinking. the coach knew, so he ran them extra hard...and one by one they started puking, until everyone was...including the coach. AWESOME. i love reading your life.

S said...

So nasty I am with barnacked lady on this on.

Beckie said...

Wait....maybe it wasn't Ed D's that made him sick, maybe it was what ever that lady had on her hair! She should be ashamed of herself, putting something so perfumy on her hair as to make a small child hurl chunks! FOR SHAME...horribly overly perfumed hair product lady, FOR SHAME!

Charlotte said...

I have so so many barf stories your story makes them seem not so horrible. I might even be able to remember them fondly. No, I can't. But your is still worse than all of them put together.

swampbaby said...

Holy cow! Knock on wood, but I've yet to have a kid fully yack on me in public. I did however have to run into a Walgreens once and buy a shirt for $7 because I had spilt all over myself.

Cindy said...

At least you won't forget your expereince of taking BO and J to see Wicked. Vomit is gross, but Poo is worse...it could have been worse!

Amanda said...

How do you make seeing wicked with, a high-risk vomitous ingrate. so entertaining? I'm sorry it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, but thanks for making me laugh out loud, at your expense.

Andrew said...

Having served as a missionary in New York, I had the opportunity to see several musicals on Broadway. I can't even imagine taking a small child to one.

You're brave, Nobody, to try to teach your child culture so young. Bo's review of Wicked, however is somewhat less enthusiastic than yours...

megachick said...

so, what _did_ J think of the costumes?

i am going to see wicked in late december, i seriously hope i don't experience any vomit.

No Cool Story said...

Uh, can we have like a warning before the post? I was enjoying my second bowl of (dry) cocoa pebbles.
Now? Not so much.

No Cool Story said...

See? I belive this was a sign.
A sign that you should have taken me instead.

I would so NOT have puked all over you and your jackets.

No Cool Story said...

OMGosh.

I can't belive you threw up.
Poor poor you. I feel sick now.

No Cool Story said...

ITA with Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. This needs to go in the book. Make a whole chapter out of it.

No Cool Story said...

I feel sorry for Ricky's mom's face.

It blewed up!

aubrey said...

well, no wonder you still smelled gross if you washed your arms and legs with SWEAT pea hand sanitizer. or maybe it says SWEET pea and your blog layout is playing tricks on my eyes...

aubrey said...

i didn't know wicked was leaving...i would have loved to see it. i've only heard the soundtrack on a few blogs and in carrot's car. i think you and her were singing along. or maybe it was just her. but i would love to see it!

aubrey said...

throw up is just plain sick. i thank God all the time that my kids are abnormally healthy and have only thrown up like once or twice in their little lives. and paul cleans it up. cuz i have that instant gag reflex. yeck. i'm sorry.

Camille said...

"...I had never even been within a MILE of gross my entire life, until I had children."

AMEN

Thanks for sharing your pain.

Physcokity said...

"He's a high-risk vomitous ingrate." hahahaha

Love it!