Thursday, November 13, 2008

What I'm Up Against

Avee: What's in this box mom?
Mom: It's a present, please don't open it
Avee: But I want to open it
Mom: I'm sure you do, but please don't open it, it isn't for you, leave it alone.
(a few minutes later, 6 inches away from me, I notice her carefully pulling the tape off of the box)
Mom: Avee! I just said don't open that, what are you doing!?
Avee: I'm opening it.
Mom: I said no. You heard me say no!
Avee: What? Nooooo, I hode you say yes.
Mom: No, you didn't Avee, I said don't open that box and you know that.
Avee: Well, Mom it sounded like you said yes. I hode you say, "Open that box Avee, yes you can!"

Avee: Mom, can I watch Le'maid?
Mom: Yes, but you can't eat that popsicle in the living room, go in the kitchen and finish it and then I'll put on Little Mermaid.
Avee: What? This popsicle? It's not mine, it's yo's. Here you go!

While holding Danyo in a headlock, as he screams, she strokes his hair with her free hand and coos, "It's okay, it's okay sweet boy."

Um, no it's not. You have him in a HEADLOCK.

Avee:Mom, be sooooo carefo, I'm sitting on your head and I don't need to fall off and get hurt.
I said be careful!
Mom: What exactly would you have me do Avee, not move at all, just sit perfectly still so you can sit comfortably on my head all day?
Avee: Duh, yeah.

unrelated sidenote: I have always been hesitant to respond to comments in my comment section because there are two things I don't really like to do alone. Laugh and talk. But I love the dialogue that comments can sometimes create, so I've decided to make it standard to respond to comments. I do, when I read them, so now I'll share. In an effort to avoid talking to myself and thus feeling dumb, I'll respond to whatever comments I have in one fell swoop. I'll probably do it anywhere from 12-24 hours after posting. So, if you like having your comments responded to (I love it!) now you have a time frame. If you miss the cutoff, I'm sorry. No refunds or exchanges. Just outright rejection.

related sidenote:"duh" is not really a word I let the kids say, but I have learned with Avee, ignoring it is the best approach with the less offensive, obnoxious words. Just in case you thought I was a bad mom or something. I have much better evidence of bad parenting besides that. Give me time.


Klin said...

Am I first?!

Klin said...

I am first. I am first.

Woot Woot for me.

Klin said...

Your Avee is a gem and a challenge.

She heard you say yes, has her brother in headlock, and sits on your head. What more could you ask for in a little girl?

The hubs is home today and he is laughing.

Because it's you and NOT him, that's why.

Lisa said...

I don't know what to say....

I'm sorry.

Klin said...

I still can't believe I was first on your comments.

I'm going now.

Sketchy said...

It never occurred to me that I needed to give people the rules of my commenting on my blog. I guess I figured it was my own little private dictatorship. If I want to comment I'll comment and there's nothing you can do about it Mwahahaha!!!!

Oh sorry, the totalitarian in me is coming out. I'll try to suppress it.

Avee, Avee, gotta love a girl with that big a brain to come up with all that. She's going places I tell you...that is if she survives long enough...but if she does that, she's going places!

Plain Jame said...

Our daughters will run the world someday....

As for now, they'll just watch the "artistic" acting on doodlebops.

Lets not get started on doodlebops. I think I'm going to do an entire post on terrible kid shows. Ew.

But we were talking about our daughters, weren't we?
Thanks for giving yourself ground-rules. Its shows domestication. Unlike that husband of yours from the 3rd world country..

Howertons in Iowa said...

You didn't have to get me a present... But since you already wrapped it, Thanks!! You are a great Friend. Tell Avee I'll let her open it if she comes over and puts my 7 year old in a headlock. She probably could you know.
I wanna say you are FUNNY, but that's been said so I'll say it in Spanish.
You are Divertido!! Divertido I say!!

Howertons in Iowa said...

oh and whats the deal with first? No offense to anyone, but really I don't get it.
What if we tried a new game on who says the last comment. That could be a fun game, either your comments would be empty, or it would be never ending, like when you were younger growing up and fighting with a sibling and you had to have the last word in order to win.
Sounds fun.

Ooooh. I need caffeine.

Barnes Blog said...

You are hilarious. I swear you have cursed me, I think I am pregnant with Avee's twin, I'll bet she comes out saying "duh Mommy"
Because of this you are now my go-to mom, I will "go-to" you with all of my child problems.
Did I make the cut-off?

Cindy said...

Didn't you know that 'No,' means 'Yes.' And really a present...I am speechless!!

At least Avee was reassuring Danyo that he was going to be OK, as she had him in the headlock. He should have felt a little better.

She is hillarious. Is there any of you in her or is it all J?

InkMom said...

Let's make a note to keep Avee and G-Dog out of each other's presence until they have each found another mate. The results could truly be disastrous should they get together and use their combined powers for evil. Or for the creation of another generation of smart mouths.

Adolescent Family said...


Oh Avee, your such a HAM!!! I think she knows your posting about her and she is waiting in the shadows, preparing her next show! :)

But really, what did you expect? Red hair, a touch of sas, and oh, so charming when she wants to be! I can't even imagine what her parents must be like? :)

Adolescent Family said...


Howertons in Iowa said...

You know,I'm going to keep checking to see when cut off is. You should really be more specific. Why am I suddenly so needy with knowing. What have you created? I'm obsessed!

sad. so so sad.

Super L said...

I say last one before the cut off gets a prize. Pick me, pick me!!!!

You know, Nobody, I'm a little surpised you were worried about us knowing she said Duh. I mean, you already revealed that you weren't even willing to sit perfectly still all day so she could sit on your head--how much worse could your parenting get? Geez . . .


Tori :) said...

I swear Avee and Livie were seperated at birth. Although I don't remember you being there when I had Liv. Why did I have to do all the work?

omar said...

Why was the unrelated sidenote before the related sidenote? It could cause confusion the way it is now, because one might think the related sidenote is related to the unrelated sidenote preceding it, rather than the post itself.

You shouldn't have told me you were going to respond to comments, because now I'm turning the obnoxious up to TEN.

Beckie said...

And that's why I don't have girls.... like I had any say with it or anything.

ucmama said...

all the comments, huh? I don't know what to tell you about Avee. I was that kind of kid and I turned out OK. And Omar, you should turn it up to 11. See, it goes to 11. Most comment sections only go up to 10, but this comment section can go up to 11.

(I was trying to make a Spinal Tap reference, but I failed miserably. I had to explain the reference AND that I failed at it. That's how miserable it was... )

Charlotte said...

I have to let my littlest sit on my head. Otherwise I would always live in serious denial about the state of his diaper.

Those conversation you mentioned show the making a great politician. The presents: "I voted for that bill before I voted against it." The popsicle: "What, this $50000? Its not mine, even if you did find it in my freezer." The headlock: "No, really, paying more taxes is a good thing."

Klin said...

Wellllllllllllllllll if we are going for last..........I'll play.

You are going to have like a gazillion comments.

Check out that Omar. You stick up for him and he comes around complaining about the way you post your related/unrelated side notes.
I don't think anyone noticed until he complained and all. ;)

No Cool Story said...

Wait, you are going to answer comments?

Great, now how am I supposed to feel about my "NCS doesn't have time to answer her comments" policy?

No Cool Story said...

Welcome to the teenage years!

Oh wait...

No Cool Story said...

"What? This popsicle? It's not mine, it's yo's."
"Open that box Avee, yes you can!"

I can't decide which one is my favorite.
Hence I'll treasure them both.

No Cool Story said...

Uh, and you should ignore Omar. He's "medicated"

No Cool Story said...

And how come I am always way down here?
I am nevoh first anywhere anymo'!

Methodical wormer said...

I am loving all the Aveeness. So funny.

MommyJ said...

Holy smokes nobody... i think you might just have started responding without the related side note... your comment section is crazy! It appears I've made the cutoff, but if you don't want to respond to my comment, it's okay. I'll just harass you in chat. I love Avee. That's all I have to say about that.

Mrs Lemon said...

And I am going nuts not knowing what time you posted this - if you're going to have rules and all, will you please adjust your format to list the time you posted?

And what time zone are we talking?

And I am starting to sound like the asparagus in Veggie Tales "Song of the Cebu"

swampbaby said...

I love the way her mind works! She is freakishly genius. And I'm scared for you in about 10 years.

Big Jay said...

Aves gets her body type and face from me. As far as temperment and behavior goes, BO is my kid. I'm not sure where Avee gets her mojo.

NOBODY said...

Holy Guacamole. I should have posted my unrelated side note sooner! I had no idea....

Klin 1-4: You are FIRST, and look what you started! "Gem and challenge" nailed it on the head!

Lisa: Haha! I felt true sympathy coming from the mother of two girls. Thank you!

Sketchy:I'm with you on dictatorship for the most part---I just get uncomfortable with the potential of talking to myself---on the world wide web. Avee will survive because every time she's sassy or exasperating, her dad laughs and thinks its the cutest, funniest thing in the world. Not so much with me, when I'm sassy or exasperating, but whatever.

Plane Jame: Ha! Domestication. That's funny. I can't even endure Doodlebops for the kids. I really tried with #1, and #2 doesn't even know it exists. Blech.

H in I 1 and 2: I did get you a present. It was a can of whoop arse. But then I saw you already had some, and used it.
Being told you are funny is like being told you're pretty. It really can't be said too much. Divertido is just as good. If that does in fact mean funny...Good luck with changing the "first" game. :) Just wait until you are first somewhere. You'll see!

Barnes Girl: You can "go-to" me. And I'll probably point at whatever Avee is dressed in (or not) or engaged in (most like climbing or striking or sneaking) and that will remind you that you have chosen a very ineffective go to, and you'll smile politely, and I'll chortle awkwardly, and you'll move on. I'm just sayin'. You made the cut-off. YAY!

Cindy--Looks like J answered your question. Weren't you also wondering where she got her small waist and cute nose? :)

Inkmom-Maybe two smart mouths would make two sweet little obedient children. Heaven knows J and I were sweet and obedient...

Adolescent Fam---And what exactly are you implying? I think you are actually probably right---leave it to Avee to have ME manipulated so she gets star status on my blog. Just like her.

H in I: I like how you impose rules on me in my blog. I'll try to be more specific. For you.

Super L- My fellow crime in bad parenting. What with your "protecting" your children and whatnot. Let she who is a perfect parent cast the first comment...

Tori- I'm sorry you did all the work. I do remember calling J a bad word and proposing to the anesthesiologist, but it could have been a dream.

Omar-I'm already making up rules with throwing in random sidenotes, I hardly think I can be bound by rules of making sense now.

Beckie-HA! You've got your own little treasure of surprises with those boys.

UCMAMA--I've actually seen that part of S.T. You could have gotten away with it here! Were you really like Avee? This is giving me something to ponder man.

Charlotte: You are brilliant. I loved your examples. We just watched a pbs thing on Lee Atwater, and quite frankly, I would probably do anything to keep my kids out of that world.

Klin 2.0--I know! Thanks Omar, my parents died when I was 12, you want to talk about that? (Name that movie)

NCS: Badly. Very very badly.
NCS the rest: If you tell me this is good preparation for teenage years, i may find comfort in all of it. "Yes you can" remind me of Obama and Bob the Builder. We have fans of both of them in this house.

MW:Thanks, I get a kick of her.

MommyJ: I had no idea what my sidenote would do. I went to bed last night laughing. actually, it was the morning. Oh wait, I'll ramble in an IM, not in my comment section...

Mrs. Lemon--Are you a tart citrus fruit or an armless spear vegetable. Make up your mind! I will change the time format on my blog. thank you for bossing me around in my own blog. And for making me laugh.

Swampbaby: I wish on you a darling little girl who's "mind works" similarly. :)

Big Jay: What are you doing up so early? And why aren't you answering your phone? Did you take out the trash...Just kidding.

Tori :) said...

WEDDING SINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S said...

"Maybe two smart mouths would make two sweet little obedient children. Heaven knows J and I were sweet and obedient..." I do not know how to type a fake cough with a word in it, but if I did I would use that skill now!

Sister Pottymouth said...

That was awesome. You absolutely made my whole morning.

My oldest is still that way and he's 12. So no, that kind of behavior is not restricted to little girls.

No Cool Story said...

*fake cough*

No Cool Story said...

cough cough = FAKE

Suzanne said...

It sounds like Avee is trying to use a Jedi trick. Oh wait...then what side would that make YOU on??? ;D

Suzanne said...

Oh poo, I missed the window of response. Next time, I promise I'll make it on time, Nobody! :)

Suzanne said...

Duh, I just remembered that you've never seen Star Wars so you won't even get my joke!

aubrey said...

oh my gosh! everytime i read a dialogue between you and your kids, i can't help but laugh. and wish that i could be a fly on the wall listening. someday i want to meet this little kids of yours. awesome. it's not my popsicle, it's yo's. avee is a genius.