Wednesday, September 10, 2008

200th Post. Things About Things About Me--ish

Okay. I did it. I've had like 52 post ideas come up before I could complete this, but I was determined to do a 200th post thing.

I knew I couldn't come up with 200 things about me. I love myself, and even I would die of boredom. You'd think after that statement, I would have spared you. But I have not.
I pushed it to 140. Made J write 20, and then I wrote 10 things about the rest of the family.
That equals 200.

It reminds me of how I did Algebra in high school. I was determined to do it and finish it, but I did not take the quickest or most efficient route to do so. It was also often very wrong.

At least I'm consistent.

If you want, you can keep score of the 140 things I wrote and note how many of those things you already knew. I might build you a cake or something if you are the one who knows the most.

20 Things about Nobody, By J:
1. If Nobody gets her way, and we get rich/I stop being cheap, we'll go to one Broadway musical each month, and a cruise twice a year.
2. She is a travel agent for all her friends and family including my parents
3. She is a living, breathing database for phone numbers and birthdays. To all my friends - if you ever hear from me on or around your birthday, it's because of Nobody
4. Country music is the default radio station in her car.
5. Her mom was once offered 5000 camels for her when they were in Egypt.
6. When playing Settlers of Catan, she will always squander her resources on a usually futile quest to get the longest road.
7. She introduced me to the awesome world of Vietnamese pho and sushi.
8. She does a pretty good job of not putting me through the whole 'I'm a woman, you need to read my mind' torture.
9. She does not sing in the shower.
10. She has not watched the original Star Wars Trilogy (New Hope, Empire, Jedi) and thus totally misses out on all cultural references to the movies. ---- By the way I think everyone should gang up on her and pressure her to watch the original Star Wars. Omar. NCS. Talking to you here. I've done all I can. Do it for the children. FOR THE CHILDREN.
11. She doesn't like the Twilight series as much as you do.
12. Take a moment in your mind and pinpoint exactly how much you enjoy watching smutty reality tv. She likes it more.
13. If you're less than 3 feet tall, have speech impediments, strawberry blonde hair, and you creep into her bed in the middle of the night, she is a total pushover and will let you stay.
14. The smell of sweet pea, cucumber melon, juniper berry, or vanilla fluffy fluff will put her into a trance and she will give you all the money in her wallet.
15. Whatever you may be thinking, do not buy her a Barry White CD for her birthday.
16. She has a great ability to pick out cool gifts for people. One year for my birthday she got me the book Ice By Ice from which I still quote to this day.
17. Will dethroned Harrison as 'Hottest' when Harrison dumped his wife and started wearing an earring. Matthew Mconaughey is hot, but Nobody needs brains and hotness.
18. People warm to her faster than they warm to me.
19. She has no care or need for scented candles when there is not a 500 pound smelly man living in the apartment below us. So don't buy her a 5 pound candle for Christmas.
20. One of her talents is putting other people at ease. I think this is because she's confident enough with herself that she can easily let other people be who they are.

By Nobody:
1. If I get the giggles at the wrong time, I cannot regain control. Simply, canNOT.
2. I do not like roller coasters.
3. I don't like most amusement park rides.
4. Tilt-a-whirl does me in.
5. I can't dance.
6. At all.
7. I truly love my life.
8. There are things I could do without, but they pale in comparison to the things I have, but couldn't live without.
9. I moved to St. Louis when I was 25, didn't know anyone, didn't have a job, and lived alone for a year.
10. I loved it.
11. A couple of weeks before I turned 21 I biked 400 miles down the pacific coast with 3 friends.
12. I have never been fired.
13. I was a bad breaker-upper.
14. I have always liked my name.
15. When I was born my parents named me Suzanne.
16. My mom changed it to Nobody when I was a few weeks old. Maybe months. Honestly, I can't remember. :)
17. I used to hallucinate when I was sick.I often had the same hallucination of large "people" with tiny limbs that weren't strong enough to support their bodies. I'd always get in a panic wanting to help them not break and stuff.
18. I am afraid of spiders, snakes, rodents, and fish. I don't ever want to touch any of them or any of them to ever touch me. Ever.
19. I don't hold grudges.
20. However, if you are a pig, I will stop associating with you, without holding a grudge.
21. I was voted Most Congenial in 6th grade.
22. I also won "best girl athlete" but my teacher asked me if I'd be willing to let someone else have that award so other people could win stuff.
23. Of course I agreed, that's why I was Most Congenial.
24. I didn't know what that word meant when I won the award.
25. I had recently learned the word "congenital" so you can imagine my confusion at why this was an award.
26. I got a mood necklace from J on my 31st birthday. He bought it in the airport, moments before he came outside and got in the car where I was waiting.
27. I wish I could sing well.
28. It is very hard to personally offend me.
29. That is different from me finding someone/something offensive.
30. I saw Reba in Annie Get Your Gun on Broadway in New York. I LOVED it.
31. I played the cello from 11 years old until I was about 16.
32. I stopped because I hated the first chair in my orchestra class.
33. Dumb dumb dumb.
34. I've never tried caviar but I really want to try it.
35. I was Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz when I was 11 years old.
36. I got the part because my fake cry was the most convincing.
37. I was terribly embarrassed when Glinda the Good Witch had to kiss me on my forehead.
38. I've always wanted to go in a hot air balloon, but never have.
39. I'm also mildly afraid of heights, so its probably better that I don't.
40. I went to Egypt and Israel when I was 17.
41. I have never been in a haunted house.
42. I have no desire to ever go in one.
43. I can juggle.
44. I am not a good boss.
45. I have only been called to jury duty once.
46. I was the foreperson on said jury.
47. It was a lame and unexciting case about a H0me Dep0t ladder injury.
48. I used to write a lot of poetry when I was younger. Something about teen angst made me poetic.
49. Some of it was pretty good.
50. I have a very good memory for dates and names.
51. I have never been to Arizona.
52. I have never been in a limousine.
53. I have never donated blood. Everytime I've gone to there has been some random thing preventing me.
54. I do not like camping.
55. I have never had an allergic reaction to anything.
56. Although, I did OD on vitamin C when I was about 7. My mom's fault. She didn't keep white sugar in the house. I was desperate for a fix.
57. I made a pair of pants when I was 14. Then wore them to school. I dreamt the entire night before I wore them that a seam unraveled and they fell off me at school.
58. I remember very little about my childhood.
59. I volunteered at a soup kitchen in Berkeley.
60. I cannot say things I don't mean.
61. I cannot tolerate insincerity.
62. If I think someone is insincere, I can't get away from him or her fast enough.
63. There are few things I love more than being made to laugh really hard.
64. And a good massage.
65. When I was in 8th grade I was one of four 8th graders that got to welcome Michael Dukakis to our town for his rally.
66. I have to deliberately avoid the cleaning supplies aisle at the store because I want to buy everything.
67. I have never broken a bone.
68. I don't collect anything, even though I think it would be cool to.
69. When I was in Oregon last month I decided I would start collecting magnets for places I've been.
70. I have one crab magnet from Cannon Beach Oregon.
71. A few weeks later I went to a touristy place in Iowa and was not willing to shell out the $3.78 for a pig magnet that said "Iowa".
72. Thus effectively ending my venture to collect magnets.
73. I have way more patience for my third child than I did for my first when he was this age.
74. I don't feel guilty about that.
75. I believe in doing the best you can and doing better when you know better.
76. My children make me laugh at least once a day.
77. I mean really laugh, not just "ah, haha! that's cute!"
78. Yestoday Avee yelled, "Rocket on DUDE!" after winning a boxing match on the Wii.
79. It totally made me laugh.
80. I don't correct my children when they say something improperly.
81. I think it ought to be a crime to do so.
82. That is why my 5 year old calls fruit cocktail "fruit cock"
83. I did not start public schools until I was in 2nd grade.
84. I was waaaaay smarter than the average 7 year old when I started.
85. But with school procedures, I was totally retarded.
86. Negative people annoy me.
87. Your mom goes to college
88. Whenever my kids are misbehaving or act like deaf mutes on crack, I am convinced I'm doing something wrong.
89. I may or may not be right about that.
90. Being corrected does not bother me.
91. If the person doing the correcting isn't being a know-it-all jerk.
92. Some days I wish my children would stop growing.
93. If I could choose any woman in the world to be my mom, I'd choose my mom a thousand times over.
94. I do not get jealous.
95. Sometimes I'll say "oooh, I'm jealous"
96. But really that means, "If I felt jealousy, I bet I would be jealous now."
97. I think the nickname "Red" for redheads is the stupidest most unclever nickname in the world.
98. Well, "Tiny" for big men might be more stupid.
99. I do not like to be scared. At. All.
100. I used to fake coughing fits in junior high to get out of class.
101. I love to read.
102. I think my husband is one of the kindest men I know.
103. If I was a guy, I'd totally have a crush on Meryl Streep and Supernanny Jo.
104. I have a tendency to make fun of other people's stupidity.
105. It isn't nice, but I kind of can't help it.
106. I have been blogging since March of 2006 and I have never gotten a rude comment. This surprises me sometimes.
107. I think anonymous trolls must know how big I am.
108. I have never smoked a cigarette.
109. However. When I am pregnant, I crave cigarettes.
110. I do not know.
111. I do not enjoy the newborn stage. At. all.
112. I tried to change Danyo's name every day for the first 9 months of his life.
113. Jay would not let me.
114. Meany.
115. When I am sick or in pain, I want attention.
116. When I am sad or angry, I don't.
117. I love plums.
118. I don't care for any kind of dessert unless it's chocolate.
119. In day to day life I am not competitive, but when I play sports I get possessed and become crazy competitive.
120. It's unfortunate because I'm not very good at most sports.
121. I have never thought I am better than some one else.
122. Except maybe Oprah.
123. Because I am.
124. I have very little will power.
125. I used to tell people I was dating Steve Young.
126. I always thought people knew I was joking, but one day a group of people believed me.
127. And I felt awful so I quit telling that particular lie.
128. I love rain.
129. I have six brothers.
130. I hate bananas.
131. I am perfectly aware that my children are not the smartest, cutest, most amazing children ever created, but I do like to pretend like I don't know that.
132. I am not necessarily hyper-patriotic or anything but I get emotional anytime the military or War Veterans are honored.
133. I can't imagine being willing to sacrifice myself for a cause or for other people like that.
134. I like the idea of parades, but I have been to so few that are actually enjoyable.
134. The 4th of July one here would probably top the list of most disappointing.
135. I have never been on TV
136. I have been on the radio several times.
137. Don't read too much into that.
138. I was born in Oklahoma
139. In real life, I don't cry very easily.
140. Just when I watch things on tv like, people being reunited, or kicking a drug addiction, or getting voted off.

10 Things about Jay:
1. Sometimes when he's really trying to be funny, it's a total flop. Other times when he doesn't think he's that funny or when he's not even trying, he can be hilarious.
2. He makes me feel smart and likable.
3. He's one of the smartest people I know.
4. He doesn't act like a smartypants but he is, and I love that about him.
5. He likes my friends.
6. He thinks his friends are the greatest friends in the entire universe ever. I find that completely endearing.
7. If something or someone makes him laugh, he will laugh about it for days. Probably even weeks. Everytime like it's the first time he's laughed.
8. He is a good provider.
9. The one thing that deterred me from being interested in him the first time we met, is one of the things I love most about him now. He's very confident.
10. He's a great cook.

10 Things About Bo:
1. He is almost compulsively obedient. Sometimes I think "now is the time to rebel boy!" and he just can't.
2. He has a sharp sense of humor.
3. He does and says wildly inappropriate things without the slightest inkling that they are inappropriate.
4. He has an incredible memory.
5. It is very hard for him to be around people and not touch someone.
6. He will laugh hysterically at J quoting Family Guy.
7. He's a borderline pessimist.
8. He is my heart.
9. He is very Smith, in that he thinks he's funny when he's not. And persists in being unfunny even with plentiful evidence that he is not funny.
10. He loves deviled eggs, which he calls "doubled eggs".

10 Things About Avee:
1. She has enchanted us since the day she was born and she is entirely sweet and tender-hearted.
2. This gets overlooked when her stubborn and sassy seem so much more glaringly present.
3. There is nothing she loves more in life than being chased.
4. She notices everything.
5. She has never liked my singing, since she was born.
6. She was born self-assured.
7. She loves pink and purple, so she says, but has always gravitated toward the color yellow, even before she could talk.
8. She loves her Uncle David in a way that defies time and distance.
9. She is brilliant at outwitting me.
10. Her smile melts my heart.

10 Things About Danyo:
1. He can't talk but he tells jokes. And laughs at them.
2. He is very set on things being a certain way (doors closed, chairs in particular places, etc)
3. He smiles about 85% of the day.
4. If he's not smiling, he's screaming, and I'm losing my mind.
5. There is a sweetness about him that words cannot describe.
6. He loves riding in the car.
7. He is the biggest ball of sweet snuggle bum foofyface loviecakes I have ever seen.
8. He imitates things very well, and is always quite proud when he does.
9. He loves music.
10. He likes to be held by people he doesn't know.


Heffalump said...

Wow...I would love to write a huge comment, commenting on everything you wrote, but I think that would freak you out...
Caviar tastes like fish and vinegar...don't do it! (Of course the caviar I had in high school french club was take that with a grain of salt.)
I totally should have hung out with you more when you were here.
I think you should collect magnets that other people send you from where they live...then you wouldn't have to spend any money on them at all!

Klin said...

Hmmm. Heffalump and I think a like. I was thinking we should all send you magnets so you wouldn't have to pay 4 freakin' bucks for 'em.

I loved this. Makes me want to come see you in Iowa for like a week. You don't need to entertain me. I'll just watch your kids. I love to watch kids. They are so funny and amazing.

Analiese said...

"125. I used to tell people I was dating Steve Young.
126. I always thought people knew I was joking, but one day a group of people believed me."

I believe we did speak of our "dating" Steve Young at the MTC. Not sure about you but I tried to slip that in at every tour possible - he he he. If only Steve took a tour that I gave, we maybe married now.....
Maybe that is why the people you assumed thought you were joking actually believed you cause they hadn't been on my tour yet!
Ahhh, those were the days.

Yvonne said...

I loved J's #17--totally felt the exact same way ; )

I thought we were kindred spirits--then I got to 28.

Of course you were voted Miss Congenial in grade 6--I think you would still be voted that today!!!

Loved all the lists.

Happy 200th Post; )

Big Jay said...

My personal favorite - #87. I also liked the fact that we both talked about your ability to remember names and dates.

Child Family said...

Um, what about your complete dislike for Peanut butter?

Oh, and Steve Young is Keven's Cousin. I swear. His grandma and Steve's grandma are sisters.

You are the bombdigity! Happy 200th!

Cindy said...

Love it!! I learned so much about you and your family..#20 by J is so true, that was one of my favorites, and I guess I will be taking back that smelly candle I bought JUST FOR you!!!

Beckie said...

So sweet, what a great post! Although I will NEVER fource youto watch Star Wars. I have never watched one all the way through, and I don't get why people are so crazy over it. Maybe that's why my 12 grade boyfriend dumped me.....huge S.W. geek. I didn;t get his enthusiasm for it.

I am very happy that I knew most of those things about you!!! Happy 200th post!

EarthBint said...

SNAP Big Jay, my favourite is 87, too. I laughed 32 times while reading this. Happy 200th post :)

No Cool Story said...

I have read a lot of these "100-200 things" but this is the very first one I have read twice. I believ that calls for you to build me a cake or something.

J did a wonderful job and you did a great job yourself :D


MommyJ said...

I feel like my life is so much more complete now that I know all of that stuff about you. So there wasn't a whole bunch that I already knew, but there was a bunch that made me say, "Oh, yep. That's totally nobody."

SO I knew it, even though I didn't really know it, because I know you.

Isn't THAT cake worthy?

Sketchy said...

I've gotten to 49...I will come back to finish...I'm nothing if not determined.

Oh I used to and occasionally still do write poetry. Although I suspect my teenage angsty poems were not good. I don't think I have any anymore though so I can't be sure. We could all just pretend they were good. Yes yes, let's shall...

Emily said...

Nobody - you are WAY TOO COOL to be my friend.
Loved this. Loved this.
24, 32, 88. . .ha ha ha ha ha

Clint & Becca said...

#88 "...deaf mutes on crack..." Funniest thing I have heard in ages!!! I laughed so hard I had tears streaming down my face!!!

No Cool Story said...

SO I was making my bed this very morning and all of the sudden it hit me:

What does she mean she has never watched Star Wars???? What the hey?
No dude! NO.

Suzanne said...

Wow, I learned so many new things about Nobody today! Happy 200 posts!

"20. One of her talents is putting other people at ease. I think this is because she's confident enough with herself that she can easily let other people be who they are." I think this is one of the main things that drew me to your blog. It's so true!

Thanks for sharing all this fun stuff with us. It was fun reading about your family too!

Tori :) said...

Holy heck this was long. I only read 1/2 of it, but will return to read more. I, too, have never broken a bone and I was a bad breaker-upper.

As for Star Wars- Hans Solo was hot and Chewie is awesome. And just for useless trivia- Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) broke his nose in a really bad motorcycle wreck. They had to rebuild it with cartilage from his ear. Just so ya know.

Rebecca said...

109. However. When I am pregnant, I crave cigarettes.
LOL.. you are too funny.. when I got sick once I hallucinated about big people with little arms.. that weird!

You are to funny.. so is J.. you must watch Star for the kids..

Tori :) said...

Danyo loved me. He was so little when I saw him, but I really think he was flirting. Just so ya know...

What the nickname Red about? ;)

Sketchy said...

I'm finished to 140 now. I have to get back to work now.

I'm almost done!

I have a crab magnet from the Oregon coast! Only I have lots of other place magnets. Maybe you could borrow a photo of my fridge sometime and it will make you feel better about your lack.

Steve Young would have been lucky to date you. I bet he told people who asked, I'm dating Nobody.

dean and chelle said...

#'s 82, 100, and 109. Priceless.

Suzanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suzanne said...

Tori, Han is mine! You can have Indy! ;D

Nobody, you MUST watch the Star Wars movies. They are classic and I love them!

Tori :) said...

Suzanne- DEAL! (And why did I write Hans? What is he? German??)

megachick said...

i didn't learn anything that made me not want to meet you, and several things that made me want to be more like you.

No Cool Story said...

I wonder who Nobody will like best: Luke or Han.

I want to know more about Egypt and Israel.

Suzanne said...

O.k. Tori, it's a deal. You can have Indy and Hans Solo...whoever he is! ;D I'll take Han. Woot woot!

Nobody, Han was my major crush when I was like 8-12. :)

Kim said...

Amen to J's #11.

Robert and Natalie said...

200 th post just makes me miss you!!! Really PRADA??? okay I did laugh only cause I know you still love me and are not trying to slam me and have got to know that 3 kids has humbled me since I am sure I only have a handful of outfits that don't have spit up or something like it on them and I only have them because Shannon got too skinny to fit into them and passed them on to me!

Sketchy said...

I'm done! And I will come and hold Danyo anytime...even when he's screaming.

Provide of course I get to be there too when he tells a joke and laughs at them.

My oldest has trouble with the rebelling thing too, I worry about that.

Carrot Jello said...

One thing about Carrot:
Carrot loves Nobody and wishes Nobody could be her neighbor.

Wait. That's two.

Millie said...

Nobody makes awesome cookies that everyone will snarf down quickly and will tell you honestly if she thinks you're boring.

Millie said...

P.S. Thanks for your comment yesterday!

Award for you back at my place! :)

omar said...

Wow. How embarrassed am I that it took me a week to get here to wish you a happy 200th post? I'll tell you how embarrassed. ONE TENTH as embarrassed as you should be for never having watched the original Star Wars!!! You're talking to me about Napoleon Dynamite when you've never seen Star Wars?!

Anyway, happy 200th. I will now continue reading the list.

omar said...

Some additional comments:

"I was voted Most Congenial in 6th grade." - Do 6th graders even know the word "congenial"? I'm not saying that's why you won, but it could have been a factor. (wrote this prior to reading the next few items on the list.)

"5. Her mom was once offered 5000 camels for her when they were in Egypt." - She turned that down?!

"10. She has not watched the original Star Wars Trilogy" - You thought I was going to let that go, didn't you? Well I can't. It saddens me, Nobo. You have made me sad. I hope you're happy.

"60. I cannot say things I don't mean."
"125. I used to tell people I was dating Steve Young."

Hey wait a minute...

Physcokity said...

#35= me too!

Physcokity said...

#51 makes me sad... a little ;(

#68 lucky you. You don't have extra knick knacks laying around collecting dust...just pokemon cards ;)

#78 & 81 accomplish #76 & 77

#88 best line of the post..."deaf mutes on crack"

#104 ummm yes

#123 AMEN!

Physcokity said...

1. He is almost compulsively obedient. Sometimes I think "now is the time to rebel boy!" and he just can't.

Makes my day

10. He likes to be held by people he doesn't know.

Good and bad.