Monday, April 14, 2008


This might be TMI but I'll keep it as kosher as the subject allows. It still makes me laugh, so if it makes me laugh, I'm forced to post about it.

J and I started a new "eating plan" today. This was after a weekend of crazy indulgence in Mexican food and Mexican-like food. Just for simplicity's sake, if it has beans and onions and tomatos, it's Mexican-like.

Then today, we started our new, high fiber lifestyle.

After an hour of bootcamp, 34 oz of water in that hour, and a lovely snack of a crisp apple---I dropped Avee off at her friend's house, ran for a quick visit to a friend who's due with twins any day, and then headed off to get Bo from preschool and a quick trip to the grocery store.

10 minutes into the quick trip to the grocery store, the fiber bar and plum, 34 ozs of water, 1 hour of exercise, and large crisp apple all came a'knockin'.

Knock, knock they say.

I'm used to knock knocks. We are inundated with ridiculous knock knock jokes mealtime after mealtime after mealtime. I did what I do to most knock knocks, I ignore it.

KNOCK KNOCK, a little "louder".

Not now, I say. I'm right in the middle of getting some chicken thighs.

Suddenly, in the middle of deciding if I wanted chunk feta or crumbled feta, it was not a discussion, it was an emergency. I made my way to the restroom that is through the stock room. It's a small restroom with 2 stalls and a lock on the outer door. I push the entire cart in because Danyo is strapped in the front and Bo has to use the bathroom too. It's just easier than having to hold a squirmy kid in a bathroom.

Weeeeeeellllllll, this is where I stop giving TMI and tell you what makes me laugh.

Seconds after I get inside, someone knocks on the door. Well, it's locked. I'm pretty sure locked door is universal for "ain't gonna open til I'm done wid my bi'ness." Am I right?

So I figure, the person was just checking.

No. She was not. She was just beginning.

She knocks again, and Bo yells, "Come in!" Well, Bo is almost 5, but the boy sounds like he's 2 on the phone or through closed doors. He just has a young sounding voice. So, a person of average intelligence might be able to assess that an invitation from a "two-year-old" isn't really all that valid. I called out more loudly, "Just a minute please!" I had made Bo wait to use the bathroom so that one of us could keep an eye on Danyo.

Quickly, I begin helping Bo because when I help, we avoid the full on, practical licking of the stall doors that seems to happen when I leave my children to their own devices in dirty, germy, places.

She bangs on the door.

I call out, "almost done!"

I have been in the bathroom a total of maybe 90 seconds.

Bo's quick. Thinking there might be an emergency, I open the door as we are washing our hands. There's really no room for another person to fit in, but since she's already knocked 3-4 times, despite my pleasant, through-the-door communication, I figured she would do what she had to do.

I open the door with one hand, dry my hands on my pants and quickly grab the cart to maneuver it out the door.

She glares at me.

I smiled sort of apologetically.

She snarls.

As I'm pushing the cart and pulling on Bo, she growls, "ExCUSE you!"

It totally made me laugh.

I'm thinking that today, just a leeeeeeetle more than her bowel was irritable.


S said...

OK I will never say please again.

S said...

Don't cha just want to come out and say "I wouldn't go in there" Name that movie! Well I will call you about my experience in the matter. I do have some dignity left:)

seven said...

That's so funny! How rude.

Michelle Garff said...

You shouldn't have flushed. Maybe you didn't :)

Suzanne said...

Wow, what a rude lady. You have a better sense of humor than I do.

I'm glad that you knew right where the bathroom was! :)

omar said...

Sheesh. How old would you say this lady was?

You should have waited like 30 seconds, then started banging on the door while she was in there. Unless you're trying to set a good example for your kids, I guess.

MommyJ said...

i'm totally impressed that you are laughing about it...

way to see the funny side, and not the mean, I'm going to roll my shopping cart over your toes, side of things.

glittersmama said...

I think I would have hung out in there another 10 minutes, 15 maybe.

Rebecca said...

I must say she didn't say the magic you dealt with it much nicer than I would have.. I think I would have waited or washed slowly.. the nerve of some people.. I have other comments but I will not go there!!

Cindy said...

That has happend to me before, and I said, "I am not just hanging out in a bathroom stall for my health. Hold on a sec."

Tori :) said...

Please tell me you knocked her out.
I'm with Omar- you should've started knocking! LOL!

No Cool Story said...

Next time you encounter this lady
1) Yes, take 15 more minutes
2) teach Bo to tell her "just one more minute!" everytime whe knocks.
3) Double yes, knock while she's in there.
4) Slip a note under the door that says "ExCUSE you!"
5) And the PS said note with "FYI I have a blog"

Oh Nobody, the possibilities!

No Cool Story said...

Every single post you write I think "This one is my newest favoritest post" just to have the next one be my newestest favoritestest.


No Cool Story said...

Oh, and gracias for liking my People's food so much.

Sarah Tilley said...

ma'am, are you still alive?
ma'am, there's a half hour time limit.
uhh! aye caramba!

Sarah said...

You could have said "if you would have said the magic words I would have opened the door sooner"


Beckie said...

I have never heard of someone so rude.Apperently she learned NOTHING from kindergatern. If she ahd to go that bad, she should have gone to the mens. I've done it. What about it? I can't believe that you didn't give her a piece of your mind.

The Child Family said...

Kudos on being nice! :) I can't say that I would have been. I would have made Bo tell her a knock knock joke before closing the door. Then I would have knocked and knocked. Then RUN! HA! This is too much fun!

I seen some real circus freaks today on my trip to the store. No surprise though, really.

Liz said...

OMAR is cracking me up

EarthBint said...

Why I oughta... I totally would have been rude back :-) When you say it made you laugh, did you laugh at her? I like all of the suggestions, but I guess blogging about it was the best desicion.

Kikibug said...

HAHAHAHA! That is so funny, I am always AMAZED at how rude people are. An old lady YELLED "BE QUIET" in Carma's face 2 weeks ago and I about took her OUT. But I calmed down, thought about it and figured she is 150 years old and probably REALLY uncomfortable and obviously had the hearing aid up WAY too loud. I then told Carma that I didn't care how LOUD she was but not to touch anything and the lady quickly exited the store.

Congrats on the colon blow.. those are super fun.

Barnecked Lady said...


Traci said...

Fiber'll do that to a person. :)

One of your best talents is being able to laugh at the absurd and obnoxious and not let it ruin your day. When I grow up, I want to be like you.

RING LEADER #2 said...

Ok...I will never see chicken thighs the same way again! Like I asked in the other post, do you take your show on the road?