Thursday, April 17, 2008

She's Random Again

My 72 year old mother asked me today, "Have you seen the Youtube on So-and-so? Go Youtube his name, you'll see..."
I can honestly say, I NEVER thought I would live long enough to hear my mom use the word Youtube as a verb.

"I'm clear. Right? I'm declared clear as an _____ing bell." Actor Jas0n Be&he after leaving Scientology.
About 1 out of every 5 times Bo uses the bathroom he hollers out, or leaves singing, "I'm clear, I'm clear, I just peed clear!" He hasn't ever been declared clear as an _______ bell though. Maybe someday.

After having Avery come inside for her nap, the neighbor girl immediately knocked on the door to have her come back out. Exercising some serious self-restraint I kindly told Obnoxious Girl that Avee would be staying inside and not to ring the doorbell again the rest of the day. Or else. Avee came barreling toward the door (she had come inside without incident) yelling, "Wait! I hapta tell ho something! Wait!" So I held the door open, Avee steps outside and says,

"I broke this leg here and I broke this hand and I was like, WHAT!? And I jumped out of that tree and I was screaming and I lapfed and I threw my blanket like that and my leg was broken, it was."

It's like her own version of two truths and a lie. Only it's "one truth and some complete crazy talk".

Yesterday I heard Ben say while eating his lunch, to no one in particular, "Oh eight is going to be so great. I can't wait to be eight. I'm going to get baptized, get the Holy Ghost, AND a pogo stick."

He also told me, "If Caleb and I evoh get in an argue, I just say, 'Fine then, I'm not playing anymoh' and then he lets me do what I want to do." Before launching in to my typical lecture about what makes good friends and likable people, I thought to ask, "Does Caleb do the same thing to you?"

"Uh, yeah, I lowned it from him."

Well then, I think they have a great working relationship. The funny thing is, they are both really sharp kids (read: my son's a genius) and you would think neither of them would fall for the other's manipulations. But alas, they are best friends for a reason.

When I was in college a friend came over to my apartment one afternoon and said, "I need you to come with me down to the radio station right now." I was home during the day for two reasons. 1-I was a very lazy college student who preferred my bed to any ol' boring lecture hall and 2-I was kind of sick that day. I had a pretty beastly cold.

We went to the radio station. We walk inside. I'm thinking, this is pretty cool, I've never been inside a radio station before.

Suddenly she's shoving a script in my face and says, "Read girl #2!"

I was sick. I was unprepared. I was lame.

The dude recording us kept telling me to breathe through my nose when I spoke. I told him I was sick, I couldn't. Then he gave my friend a weird look. I was like, "Uhzackly." Who brings a sick chick to record a radio commercial?

What I learned: In order to not sound like a drugged up, deadbeat, unenthusiastic, meth-head, dork on the radio, one must speak VERY animatedly.

What my friend learned: In order to have a successful radio commercial, do not grab your drugged up, deadbeat, unenthusiastic, robitussin-head, dork friend at the last minute to do radio commercials.

Everytime I hear a radio commercial for the local carpet store or for Bob's Uncertified Used Cars, I'm reminded how THEY can do it. But I couldn't.

Actually, the commercial turned out great, I sounded fine, although not like myself. And I completely forgot about it until the other day when I heard a really bad radio commercial.

And this concludes this edition of RDAR.


MommyJ said...

the Holy Ghost and a pogo stick?! Now, that's a great deal. It makes me think of a friend of mine who's little girl said to her the other day...(she's 5... the little girl, not the mom)

"Mom, I really believe in Santa Claus and in Jesus and Heavenly Father, but I'm just not too sure about the tooth fairy."

I love it when kids so casually combine things of the gospel with things that are not so spiritual... like santa claus and pogo sticks!

S said...

I heart Rock of love.

Tori :) said...

I heart ROL?? What? I can't wait for the reunion show...

Anyhoo... I loved this post. I love your randomness. I love how I can totally hear your kids saying words the way you spell them.

I love Nobody!

No Cool Story said...

HEY! Where's MY pogo stick!?

" truth and some complete crazy talk" OOH! I love that game! My sweet MIL plays it with us all the time!!

No Cool Story said...

How do you pronunce that? Like Radar?

Hey! "I lowned it from him."

This RDA totally delivers!

Barnes Blog said...

What's up dude!

NCS is the name of me said...

More RDAs!!

glittersmama said...

Who is that Jason dude that pees clear? I'm so confused. Maybe because it's 2am.

NOBODY said...

Glittersmama---One of the "stages" or whatever they call it, of scientology is "going clear". It's like a higher state of being/awareness/wholeness. I think they might even claim special powers as they achieve different levels. So, we joke around here about "going clear" all the time. This Jason dude is an actor who just left scientology. It's like a serious no-no to leave and a HUGE no-no to ever talk smack about scientology. There might be some horse's heads in his future. Oh wait, that's the mob. Nevermind.

Barnecked Lady said...


Suzanne said...

You've been in a commercial so that makes you famous, right! Avee better be careful when she says "ho" or that could lead to some esplaining until she can get those r's down. :)

Traci said...

one truth and some complete crazy talk...i've GOT to try that sometime. hilarious!

and the dreams of a pogo stick...definitely right up there with the holy ghost. (i hope there aren't horseheads in my future for such irreverence...;))

and i wanna know where your mom youtubes. and what shade of lipstick she'd recommend for me. seriously. i cannot find a good one (too brown, too purple, too pink) and i am in need.

oh and nobody does random like Nobody. i heart these posts.

No Cool Story said...

How come I never knew you were in a commercial?
I think this calls for an award.