Going Out In Public Gives Me Blog Fodder

Question.

Ha! Just kidding. It totally drives me batty when people start their questions by stating, "Question." As if I were too completely dense to ascertain what a question sounds like. Unless you are Monotone Man, I really don't need the heads up, thank you very much.

I've made some references in the past about the daycare where I go to work out. Usually when I take Avee and Danyo in the mornings while Bo is at preschool, it is without incident. Both of them are happy to do their own thing, they are pretty well-behaved, and the morning staff is a pretty mellow crowd.

Recently they've gotten a lot of new toys, handpicked by the childcare director. She doesn't really like the kids to play with these new toys. Because toys that get played with get broken. Bo quickly picked up on the oppressiveness of the daycare with all the new toys and he doesn't like going there on the rare occasions I take him.

It hasn't been a problem because bootcamp is right when he's at preschool. But I am trying to hurry up and undo to my body in 4 months what I've been doing to it for the last 5 years. (three children and innumerable pints of Phish Food) At best, it's an ugly, ugly situation. :) So, I went this morning and since Bo doesn't have preschool, he had to go with me.

I worked out. Gluts, lats, delts, and hams. All sufficiently worked over.

When I went to get the kids, I am greeted with some head shaking and some very important low-talking about what a "pistol" Bo is. I started to nod and agree, thinking that they were talking about Avee (because it's cute when girls are sassy) and was completely shocked when they said it was Bo. And they weren't happy about it.

Apparently they asked him a question, they didn't hear his answer a couple of times, asked again and he said "very disrespectfully", "I said I don't like it" or whatever it was he had to repeat. I guess this happened a couple of times. Then he got tired of the conversation, stuck his fist up in the air, made some declaration and then started pounding the table. I guess a few other kids sitting at the table joined in on the pounding.

May I remind the court, he is four. He's also a boy. While sticking your fist up in the air and saying something you think is funny (but isn't) and then pounding the table like a caveman is obnoxious and probably even annoying, it is not grounds for a convention on child behavior problems. I could also understand this being a problem if there were like 25 kids in there (to the 4 teachers). But there were 8 kids.

I'm completely biasing the jury. I'm sorry. It's my blog. I can't help it.

Tangent: When I was in college I remember learning about the different parenting styles. I remember reading about Authoritarian and Permissive and seeing the flaws in both, but thinking I might err on the side of Authoritarian. It's overly strict, demanding, high expectations, "you do what I say and ask no questions ever" kind of parenting. I thought I should be aware and try not to be that way. However, since becoming a parent, I've changed. And I worry that I err too much on the side of Permissive. This is almost constantly in the back of my mind. I do worry that I can't be objective when I need to be. If only they didn't have my red hair, or J's mannerisms---I could be a little more firm!

So, when I got an earful about how awful my kid is, I left the Y doing some serious self-evaluating. Nothing they told me, made me think my child needed a firm talking to.

Was I wrong?

I do believe quite strongly in children being respectful. I would definitely talk to Bo about being respectful. I talk to him almost every day about being respectful. Not because I think he's disrespectful but because I think it's very important to be respectful and polite. Is having to repeat yourself and getting annoyed with it--being disrespectful, or is it just being human? Of course he shouldn't pound on tables, but when did being a 4 year old boy become such a crime? There are so many unsafe, undesirable behaviors kids can have, I have sort of taken a "choose your battles" approach so that I'm not constantly harping on my kids. Believe me. Right now, Bo is rolling on the floor with his fingers in his nose and Avee has scaled a cupboard to retrieve a binky she isn't supposed to have. BELIEVE ME, I have bigger fish to fry with these two. :)

My friend, who's house Bo spends a considerable amount of time at, says she has never seen him act disrespectfully. His teachers have never said a thing to me. At church, I see him, he can be totally obnoxious sometimes, but he stops when he's told to stop. In my opinion, that's respectful. Kids who ignore adults---I seriously want to give them beat downs. But I don't. That's what separates me from the crazies.

I guess I'm putting this out there because I know that as a parent, I can be delusional about how my children behave. There are things I will tolerate, that other's won't. There are things that are absolutely not allowed in our home, that other's don't find a big deal. Just this morning Bo said, "M____ says stupid, she says it right in front of her mom and doesn't get in trouble. How come she's allowed to say it." I totally refrained from saying, "Because her mom is stupid" and said, "Everyone has different rules. In our house, we think that is an unkind word to say, so we don't say it." When my kids can learn to distinguish between what they don't like and what really is stupid---they'll be allowed to say it.

Do you think the report I got was worthy of discipline (I am asking opinions, not instruction---I have already dealt with this particular incident)? Does anyone have any tips on how to teach your children to handle stupid adults? Without using the word stupid, of course.

I think I have decided to not make Bo have to spend any time there. I don't want him being mistreated, and frankly, I think getting worked up over normal little boy behavior, leads to a high likelihood of mistreating said boy. But I still want to hear some thoughts and opinions on the matter. Or, on parenting in general. Or stupid people. Or you could just send me some chocolate. I'm flexible.

Question. Did I ramble on long enough for ya?