Judge Not, Lest You Look Like a Schmuck

I have been learning this lesson in some obvious ways recently.

Before I begin telling you how, you should know--I pride myself on not being a judgmental person. I don't pride myself on my modesty or humility, but I do on being pretty non-judgmental. I really feel like there's a lot that goes into a person that we (I) don't know and it's pretty rude and ignorant to make judgments on that person based on the very little that we see.

But that doesn't make me immune to being a schmuck. Fo' sho.

I have a coworker that I really like. She's really poor and they don't have a car. She lives about 7 minutes from me and has asked me for a ride to or from work a couple of times. I have always been willing because it really hasn't ever been an inconvenience. Then, last week, she called me on my day off and asked for a ride. I told her I wasn't working that day. She responded, "Well, I knew that." Well, the old Nobody would have said, "Oh, let me wake my sleeping child, put shoes and coats on 3 kids, load them into my cold van, and come pick you up." Stupid. I said, "I'm sorry, I won't be able to give you a ride today." And it was done. I know she was probably in a tight spot, but I really have too much on my plate right now to be worrying about that. And I have to remind myself of that, because it's in my blood to make other people's problems mine. Stupid.

Well, she called again the other day. I was scheduled to work that night, I was perfectly able to take her to work. But for some reason, the request got under my skin. Whatever on earth did she do before I started working there? I am not interested in being taken advantage of just because I'm nice. I called my sister and griped. She has lots of experience with people who take advantage. She can spot them a mile away. Funny thing is, she still helps most of them. After I finished griping at her, I called my mom and griped. Both of them stroked my ego and my superiority of being the one who owned a car, the poor poor victim. They love me---they say what I want to hear.

However, my mom had said during my gripe fest to her "Kindness done with an unkind heart is no kindness at all". She speaks solely in proverbs. So, I made an effort to get rid of my bad attitude and told myself it wasn't that big of a deal (which it wasn't) and that I could be gracious (which I could).

That afternoon when I picked my coworker up, she jumped in the car (she's always ready and waiting for me) buckled up, reached into her purse and handed me a folded up wad of cash. "Here's for gas money. I really appreciate you picking me up while we are in this situation. We should have a car by Friday."

I kind of choked on my pride and my crappy, stupid, attitude right then. I told her thank you for the offer but I was okay and that I really appreciated her thinking to give me gas money.

My entire perception changed. She wasn't taking advantage. She wasn't trying to suck every little bit of free gas out of my tank that she could. She was doing the best she could. Just like we all are. And I made a resolve to stop being such a jerk. For the rest of the day.

Last night, the kids had gymnastics. This could be an entire post in and of itself, but suffice it to say, Avee, a head shorter than everyone in her class could do everything perfectly (and looking like a million bucks) and Bo, true to form, rolled and flapped and squawked on the map anytime the instructor wasn't looking. Oh yeah, and laid down and took a nap in the middle of warm-ups.

Anyway, during Bo's session, a mom brought in 2 boys like 10 minutes late. They were wild and unruly and loud. The instructor could hardly talk for all the talking they were doing. It was annoying me. I paid a good $2 for this class for Bo--I wanted every penny's worth. Really I was worried that Bo would follow suit. And I just can't have my boy being the obnoxious one. At least not when I'm in the room...

I silently hoped the kids wouldn't be back next week. I rudely noted that the instructor, while firm, was a lot kinder to the kids than I probably would have been. She could probably also do flips on a balance beam and herkies, so really it was dumb of me to compare.

Afterwards, as I was corralling my own children into the van, I heard this mom leaving with her two boys. I heard her saying loudly, "I am SO MAD. SO MAD." I figured the instructor had told her they had been unruly. I have said such things loudly to my own children. Only, it's been in my own home where no one can hear me. Or judge. (So I post about it on the internets) She continued on pretty loudly and then I heard her say, "Billy, STOP!" He apparently didn't stop, and I turned just in time to see her yank his head back by the hair on the top of his head. He screamed. She yelled more.

My heart broke a little. I felt sad for these boys. No wonder they act crazy when their mom isn't around, if that's how they are being raised. And I thought about the times I've been angry enough to yank the hair on the top of my kids' head. But I've had a husband come rescue me when I'm at the end of my rope. I have an education and a proper upbringing that has taught me coping skills that help me calm down. I have a support system in my family, in my friends. I have a blog. I don't work full time. It's not up to me to keep a house, pay the bills, go work, raise the children, have a life. I don't have to do it all. I felt sad for the boys and sad that I had judged so harshly. And I felt sad for the mom.

As I climbed in my own van, with my own perfectly behaved children, the thought came into my mind. "Judge not Nobody---see how very little you know about anything."