Thursday, August 30, 2007

Parenting Script revisited

So, I'm having the kind of day where there's nothing really wrong, but I'm wondering what the heck I've gotten myself into. There really must be more to life...

I recalled a post I did after feeling this way once, and looking back, see that it was just about two weeks shy of being exactly a year ago I posted it.

Must be seasonal.

I'm reposting it. And maybe next year at this time, I'll feel need to post it again.


Get your shoes on!

Do you have your underwear on?

Finish your sandwich!

Why is your sandwich on the floor?

Get OFF of there!

Do you know what you want?

Well, what do you want!?

Then close the refrigerator!

You are BIGGER than her, just move away if you don't like it!

Are you kidding me? Toothpaste?! You really thought that was okay?

Why are you co----STOP coloring on the table top!

1....2....3.....

ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

If I see that gum one more time....

Get your feet off the table!

If Dad saw that you would be in SO much trouble right now!

If I hear her squawk one more time because of you....

Because.

Because.

Because.

BECAUSE!!!!

Give me a break, it's a BANANA for crying out loud.

Because you need a nap. Because I said. Because if you don't get in there I'm gonna blow my stack!

Stop playing with your food---I'm sick of wiping yogurt off the bottom of the table.

No more tv.

No more movies.

No more dvds.

No more videos.

No you cannot have the remote control.

I AM watching?!

What am I watching?

Because you always have to wear a seatbelt.

No, you aren't the police officer.

Please don't say 'dammit'.

No, she did not say 'dammit', she can't even talk yet!

Please stop yelling everything you say, I'm right here.

Yes! I know David kills Goliath every time, I don't need to watch it.

Because I don't.

That is not a toy!

Stop hitting that!
Stop tearing that!
Stop whining!
Stop touching that!
Stop wasting that!
Stop doing that!
Stop! Stop! Stop!

2007's additions

Please stay in your bed.
You can't go outside unless you put on some pants.
Please get off the baby.
GET OFF THE BABY!!!!
No, it's not September yet.
No, it's not July either.
I don't care if batteries are included, I'm still not buying it.
I'm not holding you, you are in trouble right now.
I understand that Diego does it, but he's a CARTOON!
We do NOT pretend choke people!
Did you really think it was a good idea to put that acorn in your mouth?
Neosporin is NOT candy!
Because I am not a short order cook!
Who pulled the cushions off of the couch?
Please stop standing on my neck.
Close the shower curtain and get out of here!
I'm not going anywhere, I'm just combing my hair!

And the #1 phrase I say the most, "If you ________ one more time, I will __________.
Fill in the blank with any number of obnoxious and annoying behaviors followed by a semi-ridiculous threat that may or may not be followed through by me.

21 comments:

Leslie said...

i'm bookmarking this because i LOVE it. i smiled all the way through until "Don't stand on my neck." Then I lost it. :)

Lisa said...

Spoken like a true mom!

Rebecca said...

ditto.. though lately those are the same things I have had to say to the insurance people. If you _________ one more time I will ______.. when will they ever learn? I should ask thier moms..

Tori :) said...

Were you a fly on my wall today??

Luisa Perkins said...

Ummm, did you install a bug in my house? I'm feeling a little paranoid now....

Alicia said...

Is this what I have to look forward to?!

You are hilarious! Danyo is growing up quickly.

Barnecked Lady said...

oh okay I want to play this game. okay let's see... IF you take food into the game room one more time, I will put you in time out for 6 hours, one hour for every year you have annoyed me. lol. I actually said that the other day and I just busted out laughing at how funny it sounded. really??? a 6 hour time out. lol.

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Oh, I loved the original post so much and you've just made it better!!!!

Way to go Mom, with the ridiculous threats! I wish I'd kept track of all the goofy stuff I've had to say to my kids. :)

Suzanne said...

Do we live in a parallel universe??? (Or are you just hiding under my bed writing down everything said in my house?) LOL!!! :D

S said...

That darn danyo unfolding the laundry...he sure is going to be a wild one.

glittersmama said...

"No, she did not say 'dammit', she can't even talk yet!"

Definitely my favorite.

EarthBint said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EarthBint said...

Maybe I'm the cause of your need to write this post... :-)

I feel famous because 2 of those pictures were taken by me!!

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

I giggled through the whole thing. Oh my word --- mothers have rough the world over.

Breit Mama said...

It gets better but you still find your self saying things like this -
I don't care if ______ (insert name of any child older than yours) does it, you are only _______ (insert age of whichever child you are talking to at the time) years old -
Stripes and plaids are never going to go together, evoh! -
If you think you are going out of the house looking like that! -
Oh, I am sorry, you must have forgotten. I am the parent!

Sketchy said...

Here's my contribution " I don't care that ______________ (insert unrelated child) did it! I'm not their mother!"

Sketchy said...

Or, "Yes I am the boss of you, read the Bible."

Blackeyedsue said...

I think my pants might be wet. I feel you honey. I so feel you!

Coordination Queen said...

I think I've said about half of those things over the past couple of days. I'm going to print this out for quick reference... all sorts of new things to yell! So much fun!

btw ~ I'm here through glittersmama

No Cool Story said...

What about "we do not play with the queso"?
I love all the pictures of all your kids. Avee was very busy with that marker.

"What am I watching?" HAHAHAHA!

Lou said...

Oh my. Did you watch me today and just post everything that came out of my mouth?

You missed the part where I tied the chairs to the table with yarn because I couldn't stand finding the kids up into all of the counters again lol!