Friday, June 22, 2007

Probably Not What The Scripture Actually Means...

You know, we are supposed to be like little children. And since I spend my days with the smallest of them, I have chance to observe many of the things they do. I can't help but think I would be contributing a lot to society to share some of those things.

A few of these things I just don't see my other adult friends doing, and perhaps that's something that needs to change.

If you feel gassy or feel like you need a little extra help going to the bathroom. Try yelling it out. It doesn't have to be angry or distraught yelling, just a good hearty yell. Works for Danyo.

If you want to stay up later where the big people are and the lights are still on, think of the most unique, un-fixable problem and then wander out with your belly button showing and your pajama bottoms not quite covering what they are intended to and report your problem. Even if the big people who are there to solve all your problems start laughing and send you back to the dark, boring, room where your younger sister is saying "SHH!" for no reason, it will buy you some time in the light, grown-up world. Totally worth it. "There's blood under my skin, I think it's coming out of my bones, it's really bad" is a problem that works for Bo.

If the Chocolate-Keeper says no "shock-wet" until after lunch/dinner---go find the foot high stool that the Chocolate-Keeper stupidly bought at Ikea and get it yourself. From on top of the refrigerator. Because Diana Ross is right, ain't no mountain or cupboard high enough. Even when you are two.

Announce every time you have to go to the bathroom. Or have just gone. Wherever that is.

Define the rules of your world by your most recent obsession. "Karate Kid doesn't wear underwear" or "Spiderman's mom doesn't kiss him. He doesn't even have a mom. And he doesn't have to be nice to his sister. Ever. He doesn't even have a sister."

Within 10 minutes of doing something totally embarrassing like, laying on the floor, kicking and screaming, or flopping across the living room like a jelly-fish, whining, on your way to a time-out---totally act like it never happened and not be an ounce embarrassed.

When the grownups who take care of you say "Let's go to _______'s house" and you know he is a cute, older, 5 year old man, remember the two most important things, clean underwear and pretty hair. "Uh-oh, I need cween dipoh! UH-OH!!! DO MY HAIR!"

When your mom catches you unfolding and flinging around laundry she just washed and folded while simultaneously nursing a baby and she starts to yell at you for making twice as much work for her and whatever else is annoying her at that moment, bug out your eyes and start shaking your entire body like you are freezing cold because it's a totally weird response and it will make her laugh and kind of feel bad for yelling about dumb ol' laundry anyway.

If you feel like doing something "naughty" just repeat what you know the grownup in your life will say when they catch you, while you are doing it. Sort of braces you for the blow, while you still indulge in some naughtiness.

Hover around the toilet anytime someone is using it just for a chance at the quick thrill of flushing.

Throw yourself on the floor while half-naked and wail for 6.5 minutes if you have a sneaky, hovering sister who flushes the toilet before you can, right after you've used it.

Let everything be made better by the promise that Dad will be home at 1.

Repeat anything you say 7 times. Even if you are totally being listened and responded to.

Believe that kisses and bandaids really do make everything better.

Tell the secret of your super spiderman dive and not holding your breath under water to the newborn because he can't repeat it for a long long long long long time. All he ever says is crying and no one even understands him when he's doing that.

Manage to be impossibly perfect and precious even when all you do is poop, squirm, sleep, suck, and occasionally yell for cleansing purposes.

And probably most importantly: Within minutes of being the brunt of a grownup's frustration/exhaustion/stupidity when you are just being yourself, forgive her. Completely. So completely that you think nothing of climbing on her lap and snuggling her because you haven't the slightest inclination to hold a grudge. And because you trust in the goodness of others and without knowing it, trust that even grownups are just doing the best they can.


Sketchy said...

Oh I think its that last one were supposed to follow. Well maybe not snuggling in someone's lap...I guess that depends on the someone.

LOVE the list!

S said...

oops I just comment on this post on the prior post. Love the outfit wish I had thought of that. now I am even

No Cool Story said...

No shock-wet? Booo :(

"Karate Kid doesn't wear underwear", really? All this time I didn't know that.

Code Yellow Mom said...

So funny, so poignant, and so true. This list is awesome.

Luisa Perkins said...

Love it.

Millie said...

You should write a book, Ang. :) I linked to this today.

compulsive writer said...

Oh so funny.

Oh so true.

Oh so perfectly said!

megachick said...

well done. i'm constantly amazed at how quickly kids can forgive.

i am still steamed 3 hours after a pooka tantrum, yet 5 minutes after the punishment is complete, she wants to snuggle or do something with me. and then probably does again whatever got her punished in the first place.

wait, is it forgiveness or forgetfulness?

Suzanne said...

LOL! It's so true how forgiving children are. They also don't judge other people! I was amazed at how many things on your list involved bodily fluids or processes! be a kid again! :D