Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Everything That I Do

Avee is sobbing hysterically on the couch. I'm tough, but not so callous that I haven't tried to comfort her. 4 times. I've been punched 6 times. So I'm going to let the plastic hanger she's trapped her legs in, console her.

I took Bo and Avee to run a few errands, the last of which was the post office. I hate the post office. With a passion greater than these words can convey. I hate their prices, I hate their lines, I hate how 9 out of 10 of the employees aren't friendly because they don't have to be, and I hate their lines. Oops. Already said that.

So anyway, Bo and Avee have been delightful errand companions and I'm thinking this mothering gig just might be something I can do. As I approach the counter and plunk my stuff down, I hear the employee two stations over gasp. I turn and she's pointing in my direction and says, "Honey, you need to get down from there right now." I turn around, and there's pretty little Avee perched on the counter, happy as can be. I laughed that just two seconds before, she had been hanging on my legs, and suddenly, there she was 4 feet off the ground. I also laughed that a child dangling her little legs a few feet off the ground had made the worker gasp and insist Avee get down immediately.

I don't think she should climb on counters, just out of basic respect for public property, that's not what we do at post offices, etc. But acting like she was in mortal danger was a little much for me.

Apparently my little giggle was too much for Avee.

A couple of minutes afterward, I looked down to see Avee hiding her face and periodically flinging her arm out to hit in mine and Bo's general direction.

I seize the moment to show what a good, kind, attentive, caring, and intuitive mother I am. I pick Avee up and say gently, "No one is mad at you, it's okay---we just can't climb on things in the post office, this isn't a place for climbing." By "we" I meant "you" because I generally don't climb anything anymore.

So I get about 3/4 of the way through that brilliant little parenting moment and Avee slugs me and squirms from my arms. That's the other thing I hate about the post office. I couldn't really kick her in the kidneys like I wanted to, and I couldn't address the issue in any way because I still had to pay for the dang packages.

She nailed me a couple of more times in the thigh before I was done.

I dragged her out the door by her hair arm and gave her a whatfor outside the door.

I don't care how mad you are, or who you are mad at, you do not hit, it is not okay for you to hit me!

That's really how a parent. In unrealistic definitives through gritted teeth. If you must know.

In turn, Avee flung herself against the post office window I had just seen being cleaned as we walked in. There's a nice body print on it now.

Halfway home, with her wailing and me counting backwards from a million, to keep my cool, I think to ask her why she's so sad.

It's then that I learn that it was because of my teeny, tiny, millisecond laugh as I hoisted her off the counter.


Now I can't laugh? Is everything I do going to constantly be under scrutiny. We don't say shut up, we don't say stupid, we don't say butt. And NOW we don't laugh at funny little girls. At least not at the post office.

Bossy little dramatic girls make me want to fling myself at stupid post office windows.

We don't say stupid.


Heffalump said...

Now I have a visual in my head of you plastered against a big post office window, then slowly sliding down. It's quite comical really.

dancin' momma said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one dealing with moody little girls :) Must be something in the air...

Yvonne said...

Now I can say this on your blog (because I'LL NEVER, EVER, EVER SAY IT ON MINE ; ) girls are soooooo much harder to raise than boys. I love them all, but PLEASE--you tell a boy something they get made and forget it. A girl goes running in her room and six months later brings it up AGAIN.

And, regarding the post office--have you ever been there when they should be opening their doors and they stare at you like DARE ME TO OPEN THEM BECAUSE IT'S TIME. I'LL OPEN THEM WHEN I'M DARNED READY TO AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!!!

Yvonne said...

Sorry about the long comment.

Dawna said...

HA! This is why I never leave the house. Ever. Just when you had decided they were good and sweet and easy, they sprout horns and breathe fire. And the post office, being hell on earth, is the most likely place for this to happen.

ucmama said...

dancin momma, I have an almost 10 year old who is just as moody. I don't think it gets better, I think they just eventually move out.

InkMom said...

Yvonne has no idea what a long comment really is. I could show her right now, but you've covered pretty much all the bases here.

So, so funny. That's all.

MommyJ said...

I think I'm just going to tell you how awesome it is to run errands while my overly dramatic little girl is in school.

But then you might think I'm trying to make you feel bad. And I would never do that.

mycurlyhairdays said...

My favorite! Sassy Girls in Public Places!
I am glad there was only a Avee body print! I was nervous for a second!
Quit lauging and saying stupid, stupid!
(that's not allowed at our house, either)

Sister Pottymouth said...

I was feeling so sympathetic until "There's a nice body print on it now." Then I laughed so suddenly that my throat seized. It hurt. Thanks for that. And don't laugh at me or I'll be mad at you forever.

Anonymous said...

ROFL....omg...i think Avee and my Tanner would get along like a house afire.
Hes five and dramatic to a fault....
and lord he looks so cute when he pouts i want to eat him up...but i have learned to not get too close; those darn spiderman shoes hurt.


Bryner Family said...

You really should know better than to laugh at your own daughter. I mean, how rude! :) Ha ha. We've been considering getting a dog (I know, I'm nuts) and we (the little girls & I) went to look at the shelters around here yesterday and when Jill got home from school and found out we had looked at dogs, she burst into tears and ran off. I called her back and she screamed, "How could you go without me? That's so mean!" I told her she would have loved and wanted to adopt every one of them and I was trying to find 2 or 3 for her to consider that I felt would work with our family. Then she was like, "Oh." SO EMOTIONAL. Mommy is just so mean sometimes to not comprehend every feeling they might be having. Oh the drama. And I've got THREE of these precious girls!!! Loved your post office story. I hate all post offices as well and you are so right in your evaluation!

Super L said...

I think you don't deserve to have children if you are going laugh at them in public places. That's child abuse, stupid!

And I'm going to tell the dcps about the kid print--that's evidence.

Emily said...

I think I want to just cut and paste this. Change the name to Isaac. The setting to the dental office waiting area. And instead of cute little legs dangling four feet off the ground, try big kicking maniac legs jumping into people's heads. Yup. Isaac discovered the swinging strength of industrial, wall-length window shades.
The rest of the story sounds about right, though.

Tori said...

I think Avee and Liv may be the same kid...

Sketchy said...

Alex is my girl apparently, he went through this phase where I could not utter the word silly. No matter how silly he was being or how obviously he was seeking attention from said silly behavior. If I uttered the word, it was over.