What does C-L-U-E-L-E-S-S spell?

When I lived in Texas one of my friends had 2 little boys and lived nearby. Every now and then I'd see her pulling her older son away from older kids and would say she didn't want him hanging out with them. They weren't bad kids, and she knew they weren't---she just didn't want her 7 year old hanging out with 11 year old kids.

I didn't think much of it, and definitely didn't think I would have the same problem, almost 10x's worse.

Bo's favorite people are all older than him. Today he sighed dreamily over his pancakes and said, "I wish I was Joe." When I asked him why, his only real answer was---because he is 7.

I've tried different approaches to keep him away from older kids (I'm talking 9, 10, 11---even 12) but nothing has been effective. The Pokemon craze unites all kinds and I'm determined to ride this annoying and persistent Pokemon train until it's done. Last night J was daydreaming of a Pokemon-less existence and said, "Hey I know! Let's just ban Pokemon cards altogether!" For a moment I felt free again, but I had to remind J that we can't just go around making up rules because things are annoying to us. And since we don't have any moral opposition to the cards, we just have to let it go.

J objected. He says that he is morally opposed to being annoyed.

But this isn't another Pokemon post.

One of the issues my friend had with her son being around older kids, is the exposure to things over his head. I have that issue. Big time.

Yesterday Bo referred to his "nuts" and had NO idea what he was saying. Of course---when I told him what he was saying, that made it 10 times funnier for him.

Here's today's problem: (With a little background) Often when we are driving around Bo will spell out the names of various Pokemon cards for pronunciation. I have gotten very used to hearing, "What does T-a-n-g-e-l-a spell mom?" A lot.

Also, a few weeks ago Bo was waving his middle finger around and someone told him that meant something bad. One of those things that bugs me about him hanging out with older kids. So, later that night he asked me what it meant. I would not tell him the word, but I did tell him that it meant something very rude and it's probably best that he not do it. You know, flip people off and whatnot.

He didn't seem too concerned to not know the word. I was hesitant to have him hear it, even in a teaching setting, because my children have been on a year long kick of yelling out every "bad word" they can think of whenever they feel like being obnoxious. "Fohwt" is as bad as it's ever gotten around here.

SO.

Just now, I was sitting at the computer getting all my stuff together to pay bills. As I'm gearing up for the magic of paying bills, my brain registers Bo's voice. He's again spelling something. I absentmindedly say, "sound it out first, then I will help you" and as I say that, I realize it's not a Pokemon day, so I turn around to bust him and just in time, get to see my sweet little five year old with his tiny little middle finger struggling to stay up by itself amidst those other little fingers that want to stand up too and just in time to hear him say, "Fuhhhhh....."

Yes, he sounded it out just right.

And then noted, "Hmmm, the 'c' must be silent because I only made one 'kuh' sound and there's two 'kuh' letters in f____."

I told him that he'd sounded it out right and asked him where he'd learned how to spell it. It was an older boy. He told him this older (good kid) was allowed to say every bad word except that one. Uhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah.

I told him that it was a word he could never say, it's the worst word you can possibly say and that saying a word like that at school would get him kicked out of school. That's how he knows it's serious. I use the threat of expulsion on my 5 year old who hasn't even started kindergarten. I am that good at parenting.

I feel like the dropping of the f bomb is taken care of.

But I still have the dilemma of Bo always hanging out with older kids. One of the kids is 12 and when he knocks on my door and asks to play with a five year old, I just can't help but feel sorry for him. I don't want to be yet another person who rejects these kids, and clearly some of them are not well-accepted by their peers---or their parents for that matter.

I have tried just letting them in my home so I can supervise them---but that's not easy for me. I don't really have time to hang out with a bunch of kids in the basement while they obsess over critters with names most of them can't even pronounce. Not to mention the mental stamina for that kind of torture.

And now I'm going to publish and now the world will know what a vulgar people we are here in Iowa.