Parenting Expertise: Not Here

Yesterday we went to the store to get some milk, green peppers, red onion, and toilet paper. We went by way of the bicycle department. Bo's got a birthday coming up (I hope he doesn't read this!) and Avee's got some diapers she needs to get out of. I had actually resolved to just let Avee go to jr high in diapers, based on her whole age regression wishes. But then we had to go buy more diapers and I get all fired up every time we have to do that.

So, I didn't actually think of a bike for Avee when we went there, but she hopped on some little princess, glittery, dangly-things galore bike and whipped around the aisles; annoying all the parents who keep tighter leashes on their kids and all the old people who think children should be seen and not heard. On any given day, I'm one of those people.

When it was time to go, she started wailing about wanting a bike. I took her face in my hands and over the incessant wail of "IwannabikeIwannabikeIneedabikegimmethatbikenooooo" I said, "You start wearing big girl underwear and going potty in the toilet, then we will get you a bike."

This kind of stuff works with Bo. He gets it. He gets that he has to show progress for the award. Avee---not so much.

Since we've been home (yesterday at 3pm), this is about how the conversations go. All. the. time.

Avee: Mom! I goed poop, give me a bike!
Mom: You have to keep doing that and keep underwear clean for a lot of times, and then we'll go get a bike.
Avee: I'll stay by you in the store! Come on!
Mom: You have to keep your underwear on everyday and keep them clean for a long time and then we'll go get a bike.
Avee: Mom! I have on inuh-weyoh and I didn't pee on Cyoh-ee-us Jodge, I didn't. Let's go get a bike.
Mom: Blah blah underwear clean blah blah long time blah blah!
Avee: Come on Mom! Here's yo shoes.
Mom: (Loud sigh) Help?
Avee: Let's go get a bike mom!

It's times like this, and this happens a LOT, that I wonder if she really doesn't get it, or if she's just smart enough to know she should act like she doesn't so we feel bad for her and don't keep the same standard of expectation with her. J thinks it's the latter.

We have become Youtube junkies at night. Right now Avee is chasing Danyo around the house calling him Chawlie and trying to get him to bite her finger. Even when he doesn't comply she yells out, "Chawlie bit my fingah! That isn't nice Chawlie!"

Danyo has been taking steps for a while now, but just figured out this week that walking from place to place might actually be faster than always crawling. So, he's venturing out on his own. Only, he didn't get the memo that "Ability to walk sometimes does not equal ability to go down stairs upright, trying to hold on to banister you can't actually reach." Yeah, he just totally ate it down about 5 stairs. On the upside, he got down one stair before falling. So that's like, a little less painful---right?

And Bo? Well, his first words this morning were, "Yessssss! It's not raining!" Even though it had been all night and was totally overcast and wet outside. That very moment---it was not raining. Now that's a glass is half full kind of guy. Of course, it started pouring rain in about 20 minutes and his field trip to the zoo was inevitably cancelled. He had a lot of warning that it might be, but a zoo-less day comes hard to a 4 year-old's heart.

Before J left for work he told Bo, "If your field trip gets cancelled because it rains, I will take you to the zoo when it's not raining and we'll ride on the train too. If your field trip doesn't get cancelled, I will just do my usual and sit on the couch and watch tv and do nothing with you." If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was making a statement about my parenting. Either way, it made me and Bo laugh.

The End.