Friday, May 2, 2008

Parenting Expertise: Not Here

Yesterday we went to the store to get some milk, green peppers, red onion, and toilet paper. We went by way of the bicycle department. Bo's got a birthday coming up (I hope he doesn't read this!) and Avee's got some diapers she needs to get out of. I had actually resolved to just let Avee go to jr high in diapers, based on her whole age regression wishes. But then we had to go buy more diapers and I get all fired up every time we have to do that.

So, I didn't actually think of a bike for Avee when we went there, but she hopped on some little princess, glittery, dangly-things galore bike and whipped around the aisles; annoying all the parents who keep tighter leashes on their kids and all the old people who think children should be seen and not heard. On any given day, I'm one of those people.

When it was time to go, she started wailing about wanting a bike. I took her face in my hands and over the incessant wail of "IwannabikeIwannabikeIneedabikegimmethatbikenooooo" I said, "You start wearing big girl underwear and going potty in the toilet, then we will get you a bike."

This kind of stuff works with Bo. He gets it. He gets that he has to show progress for the award. Avee---not so much.

Since we've been home (yesterday at 3pm), this is about how the conversations go. All. the. time.

Avee: Mom! I goed poop, give me a bike!
Mom: You have to keep doing that and keep underwear clean for a lot of times, and then we'll go get a bike.
Avee: I'll stay by you in the store! Come on!
Mom: You have to keep your underwear on everyday and keep them clean for a long time and then we'll go get a bike.
Avee: Mom! I have on inuh-weyoh and I didn't pee on Cyoh-ee-us Jodge, I didn't. Let's go get a bike.
Mom: Blah blah underwear clean blah blah long time blah blah!
Avee: Come on Mom! Here's yo shoes.
Mom: (Loud sigh) Help?
Avee: Let's go get a bike mom!

It's times like this, and this happens a LOT, that I wonder if she really doesn't get it, or if she's just smart enough to know she should act like she doesn't so we feel bad for her and don't keep the same standard of expectation with her. J thinks it's the latter.

We have become Youtube junkies at night. Right now Avee is chasing Danyo around the house calling him Chawlie and trying to get him to bite her finger. Even when he doesn't comply she yells out, "Chawlie bit my fingah! That isn't nice Chawlie!"

Danyo has been taking steps for a while now, but just figured out this week that walking from place to place might actually be faster than always crawling. So, he's venturing out on his own. Only, he didn't get the memo that "Ability to walk sometimes does not equal ability to go down stairs upright, trying to hold on to banister you can't actually reach." Yeah, he just totally ate it down about 5 stairs. On the upside, he got down one stair before falling. So that's like, a little less painful---right?

And Bo? Well, his first words this morning were, "Yessssss! It's not raining!" Even though it had been all night and was totally overcast and wet outside. That very moment---it was not raining. Now that's a glass is half full kind of guy. Of course, it started pouring rain in about 20 minutes and his field trip to the zoo was inevitably cancelled. He had a lot of warning that it might be, but a zoo-less day comes hard to a 4 year-old's heart.

Before J left for work he told Bo, "If your field trip gets cancelled because it rains, I will take you to the zoo when it's not raining and we'll ride on the train too. If your field trip doesn't get cancelled, I will just do my usual and sit on the couch and watch tv and do nothing with you." If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was making a statement about my parenting. Either way, it made me and Bo laugh.

The End.


Traci said...


The Avee bike conversation is classic. She's smart enough, that's my vote.

The stairs are killer. But one less is always a good thing.

And oh, the rain on the zoo trip...Can't wait for the non-raining-day-J-on-the-train-with-Bo pics. :)

S said...

YEAH Traci! I wanna go to the ZOO!! We had horrid storms last night, watch the news we will be on it. But its not raining now! The Arbys 2 miles from my house was wiped off the face of the earth. Amazing!

glittersmama said...

How many times do you have to say Cyoh-ee-us Jodge out loud while trying to figure out how to spell it?

NOBODY said...

Glittersmama--you TOTALLY busted me. Very funny!

I had to say it about 5 or 6 times. AND I had to have Avee say it twice to make sure I was getting it right.

omar said...

I had a good comment in my head, but then I saw the google add for "adult pull-ups," and the comment disappeared...

She didn't pee on Curious George? Does this happen often?

Tori :) said...

I've said this before, but I'll say it again- I love how you write how your kids say words. I LOVE it! I can totally hear her saying "Curious George." So fun!

Cindy said...

Your kids are the cutest. I loved your conversation with Avee, with the whole bike thing, and potty training. Danyo is so cute too!! Parker also has started taking more and more steps, and has discovered the stairs. He will get half way up, then start screaming for someone to come and get him.

Mamarazzi said...

AWESOME>>>"my usual and sit on the couch and watch tv and do nothing with you"

so guess what? you won!! we had the drawing today. have you seen my new blog? sooo CUTE!

SO come to my blog, send my your snail the happy dance (you know you wanna)!!

Suzanne said...

Can I just say that I love how you spell words so we know just how your kids are pronouncing them?!? It's so cute to see Avee pronounce Curious George like that! Cute enough to get a bike though? Probably not... :D

Sarah Tilley said...

hey, if you had my in-laws one particularly grouchy one would tell you it was your fault your kid wasn't potty trained at two. and when your kid did finally get potty trained, they wouldn't say a word because it would be prideful to say, "looks like my rude sniping comment worked!" ;)

one time henry fell down the stairs. I got there just in time. he was about to crack his skull on the tile entry way floor, but i dove and caught his head in my hand. yeah, i was the queen of awesome that day.

oh yes, i'm one of those people on any given day, too.

MommyJ said...

okay... i'm not getting what youtube has to do with avee and chawlie biting her finger... and since you are never, ever random, I figure there must be an explanation!


Very funny post... all very similar situations to things that happen in my house. Every single one. We even have a curious george that has come most mighty close to being peed on. But that is a story for another day.

Nobody said...

Silly of me to assume everyone had seen the Youtube video I referred to. I'm just usually the last to get in on the viral videos, so I did assume...

Tha's what I'm talking about. :)

cindy said...

you must be a better parent than me. after 3 months of pooping his pants, we did give him the bike after only ONE sucessful poop on the potty. we kind of grounded him from riding it when he had a accident though . . .

Sketchy said...

What if you got a calendar out and marked the day that Avee could get her bike? And then every day she could put a big smiley face sticker or something if she makes it through without accidents? Maybe something she can visually conceptualize would help?

It's not raining here today, tell Bo he can come on over and we'll go to the zoo.

Poor Danyo. Those stairs are out to get you I swear.

Carrot Jello said...

I like the way you end things.

No Cool Story said...

I didn't pee on Curious George either. What do I get?

No Cool Story said...

I was so sure I commented on this post :(

"I'll stay by you in the store! Come on!"

Dude you are so difficult.