Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Ocean Is Over-rated

Bo started preschool a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I know---I didn't even blog about it, and it's a great milestone in his eventful and important life as a 4 year old. I'd much rather blog about the weird and disgusting things he does. Mother of the year you say? Why, thank you!
Since he started on September 5th, everyday he has come home with some fish/sea-life/ocean project. They are learning about ocean life. I know this. I have 27 priceless construction paper projects to remind me.
So he has his first Show and Tell last Friday. After picking him up on Wednesday, I asked him what he wanted to bring for Show and Tell. He said he wanted to bring the paper "octa-bus" they just made in school that day. I explain to him that he should show the class something they haven't already seen that he has at home, that is important to him. So he says he wants to take the beanie baby crab that my sister sent me long before he was even an idea in my mind. He had been insisting on sleeping with it for the last couple of nights so I figure, what the heck, he can take a lame ol' beanie baby if he wants. I won't be the one standing in front of my peers extolling the virtues of a tye-dyed crab.

For the record, I don't collect beanie babies. I do however, collect thimbles.

So, Friday morning rolls around and I haven't thought about Show and Tell since Wednesday at 11:22 when we had our conversation on the way home from school. We are enjoying the usual serene morning with two perfectly obedient and compliant children who love to eat whatever I make for them and never throw their food on the floor or chase each other around the house to return the other's hair pulling or scream because I turned off SpongeBob. See above: Mother of the year.

I tell Bo to get the crab and put it in his school bag. He tells me he hates his school bag and it's stupid. I tell him to stuff it and go get the crab. He can't find it. I can't find it. The crab has left the building. We have nothing. I'm still nursing and trying to find a stupid stuffed crab has me broken out in a sweat. So, when Bo has the great idea to take his Winnie The Pooh book about making a cake and confusing flower with flour---I think it's a great idea.

I drop him off at school with his show and tell item in hand and I'm feeling like a superstar that I a) got him to school in one piece b) with his school bag and c) with his show and tell item. I mean really, you gotta give it to me---that's impressive on my part.

When I picked him up I asked him about his presentation of the book. It was great, he told his class it was his favorite book and a little bit of what it was about. He said the teacher asked him who reads it to him, his mom? And he corrects her, "no, my dad" and she, thinking he was surely mistaken since she had evidence of what a superstar mom I am and hasn't seen hide nor hair of "the dad" said, "You mean, your mom?" and Bo assures her, "No, my mom has never read me this book, only my dad." Truth be known, Winnie the Pooh bores the hell out of me. I can endure a lot for my children, but I guess I have drawn the line at Mr. Pooh.

I asked Bo if anyone else brought a book. He said his friend had. I was relieved that my kid wasn't the loser with a lame show and tell item.

Fyoosh. Made it smoothly through the first social obstacle we encountered.

Later that day, I was organizing the desk and came upon his preschool calendar. Something I apparently should have been consulting regularly. It tells me what he's learning every day (as if I didn't SEE all the ocean paraphernalia every day) and who's supposed to bring snack every day and other important events, like Show and Tell. There in all caps, bold letters it says "SHOW-AND-TELL: WE ARE LEARNING ABOUT THE OCEAN"

After reading that, I swallowed hard. No wonder he wanted to take that stupid crab, he was supposed to bring something from the ocean. Oh geez. Those teachers know now that I am a lame excuse for involved and prepared. But wait, another kid brought a book. Books aren't from the ocean. Maybe I'm not the only lame-ox. I find a lot of comfort in stupidity companionship.
"BO!? Did ____ bring a book to Show and Tell?"
"Yes!"

Good, not so bad, at least there's one other lame mom at that presch....

"It was Little Mermaid! Just like the movie we have! And he gave us all a seashell too!"

23 comments:

MommyJ said...

You are too funny, and I think have actually inspired my own blog post for the day...

Barnecked Lady said...

LOL!! And yet it's only just begun...It could be worse, I had a friend dress her kid up for Halloween and send him to school and he was the only one in the costume. LOL. She had to go get him a change of clothes. LOL!!! Make sure you read the Halloween memo. LOL!!!!

Tori :) said...

Winnie the Pooh is boring!! And the ocean is over-rated. I mean, there's all those fish pooping in there and it's all salty with seaweed crap...

glittersmama said...

I'm sure the kids loved the Winnie the Pooh book to shake things up a bit. Some of them were probably getting seasick at that point.

I hate that the adorable picture of your son is marred by the lady in the background with her pants crammed up her butt. Can't she feel that?

No Cool Story said...

what the heck, he can take a lame ol' beanie baby . Mother of the year material right there.

.....Oh man.
I can't see the screen anymore...tears...I'll be back

No Cool Story said...

Preschool calendars are also over-rated. Who reads those anyway? Not Mother's of the Year that's who.

Next time he brings the wrong item/theme/idea he should also wear his gifted shirt. OK, it's probably sleep wear, but really, it'd be perfect.

No Cool Story said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
No Cool Story said...

I can't even type anymore.
I'm dying here, I can barely breath. You are really killing me this time.
Put that in your over-rated calendar: September 18th NOBODY KILLS NCS.

Methodical wormer said...

That is so me in 3 years... I'm totally feeling for you. I'm not that cool mom that plans lots of great ideas like freakin' seashells to give out to the class. Who does that and why are they trying to make us look bad!?!?

PS I can't stand pooh either.

No Cool Story said...

What with all the laughing and such I didn't comment on how cute and precious Bo looks.

I agree with Methodical Wormer. Sea Shell Mom needs to calm down.

S said...

Ok you were really funny but just hearing NCS getting the giggles takes the cake! Whatz the deal with this new pose of Bo's ....priceless. It is so hard to read between the lines on what kids really are saying, trust me it doesn't get better. thanks for the laugh

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

Oh, preschool teachers. They're so stinkin' self-important. Like the kid is going to remember JACK SQUAT about what he was taught at preschool.

I hope you called her and apologized, just for your own satisfaction of hearing her "forgive" you for stooping to such an act. A NON OCEAN ITEM at Show & Tell! How could you?

I love your stories. :)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

P.S. Wow, NCS is really on one... those sleeping pills must be doing the job.

P.P.S. I think you should make Ben take the Pooh book for every Show & Tell - just cover the title with your own homemade title, like "Winnie the Pooh drowns at the bottom of the ocean." You can change it for each theme.

glittersmama said...

Loving Millie's ideas for new Winnie the Pooh titles and picturing Pooh at the bottom of the ocean.

Code Yellow Mom said...

hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!

(I am also a Pooh antagonist. and yet my children will be arrayed as three of the characters for Halloween. because the costumes were free. because i hate halloween, too. THAT should get ME mom of the year, huh?)

Code Yellow Mom said...

P.S. He is ADORABLE. and so grown up. We are moms of small children. Sometimes I still can't get my head around that.

P.P.S. As long as you don't try making a train cookie cake when they have a railroad theme, you should be able to redeem yourself with his preschool teachers and friends.

Beckie said...

So what if you have no ocean themed things in your home? If she ever said anything to you I would sa ysomething like " we've never been to the ocean, nor do we have any ocean themed things. Anything to do with ocean is against our religion!" You'd be surprised at the things people think we believe in. Plus it would put her in her place.

Beckie said...

p.s. I also don't like Pooh bear and company. Christopher Robin was always to wussy for me.

No Cool Story said...

So I'm attempting to explain to DH how I read the funniest post ever today.
ME: "Nobody wrote the funniest post today. I laughed so much"
DH: "I thought you said the one at the park was the funniest"
ME: "yeah, that one too, but this one has a tye-dyed crab and an over-rated calendar with bold letters....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

No Cool Story said...

I like Beckie's idea: "we don't believ in the ocean. It has salt and shells."

Pooh is a very slow bear, he talks like an old woman :P

Candace Salima (LDS Nora Roberts) said...

Bo is one seriously cute little boy!

Rebecca said...

thimbles.. good to know.. and as far as the ocean goes.. does the preschool teacher realize you are in Iowa, or Idaho, or Omaha.. you get the point.. MIDDLE of the COUNTRY lady, no oceans, just Pooh.. and too much of it.. MOTHER of the YEAR fo sho.. school calendars, church calendars, work calendars.. to me it all a bit over rated. Who knows what tomorrow will really be like!!!

Epsi said...

You reminded me of a story a child I once knew. She was at a friend's house, and her friend's mom was hitting the washer and saying, "Stupid washer!" The child very seriously said to her friend's mom, "We don't say stupid in our house."
Her friend's mom said, "Oh, what do you say in your house?"
The child said, "We say damn and hell."
So you can tell the preschool teacher, "We don't say 'ocean' in our house..."