Sunday, September 16, 2007

I'll Give You A Nickel If You Still Like Me By The End

I don't really have anything to post. You have been warned.

Everyone in my house is sick right now. Except me.

Who has the superior genes now? That's what I thought.

J got sick over Labor Day weekend, also know as Memorial Day Weekend when I am speaking. He seemed to be getting better but ever so slowly and with a vicious cough. This weekend, he seems to be almost back at square one. With a cough that sounds like he eats cigarettes for breakfast. Even baby Danyo has some sniffles.

Soooo, as interesting as that all is, I want to tell you some other inconsequential, potentially boring, definitely pointless, things.

Avee and I went to pick up some carryout Pho last night, for my ailing husband. That is his celebratory meal, sickbed meal, default meal, consolation meal...the boy loves Pho. Yeah, he found a Vietnamese restaurant before we've found a bank, a pediatrician, or a park for pete's sake. While waiting, Avee ran about 10 feet from me and when I didn't react (because it was down a dead end hallway that was about 15 feet long) she yelled, "Mo-o-o-o-om, I too far awaaaaaay!" Apparently I say that to Avee when she dashes away from me in public. It's always funny for me to hear what I say to my kids for the first time, coming from them.

Today it took me about an hour to figure out that Avee was feeling sick because her only symptom was hanging on me and crying excessively. My diagnosis for that is actually called ANNOYING so I didn't think "sick". During one such annoying sick display, I was trying to wash some dishes and J came and rescued me Avee. He said to her, "Why are you being so clingy to mom? You need to leave mom alone, she doesn't need to hold you all the time. She needs to clean the house while we watch her." Avee conceded that this was a decent arrangement and went and snuggled on the couch with J while I finished the dishes. And I was happy. What's wrong with THAT story?

And my last little vignette is only being recorded so I can prove to Bo in 25 years or so that I earned the house and car and luxury vacations he will be buying for me on his *brain surgeon salary. And also so you'll just have a little peek into the kind of conversations I have with this boy. I'll try not to be too graphic for those of you who are waaaaay out of this stage or not yet entered it.

Actually, before I tell you, I just want to say, in the last week or so I have come upon one of the biggest surprises in motherhood that I have yet encountered. And that is, I had no idea how much of a concerted effort it would take to keep my child from being that kid everyone points and laughs at.

I thought weird habits and behaviors happened in people who didn't have cool, attentive parents to gently guide them in the cool way to go. I didn't know that kids were born weirdos who had to be retrained. Perhaps I'm being to broad, but I really feel like Bo has all the environment and genetic input to be a cool, normal kid and he seems intent on proving me wrong. I've mentioned the fresh slobber supplying and the clickity clack talking, but so far I've tried to keep the nose-picking and sampling a little more hush-hush. And recently, I haven't been inclined to share his new habit of licking his pointer finger and poking it in to the corner of his eye. To "get the dust out" he says. Only, I saw him DO IT IN HIS SLEEP. I am sorry, but that's just nuttier than a fruitcake in my book. And where does it come from!? I guarantee it's not learned.

I've questioned myself a lot over the last 4 years. When he was 15 months old, he used to take a cloth and wipe surfaces, mimicking me cleaning, of course. Those who know me well, might contend that too was not learned. However, he started interspersing a good hearty nose-blow into the middle of all this surface cleaning. Wipe, wipe, wipe with the cloth, bring to nose, blow mightily, wipe, wipe, wipe with the cloth again. I even thought when I saw him do that for the first time---that is so weird, where on earth does he come up with this stuff, surely I don't do that without realizing it!?!?! That's how messed up this kid has me.

Anyway, I'll just tell you the conversation. You can draw conclusions.

"Bo! I don't ever want to see you doing that again, EVER. That is incredibly disgusting. Don't ever do it again. Why on earth would you even do something like that? Go wash your hands!"
"I was just...."
"No, never mind, I don't want to know why you would do it, I just want you to make sure you don't ever do it again. Okay?"
"Even if it doesn't make my hand smell bad?"

I ask you, is it normal to try and bargain like that at 4? Even for a disgusting "privilege"?

I told you I had nothing to post. Now I've gone and pulled you into the ditch with me...

*For those of you concerned he might actually become a brain surgeon, he is quite obedient when told to wash his hands.


S said...

Ok you had NOTHING to blog about but the last two lines was worth it:0 Hey if it is any consulation we have NOTHING going on here either. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING just wanting on postings.

Tori :) said...

LOL! How do kids come up with these things???

Barnecked Lady said...

Where's my nickel??? or is that why Bo needed to wash his hands, wait.......nevermind, I don't want my nickel...keep it?!?!?!??!

No Cool Story said...

I still like you. And I'm doing it for free. Keep your nickel Nobody! This one is on me.

1-I liked that on your Avee was sick story, it was You my friend, who was happy at the end. Awww :)

2-Oh you gentle guide to way of cool...Don't you see dude? When you say "I'm taking liberties" that's when Karma kicks in.

3-I'm thinking that Bo is still wiping fpecks from his eyes.
'Cause those hurt you know.

Sketchy said...

I don't need a nickel, it's enough to know that someone else has symptoms of my life going on.

Code Yellow Mom said...

I'm mostly laughing about needing to clean the house while we watch. My husband needs to do that all the time. So I let him after he gets the kids in bed. he, he, he.

and shoot, i'd give YOU a quarter or maybe a whole dollar for this post, because it made me like you even more and Ben more than ever. and not in a point and laugh sort of way, either. :)

Thoroughly Mormon Millie said...

I want a dime. I LOVE you.

How many conversations I've had with my kids about not "doing that because it makes their hands smell bad," I don't want to even think about.

I loved "Kids are born weirdos and have to be retrained." Pure awesomeness.

Beckie said...

I'm still trying to train my weirdo. He's seven. I really wonder how this kid can be mine, must be Jason's. Or mabey he got a little weird form me and a little weird from Jason to make one whole weirdo (that's right I CAN do fractions, despite what Jason says)Then there's no hope. no hope at all. Damn you, you damn dirty weirdo genes. Damn you! (think planet of the apes)
ps. I still love you, no matter if you have a weirdo.

Anne Bradshaw said...

Sorry they're all sick, and glad you're a strong mom. Just hopped over from Luisa's and had to pipe in because this brought back memories of my own mothering days. Made me chuckle more reading yours than going through mine :-)

Methodical wormer said...

Still liking you.... and being scared for the day my kid starts doing that kind of crap.

S said...

Ok my last line was supposed to say...just waiting on postings.