Monday, November 16, 2009

My BFF The Telmarketer

Uh. Mah. Gosh!!!

I had forgotten how ridiculous and frustrating and obnoxious tele-center people can be.

I had a fraudulent charge through Paypal about a month ago. I was advised to change any cards, passwords, etc that I had on my computer.

So I called about our credit card. They said they'd send another.

That was October 22nd, I haven't received it. I don't use the card, so I didn't notice it had been that long. But once I realized, it made me nervous that we had a card floating around out there, waiting to be used.

So I called to let them know it wasn't received and decided I'd just like it cancelled altogether.

You would think I was asking for the first born male of the Eastern European who took my call.
She would not close my account. Everything I said, she responded with, "I'm sorry you are having this problem, please can I have your social security number."

I honestly started wondering if the number on the back of the first canceled card was actually a scam number.

She, after 17 minutes, apparently wasn't authorized to pull the plug on the card, and transferred me to Jason.

Jason and me ain't friends. I hung up on him. Which, generally, is an impolite and juvenile thing to do. But I could not stop the madness with logic and reasoning, so I did what I had to.

I understand that these people have a job to do, and most of the time, they are just doing their job. I always try to take that into account, be patient, and not blame my frustration on the person.

But he would not close my account. Would not.

I said about 5 times, "I would like for you to close my account. I don't want to verify my address so you can send me another card, I don't want to tell you my mother's maiden name for the 5th time, I don't want to hear about how my card can be turned into a bomb shelter should I need it and how all of that is free to me. I just want you to cancel my card. Please."

He would then say, "As I said Mrs Nobody, it takes a few moments."

Finally I snapped, "How long is a moment in your world, because it has now been 15 minutes since you said that last!!!!"

I think he may have even said, "I'm not the enemy here, Nobody."

But I could have made that up.

He kept talking, telling me about all the benefits of my platinum card. Finally I just started saying every three seconds, "Please close my card. Please close my card. Please close my card."

Finally he read the disclosure, asked me if I had any questions, and when I said I didn't, started to reiterate what the disclosure said.

"You really aren't reiterating are you? I've been on the phone for 43 minutes trying to close this card, and you're REITERATING!?!?!?!"

I think he thought I was calling him a name.

Then he just got nasty. There are few things I hate more in this world, than people who are being nasty, cloaking it in polite words.

"Mrs. Nobody. Ma'am. I am trying to help you to understand."

That's when I said, "UNDERSTAND THIS SUCKAH!!!" Click.

No I didn't.


Barnecked Lady said...

I seriously LOled at "UNDERSTAND THIS SUCKAH!!!" , I wish you would've said that. It's been such a long time since I've said something so good! lol. Can I call them for you????

Sarah Tilley said...

hahahahaha! i seriously hate dealing with people over the phone, especially stupid people. because that dude was stupid. you should've asked to speak with his supervisor so you'd get another 45 minutes of asinine bull crap. ;)

glittersmama said...

crap. Why do you lead me on like that?

Klin said...


I must recited your good lines to tell the next tele person I speak with. I might even be a bit encouraged to actually answer those annoying phone calls.

I will of course forget it all by the time I have sense enough to post it, but I will have FUN!!!!!


Mrs. Organic said...

That would have been so gratifying, eh?

Charlotte said...

You say "close my account" they hear "tell me all your wonderful ways to take my money." You say "understand this sucka" they hear "yes, I want you to send me a shiny new card."

Sounds like they've been taking lessons in listening from my kids.

Adolescent Family said...

LOL! I feel your pain. No, I really do. I had to visit the IRS today. I so wish that I could have had "UNDERSTAND THIS SUCKAHH!" in my ammo bag. Although it might have come with a little birdy as well. :)

Code Yellow Mom said...

Oh the stories I could tell about the last few months and banks/credit cards. I think they have all gone mad.

And you are hilarious.

Amy said...