Tax Day Was Hard On Bo

Turns out the "Zero Tolerance Policy For Violence" at my son's school, only applies to my son, and not to the kid who's whaled on him several times already this year. The same one who's gotten him sent to the detention room for the second time this year. The detention room that is outlined in the student manual as their last resort after "a suitable number of interventions are tried with no success". Yeah, the one they send kids to left and right because precious few of the staff members there actually know how to deal with kids. Bo's teacher has never sent him to the skills room.

I don't have any real issue with this obnoxious kid. Other than thinking he's obnoxious and wishing my son would just stay away from him to save himself the trouble---but he's just that, an obnoxious little 5 year old boy with some serious impulse control problems. Bo only has mild impulse control problem.

N E Way.

Bo brings home a detention referral form and is hesitant to give it to me. I reassure him that whatever he has to show me isn't going to make me love him any less. Turns out, he's not so concerned about the "love" as much as he is about the "yelling" and whatnot.

I would totally scan the paper and show you all, but my scanner won't work.

Is it Mercury Retrograde or something?

It says "Bo had another students necklace around his neck, a different student pulled the necklace. Bo turned around and punched the student."

Heck yes he did!

And I hope the sweet boy has the sense to do it the next an obnoxious kid tries to choke him.

I actually didn't have an issue with any of it, it bugs me that he's going to detention, but he actually wasn't upset about it, so I wasn't going to worry.

Then I started getting annoyed that this kid keeps getting Bo in trouble. Turns out, no one actually saw the incident. The punk kid tattled that Bo punched him. AND the only reason the other kid got in trouble too is because Bo had a red ring around his neck from being choked, so there was evidence that the punch was instigated

Guess what else? Nearly 4 hours later, Bo still had a red ring along one whole side of his neck. To me, that indicates some serious chokage going on. And a definite need for a punch in the gut.

And what is the whole "Bo had another students necklace around his neck" business? Is that supposed to make him more culpable for getting choked. "Oh now Bo, if you just weren't wearing your friends necklace, none of this would have happened."

So, I got a babysitter for my two sleeping kids and took Bo up there. Bo has an incredible memory and I didn't want anyone trying to tell me things were different. My friend encouraged me to go in and make it clear to them that Bo would not be getting in trouble at home for defending himself. It really bothered me that they downplayed the necklace "pulling". Bo was choked and there is no way that wasn't obvious.

The first person I saw was the lady who tried to lie to me last time there was an issue. I'm sure she was less than thrilled to see me. She pulled me into a side room and we spoke. I kept it kind, but DUDE that was an exercise. Maybe I won't need to work out today....

Her are some things she said that I took issue with:
She pointed out again that it was someone else's necklace that Bo was wearing.
I tilted my head and furrowed my brow slightly and said, "I'm not sure I understand why that even matters?"
She just shrugged and moved on.
I told her he would not be getting in trouble at home.Then she told me part of the problem is that the child is being told something different at home than at school.
I laughed and said, "I can assure that's not the problem here and I absolutely will encourage my son to do whatever necessary--physically or not-- to get back the ability to breathe, regardless of who is taking it from him."

Then she told me he had the wherewithal to turn and punch the kid, then he should have had the ability to get away and tell an adult.

I said, "I have two responses to that. First of all, my son gets in trouble for such minor infractions, things that wouldn't be against the rules in any other place on earth, that he's actually afraid to approach the staff. Wouldn't he be breaking the rules to get out of line and get help? And secondly: I'm thirty-mumble mumble years old and this weekend my 4 year old accidentally head butted me in the face. I literally had to sit on my hands and close my eyes to keep from throwing her across the room. Now, you're telling me a 5 year old boy who's being hurt like that is supposed to have that kind of self-restraint when he's being hurt?"

She agreed but reiterated that he should tattle.

Yes Bo, I want you to grow up to be a sissy graduate of Stupid Sissy-Breeding School.

At another point she was commenting on how she documents and records everything that happens and then made the mistake of saying, "Anything you want to know about your son, I could tell you."

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why does he pee a little on himself to buy time to play outside more? Why does he still melt my heart when he talks to me? Why does he keep playing with the class bully?

So I said, "So, you could tell me why he was kicked in the face and given a bloody nose by this kid and then when it was brought to a teacher's attention (not his) the teacher said, 'hurry home so you don't get any blood on your clothes' instead of cleaning him up and dealing with the naughty kicker?"

She said, "Did he tell someone about this?"

Well, let's see. I know about it. And uh, the teacher who told him to hurry home. So yes, I'd say he did tell "someone".

And I wanted to say, "What? You didn't know about this?" But I was determined to keep the conversation productive.

Anyway, it was a less effective use of my time. Next time I'm going to go up there, sign in, put on a visitor tag, and then walk over to the wall and bang my head on it. Hard. For like 8 full minutes. And then I'll take off my tag, sign out, and tell them, "I just wanted to save all of us some time and trouble."

The main things that are important: Bo knows that sometimes stupid stuff happens even if you didn't really do anything wrong. He knows that we are on his side all the time, always. He knows that we do not encourage being a tattle tale, and sometimes taking care of yourself however necessary, is the best answer. He knows that Mama laughs when people are dumb, even when she probably shouldn't.

I mentioned when we first got there that I was concerned that their zero tolerance policy on violence wasn't working out so great, particularly for my son.

When I was leaving I told her, "I will let him fulfill the lunch detention even though I do take issue with a 5 year old losing 1 of his only 2 recesses." I wanted it to be clear that he would be doing the detention because I said it would be okay. And I also said, "When can I expect to hear from Mr. Principal with your action plan to keep my son from getting hurt by another child's hand." I decided I would make Bo the victim (even though I don't think he is and Bo doesn't think he is) so they'd have to provide answers for me.

Honestly, if Bo got hurt once a week from this kid, I'd probably turn it into a life lesson and we'd deal with it. But this incessant need his school has to see someone punished, is making me insane.

I made J sign the form because I want to send the message that we are both involved.

And J wrote on the bottom, "Bo was probably upset by the US Tax code. We're making him write to Congress." and circled the date "April 15, 2009"

Methinks my husband has very little respect for the school's policy.