Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Quotable Quotes

Quotable Quotes was a section in the Reader's Digest that I used to read regularly when I was young.

I'm sure I didn't understand half of what was being said, but I just loved the phrase "Quotable Quotes". And I'm pretty sure at some point in my young life, it was my greatest goal to make it into Quotable Quotes.

"No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care"
-Nobody

Is that quote taken? Is it legal to replace "Author Unknown" with your own name? I'm going to look into that...

Like I have with a lot of ambitious goals in my life, I've moved on. Now my greatest goal is a number on the scale that doesn't make me pass out every time I see it. Or to make it out of the house someday without some child's googe marking my clothing.

Now I live with these little people who say things that I think deserve their own little corner of a page.

Avee:
While admiring her attire and glittery, heeled shoes, she very casually but matter-of-factly stated, "When you look as pretty as I do in these clothes and these shoes, you get to be the boss of everyone."

When describing people who smoke, "He's outside with the people who blow the fire all the time."

While being so very Avee-esque, "If I don't like you I will slap you in the face with the cell phone. I like you though, so I won't slap you very hard Mom."
************************************************************************
Bo:
After losing his first tooth (he had one pulled a year ago) and having super lame parents, "I checked under my pillow and my tooth was still there. Then I checked under your pillow because last time she left my money under your pillow for some reason.... maybe my tooth just wasn't worth enough."

After I spotted a little wet spot on the front of his pants and asking him what happened, "Oh, I just peed a little to give myself some more time to play out here. Oh FINE, I'll go finish in the bathroom."

Danyo:
Sorry, I got nuthin'. He still doesn't talk.

You know, I write about these kind of casually, and ultimately they make me laugh, but on another level, some of this concerns me. I do not, do NOT for the life of me understand Avee's obsession with clothing. Almost every time she makes a comment about how great her clothes make her, I respond with something like, "I love you because you're sweet and funny and nice and a good sister and smart...." or "It's not your clothes that make you pretty, it's your smile, and the nice way you treat people, and eating all your vegetables that makes you pretty." I could seriously be a an elephant blowing through my trunk for all she hears or responds to what I say.

The slapping thing? I have no idea. She has this bully complex that's immediately shattered by the sound of her menacing threats.

And about the boy? Who cares if you can do long division in your head before the 1st grade, if you honestly think peeing on yourself to make room for one more Pokemon battle with your friend, is acceptable?

The End.
P.S. UCMama--you can comment. I'll respond. Big baby.

30 comments:

Klin said...

First!!!!!!!!!

Klin said...

I love Bo's excuse for his wet spot. That is a classic.

Avee and her fire blowing people - LOVE IT!

Danyo- Can't you just interpret for him. He's your boy, surely you know what he means.

Klin said...

Hey can I be third, too?

Klin said...

Sorry, I'm just so excited about being first I can hardly control myself.

I'm going now;)

Howertons in Iowa said...

That's just funny.
All of it.

Funny.

I have a couple of super duper cute pics of Avee for ya, but I have a sick kid, so you'll just have to keep waiting for her in those awesome red tights and vintage pink dress. :)In true Hobo princess, Avee fashion of course.

Camille said...

Ah man. Your kids crack me up!! I don't comment often because, well, i'm a bad lurker, but I just have to say that I love following you and the hilariousness that is your life.

InkMom said...

I, too, was a regular reader of RD as a child. But I skipped the Quotable Quotes section.

I think I can pretty much infer the meaning of "googe" from the context, but I'd still like to hear exactly how you might define it. I'm dead serious right now.

Avee's kind of right, you know. Don't you really feel like you could knock'em dead when you're wearing something fabulous with power shoes on? I know I do . . . even if it absolutely goes against everything I've ever been taught about self-image, somehow the perfect black peep-toe pumps with a pencil skirt and a fantastic jacket make me feel like I can take over the world. Or just be the boss. Because I DO deserve it. And I promise not to slap you hard with the cell phone, either, because I like you so much.

I think I like this kid.

Mrs. Organic said...

I think I need better shoes and better clothes, because I SO want to be the boss of everyone.

Mikelene said...

Definitely worthy of the "QQ" section!

S said...

I believe she gets that bully complex from earth girl? What do you think! Leon just said I hope Red is nice to her cousins. Yes I laughed. Poor Red is she going to survive?

S said...

Its the silent one that scares me the most!?!!

Code Yellow said...

I just think it's hilarious that Bo can ARTICULATE the DECISION to wet a little to buy time. I'm going to be laughing about that for a good long time....

And Aves? Just be glad it's slapping with the cell phone and not removing body parts. That's what we've got going on here. Chopping off of heads and arms is the threat if they don't like you. Yikes. I'd take a good whack with a T-Mobile any day. :)

Shouldn't it be "NOBODY cares how much you know...?" Or Nobody doesn't care? Or something like that? I mean, if you're gonna take credit for it....

I'm a big fan of Laughter, the Best Medicine in RD. My grandma gives me her free gift subscription every year because I used to read it at her house. Cute, huh? Your quotables are about 100 times better, though.

Ha. Peeing for time. Still laughing. :)

SAHM Scrapper said...

We must have the same tooth fairy.

omar said...

I used to try to think of jokes to submit to RD once I found out that they give you money if they use one of yours. I don't think I ever actually submitted anything, though. Maybe I'll submit some of your kids' quotes to RD and Parents Magazine. If enough of them are accepted, I'll NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN!

Mycurlyhairdays said...

The whole "beautiful/pretty" thing. Yeah, we work on that, too. Sessa loves sticker earrings, headbands, wearing 2 shirts everyday, wearing pink or purple everyday, and wearing a skirt every chance possible. Last week she was crushed that we weren't going to church because she didn't get to wear a church dress!
Our bully is little M. I hate it! Don't know why.
Hang in there mom! You can do it!

MommyJ said...

I love your kids.

The end.

the other Camille said...

I almost spit my cereal out when I laughed at that first quote of Avee's. We, too, are struggling to get Sophie to understand that yes, we think she's beautiful, but the most beautiful things about her are the way she's thoughtful, curious, persistent, and such a great sister. She could not care less about that stuff right now and only wants to make sure she has the most beautiful dresses and the fanciest shoes. If you figure out what to do about this, please let me know. I have a sinking feeling that, like pretty much every other thing I try to teach my kids, it's the kind of thing I'll have to repeat and model and repeat and model for a LONG time before it starts to sink in even a little bit.

Millie said...

Love QQ.

Ben's "I just peed a little" is awesome. Way to find a solution, man.

Big Jay said...

I'm trying to think of how knowing this information about BO will be useful to me as he gets older. He'll have to do something really really bad to convince me to use it to get revenge.

Sara said...

I LOVE Avee! The clothes quote is the funniest I've heard in a long time. I may have to start using that one. That would go off really well as an adult...When you look as pretty as I do.....Heh. Of course, followed by the cell phone-beating, people don't really stand a chance; they'll have to obey my every whim. When I rule the world, I'll make sure to give Avee (a little) credit.
I just remembered that I forgot to respond to your email. I am so lame. But you can;t say anything, cause then I'll beat you with my cell phone. :) Sorry, though. And my kids actually don't watch wonder pets, but I figured I was just dense or something, when I didn't get the reference. Sometimes I can be dense. But it's okay if I wear pretty clothes.

Sarah Tilley said...

hee! i love the quotes. avee sounds hilarious. i want a little girl just like her, because honestly, any girl in my house would have to have a strong fashion sense, as i have none whatsoever. nad henry threatens to kill me every time i make him do something he doesn't want to. then he runs up and hugs me and tells me he loves me. i hope that doesn't mean he's going to go all norman bates on me...

aubrey said...

okay. so i READ these things that your kids say but it makes me really wish i could actually SEE it. live action. to hear what avee's voice sounds like when she threatens to slap you with your cell phone.

and i am wishing that max will never pull that pee-ing a little excuse on me. oh dear.

aubrey said...

i just tried to read your post to paul, while laughing, and it just didn't come through as well as it did in my head.

Sarah said...

"If I don't like you I will slap you in the face with the cell phone. I like you though, so I won't slap you very hard Mom."


I'm going to use that quote a lot, that's great...

Sarah said...

correction .. just not the mom part

Sketchy said...

OK, am I the only one who used Bo's philosophy as a child? Seriously?

I don't think you need to worry. I turned out fairly well and I hardly ever pee on myself anymore.

With Avee I think you are just stunned that out of all the genes floating around in your gene pool God pulled out a fashonista.

With Danyo I think you are just being lazy. Either that or he is just too worried about being held up to such a high standard of QQs that run in your family.

ucmama said...

Oh I'll comment all right, I just wanted to make you sweat a little wondering if I'd really go on strike.

I think Avee's bully complex comes from me. I smack her when you're not looking. OK fine, I don't smack her, she really smacks me, but I didn't want to look like a weinie.

Is that how you spell weinie?

NOBODY said...

Klin 1-4: Yay! You are funny!
I try so hard to interpret for Danyo. He only says Mommy and Spongebob clear enough for me to understand.

Howerton: Sorry about your sick kid. Hope your house is healthy now! Can't wait to see the pics.

Camille: Thank you. You can lurk all you want if you every once in a while make my day with a nice comment like that!

InkMom: "Googe", pronounced "Goozh" is anything of unspecific origins found in or on unusual places in my life. Namely, my clothes, on door handles, and often on or under the kitchen table. Sometimes in my shoes. It can also be used as a verb. "He googed me". It is never pleasant.

And it's been a long time since I've felt like what I am wearing could "knock 'em dead", but you are probably right. As is Avee. :)

Mrs. Organic: I tell my kids I spent a lot of years doing what I was told, eating vegetables, going to bed before everyone else, taking baths, etc, etc---so that I could grow up to be the boss. They can aim for the same great goal.

Mikelene: I suspect the real QQ editors wouldn't necessarily agree. :)

S: Poor RED survive? Are you KIDDING me!?
And "silent one that scares me" made me laugh out loud.

CYM: I put the "No one cares..." quote in for you. Thanks for not letting me down. :) But I like your suggestion SO MUCH--it's made me giggle all weekend. I hate when a perfectly good chance to be clever passes me by! I can't believe I didn't think of Nobody.

SAHM Scrapper: I laughed out loud when I read this. I've gone back and forth between feeling guilty and knowing I'm not alone.

Omar: Good luck with that. :)

MCHD: I guess you know all about the princess girl stuff, eh?

MommyJ: Thank you.

The other Camille: I laughed out loud at your name. I really really hope the repeat, model, repeat method works. I can't have this little heartbreaker being shallow. :)

Millie: Awesome unless it's your lazy kid.

Big Jay: He's your lazy kid.

Sara: As long as you're pretty...

Sarah Tilley: I wouldn't necessarily call it fashion "sense" but it's definitely strong. What's so funny about being a parent is, you never really know how totally insane a child is until you have one. I'm sure Henry loves you way more than he wants to kill you.

Aubrey: Picture, completely inappropriate emotion paired with what she's saying. It's as though she's just had a great idea--not a menacing threat. Very disconcerting.

Sarah: Let me know how that works out for you. :)

Sketchy: Really!? You did that too? I think I might be relieved, because I do believe you no longer pee on yourself to buy some time. I have every hope that Bo will grow up to be as stable.

And your comment about Danyo made me laugh. You are probably right.

UCMama: You can spell weeny any way you want. I'm not sure it's even a real word.

Tori :) said...

Bo peeing a little made me laugh so hard I had to pee a little so I could finish the post.
FINE! I'll go finish in the bathroom.

No Cool Story said...

"When you look as pretty as I do in these clothes and these shoes, you get to be the boss of everyone."

OMgosh that girl speaks the truth.
Testify!!