Things That Change You

Do remember those certain moments in life that sort of define how you are today? Not big life changing moments (although, I guess they could become life changing) but--more like small moments that change how you view the world?

I was thinking the other day about some when I went to wash and condition my hair, and did my usual, check and double check of the label on my shampoo and conditioner bottle.

When I was about 5 years old, my mom let me wash my own hair. And so I did. And I done good. When she came back, she asked me if I had washed it. I told her that I had. And she looked around and said, "with what shampoo?" I pointed to a large bottle. She picked it up and said, "This is conditioner, not shampoo!" I insisted it was shampoo, I had looked at the label and saw that it was shampoo and knew that by reading it, I could be trusted to wash my hair with shampoo. She showed me the label, and it did in fact say conditioner. I scoured that label looking for ANY word that looked like shampoo. I was SO SURE.

Of course I was wrong. But I remember so clearly seeing the word shampoo and feeling confident that I wasn't acting like an irresponsible 5-year-old.

To this day--I will not pour it out into my hand or put it on my head until I've seen the word "shampoo" at least two times on the label. More likely 3 or 4 though. Even if the bottles are different colors. Even if I'm completely out of conditioner, I will still check the label of the only bottle available.

Another one:

When I was about 9 years old I was outside when someone was visiting our house and I was laughing and smiling and doing my darnedest to get attention. After the lady left, my mom said to me, "You didn't brush your teeth today." She was right, but I didn't care. I had more important things to worry about than dental hygiene. But then she said, "It's really pretty awful Nobody, people see this pretty little girl with a great smile and beautiful red hair and then you smile and then they think 'eeeeewwwww, that's a shame, she'd be so cute if she had clean teeth'."

Of course what I heard first was "pretty little girl". But the description of me smiling with nasty teeth really stuck with me. It didn't just convince me to brush my teeth regularly, but it made me aware that people see more than I realize they see. And you'll be relieved to know, that I take personal pride in my dental hygiene now.

Fast forward many years.

I was about 23 years old. I was going to college in Northern Utah and my cousin was going to school about 100 miles south. We were going to drive to our family reunion in California together. We met and packed up the car in Salt Lake City and started to head out of town. We were winding our way to a freeway entrance. I think we realized we needed gas. She went to make a left turn from a middle turning lane. The two lanes in the opposite direction were slowing down for a red light. The lane closest to us slowed to a stop to let her through. The second lane was slow, and she slowly rolled through when a jeep came flying down the lane and broadsided us. It was my first and only car accident. Because I could move and nothing was broken, I thought it was no big deal. The stupid jeep was going about 35, when he was supposed to be slowing to a stop anyway. Either way, it was our fault, so it didn't matter how fast he was going. The best/worst part of the story---it was a mechanic test driving a customer's car just before he finished up and gave the car back. Yikes, eh?

To this day, I will not make a left turn like that. I can't bring myself to do it. If there is any traffic at all, I'll go to a light to turn around. The weird part? I'll totally do it for a right turn.

And then the last one I was thinking about.

Not much later, when I was a senior in college I lived with a great group of girls. One had been my roommate the year before. Another was a freshman girl I had babysat when I was 14-17 years old and her dad was in med school. Her mom and I had remained friends after they moved, and that year, Camille and I became very good friends. Later she babysat Bo for me when I worked a part-time job while J was in school. Then we traded childcare for date nights, and when we weren't doing that, we spent the time dancing around the streets singing "The Circle of Life".

So that's not the story. The story is---I was kind of a rude person. I didn't hesitate to make other people the butts of my jokes. I had no idea how rude I was. Because I still had the world view that people saw the world the same way I did. And I didn't mind people making jokes at my expense. Well, only if it was funny.

Well, we had a roommate named Heidi. And Heidi had a friend named Heidi. Who called 2-3 times a day. But Roommate Heidi was rarely home, so Friend Heidi would leave a message. And she'd say, "Hi Heidi this is Heidi, just calling to say hi!" And she said the same thing EVERY time. It was really funny. But because I deemed it kind of ridiculous, I sort of treated her like she was. I didn't consciously THINK that about her when we were together, but I definitely treated her that way. So, one day she was over at our house and she said something and I responded with something I'm sure I thought was funny, and I'm positive was rude.

Then I heard Camille say, "She isn't trying to be mean, I promise, she's really very nice."

It struck me to the core. I couldn't believe that THAT was being said about me, and I watched Heidi's face kind of change like, "Oh, she isn't picking on me because of me?" and I felt horrible. As I should have.

I doubt Camille remembers this. I hope Friend Heidi doesn't remember this. But I'm glad I do. There is no place for that kind of humor and if someone else has to be the butt of your joke, it isn't worth it. Unless you sit and make bracelets at a Girl's Night Out and I know you can take it. Then all bets are off. I will totally make fun of you, all for a laugh.

What are some of your "defining moments"?