Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Spittin' Image

I'm hoping that people who read this blog, that don't know me in real life, realize that I only write about a small part of our lives. On any given day, my kids can be tyrants or angels. Genuis or Gumpish. Hilarious or annoy the living daylights out of me. Of course, the beauty of this blogging business is, you only get to see what I put out there. Fortunately, I have real life friends who also read this blog, so I know I'm not completely a false advertisement. Or so I like to tell myself. In those lonely lonely nights when I'm alone. Blogging.

That being said. We have been having a problem with Avee spitting. I have no idea how or why she picked it up, but she is persistent in trying to land gobs of slobber on various people and things. It's disgusting. After trying lots of different ways of good solid parenting, to get her to stop, I finally had to pull out the spank card. And use it. She got a swat for spitting on the baby. That's a big deal. She was devestated, I was very stern with her, and I was certain the problem was solved.

So today imagine my surprise when....
I was sitting outside reading with my niece, "watching" Avee and Danyo playing. Suddenly I see 4 boys, 9-12 years old, all jump up and run across the yard, in the opposite direction from us. I see them throwing frantic glances over their shoulders and I looked around myself, for the threat.

I see Avee, sort of following, with a slow and casual saunter, in their general direction. It didn't add up. So I called out to one of the boys, "What's going on A?" He answers, "I don't know." Even more perplexing. So I look back over at Avee, still making her way toward them, and I see only her profile, but I can see her face is somewhat contorted and I see what looks like a large cotton ball on her chin. I take a guess, "Is she spitting?"

"Uhhh, yeah. I think so!"

"Avee Kathryn you get over here right this minute!"

She comes immediately. Furiously wiping her face over and over with the back of her hands. By the time she gets to me, there is no evidence.

"Were you spitting?!"

"Yes."

"What have I told you about spitting!?"

"I wasn't spitting on people."

Ohhhhhhhh. Well then. I had to fight every urge not to burst out laughing at her brilliant little defense. She was terrorizing a pack of boys, 3-4 times her age, but she wasn't spitting on them. Just following them with a gob of spit.

I keep telling her pretty girls don't spit. But she keeps proving me wrong all.the.time.

In other news, we went and met Bo's kindergarten teacher today.

I am aware, that as a first-time mother of a kindergartener, I am hyper--something. Hyper-everything, maybe. I want the teacher to jump up and clap that she has the privilege of my preshy, in her classroom. I want her to have all his information memorized. I want her to thank me profusely for letting him come to that school. I want her to look at him and know that he is the most brilliant child to ever enter her classroom.

I also want her to teach him to stop eating his boogers and lend him lunch money when he forgets.

As we were getting in the car to go to the school, Bo said, "I'm getting so nohvous." It melted my heart. I love when my kids express what they are feeling. As we drove he said, "My nohvous is getting biggoh and biggoh." I didn't tell him that mine was too. And that my heart was in my throat.

He was very quiet and stayed very close to me.

He didn't say a word to his teacher.

At the very end, as we were about to leave, I bent down to him and said, "This is where you will come tomorrow to answer some questions, and this is who will be asking you the questions." His teacher chimed in, "Yep, it will be right here at this table!"

Bo finally looked up, looked her square on and said, "I alweady know evwuh thing. Evwuhthing."

I laughed out loud and said to his teacher, "Aren't you thrilled you are getting a student who already knows everything?"

I do not think she thought either of us was smart or funny.

16 comments:

Cindy said...

That teacher seems like a stick in the mud. Maybe she is just nervous meeting new parents and kids, maybe she will lighten up and laugh at funny jokes. Maybe..she is nervous because she has to think of something to teach BO, there has to be something he does not know!! Today I asked Bo if her was excited about kindergarden, and he said he was but I could tell he was a little nervous. He will be fine. You will be fine.

I want to be his kindergarden teacher. I already know everything too!! I don't need a degree, I would be great!!

And Parker can not hang around kids that spit. Gross!!!
I am kidding by the way:)

S said...

Yes she does! That goes for Avee and the k teacher!
BTW cindy cut.

Coordination Queen said...

Avee is my new hero! That is awesome. I wouldn't have been able to control my laughter on that one.

Yvonne said...

I loved reading about Avee--what a girl ; )

I just got off the phone with my daughter who today had her first day in Grade 1--SHE'S THE TEACHER. I'm not sure if there was a student there who was more nervous than she was.

MommyJ said...

I remember my first meeting with Jordan's kindergarten teacher...

at our first parent/teacher conference, I was so concerned about telling her all about jordan, and wanting her to think good of us, and think that I was a good mom, and doing all that I was supposed to be doing...

about half way through the conference, I realized that she actually felt the same way about me. Because if I don't like her, and I complain, then her JOB isn't going so well... ain't nothin she can say about the way I do my job. It's mine no matter what, but she actually kinda has to make the parents happy...

kinda changed my perspective from thinking that the teacher held all the cards to realizing that actually... I did.

And then I realized that teachers in general are just grateful when they have parents that care at all...

I'll get off my soup box. I mean my soap box. Although, soup boxes are probably bigger, so maybe I'll stick with a soup box.

I have a kid who went through a spit stage. It was never used so expertly as a weapon though...

Bryner Family said...

Hmm, I haven't had the spitting thing but Miranda's favorite things to tell her big sister are, "Don't do that EVER again!" and "You're so stupid!" when Jill beats her at anything. Ugh. I can't stand that word and I've tried every punishment that usually works. These kids always have to come up with something new, so we have to come up with something to add to our parenting handbook. Ugh! :) I am SO nervous for our meet the teacher night tomorrow. Jill is very excited but I'm majorly nohvous! They need to see how wonderful she is right away! Even I can see how wonderful Bo is. What's that teacher's problem? :)

Kristi Clinger said...

The spitting thing with Avee is too funny. I really hope it stops soon. It can be a very frustrating thing.
We meet Mackenna's teacher tomorrow. It just hit me today as I was cooking dinner that she'll be away from me all day. I just busted down crying. I can't imagine how I'm going to be on Monday.
Bo is such a smart little guy. I can only imagine once his teacher gets to know him she'll realize how awesome he is. Good luck with the first day.

Heffalump said...

Spitting girls and Kindergarteners that know everything...sigh...
My youngest son starts Kindergarten in a couple of weeks...if I can track down his birth certificate by then.

iowamom said...

Hannah had a similar, and equally disgusting habit...she would gather as much saliva as possible in her mouth then let it run out o her mouth, down her chin, etc...Her classic response when I asked her where she learned to do it? "Nursery!" :)

Sarah Tilley said...

i hope the teacher was just nervous or shy, not some humorless harpy.
while spitting on people is truly gross, i'd have taken it any day over henry's biting habit. back in the day when he was two and he wasn't so good with words, he defended himself and settled major disputes with biting. that was a very difficult habit for us to break, and embarrassing. especially when he bit some kid at the park and the kid's dad was all ticked off at me as if i'd pit trained henry with a bunch of dogs or something. thank goodness he grew out of that.
i used to gross out my sisters by spitting out a long string of saliva and sucking it back up before it hit the ground. avee sounds like she may have some potential there. :)

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

My 5 year old Melody is a chronic butt picker. I threw out all her size 4 underwear thinking that was the problem. Sadly it's been noted that she just enjoys digging at her heiny regardless of underwear size.

Clint & Becca said...

I distinctly remember my first day of Kindergarten. The most promiment memory that sticks out is that my dad (who it notoriously late for everything) was late picking me up. My heart sunk further and further as each of my classmates was greeted by their respective parent(s) and left with their paperwork pinned to the back of their t-shirts!

I don't remember how late he was (as the concept of time isn't very clear to a 5 year old). But I remember wiping the tears from my cheeks while being comforted by my teacher when my dad finally walked through the door!

Good luck Bo!!! Give em heck!!!

Emily said...

I drowned out my own sorrows in gut-wrenching laughter last night reading this. Avee and the teenage boys - Bo alweady knowing evwuhthing. . . I loved it!!! But the very last line is nothing short of a masterpiece.

seven said...

My (then TWELVE-YEAR-OLD) brother used to spit ALL THE TIME... everywhere he went, ever 5 seconds, it felt like. It was so obnoxious and gross... and then he started doing it in the house by accident because it was such a habit. My mom finally had to start punishing him because we were all tired of wetting our socks on his spit in the hallway.

No Cool Story said...

Next time you visit Bo's classroom, bring Avee and her super-spitting powers along.
That'll give the teacher a taste (literally!) of how amazing the Nobodies are.

ARE.

Annie said...

I had to pull out the "spank card" when my boys spit on their sister. I did it because it was something that I never wanted to deal with again. And I told them so.
I will retrain them over and over again not to use bad language or slam doors, but spitting isn't something I want to mess with ever again.