Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It feels like now, and it feels always, and it feels like coming home...

Today is mine and J's anniversary. I met him just a little over 10 years ago and we've been married 8.

I think my feelings for J can best be summed up in a Celine Dion song...

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life....

Okay, just kidding. I mean, it's sweet, right? But it's not me. And it's not him either.

A guy I dated half my lifetime ago, once looked into my eyes and very tenderly said, "I see closed doors, and I want to open them, I want you to trust me enough to let them open, I want to be that man..." and then kissed me for the first time. I think it was supposed to be this deep, meaningful, emotional, profound moment, but all I could think was, "What the hell does that mean? Closed doors in my eyes? Are you kidding me? Hmmm, I wonder if they are at least cute doors---maybe french doors.... oooooh what if they are trap doors...."

Moments like this might even sum up my dating experience. I dated some really great guys and on paper, a few of them would be everything I thought I wanted. In reality, not one made my heart skip a beat, I didn't miss most when they were gone, I didn't dream about what our children would look like, I didn't feel like nothing in the world could possibly be wrong when any of them took my hand.

Until J.

The first time he took my hand into his, it felt like coming home. I belonged there, and knew I wanted to be there forever. I never want to forget that feeling. All the way home to Saint Louis that night, Shawn Colvin's "Never Saw Blue Like That" played over and over in my mind. I was romantic once in my life.

J takes me as I am. In my finest moments, he is proud and supportive. In my weakest and darkest, he loves me all the same and lifts me up. He has taught me more about myself, about how I want to be, about being a good parent, and being a good person just by who he is. He doesn't preach, he doesn't complain, he doesn't correct.

He isn't perfect and he ticks me off and I pout and yell at him just as well as the next person. We argue, we disagree, we get on each others nerves. We get stuck in ruts, we get overwhelmed with the everyday things of life, and most moments aren't daisies and butterflies, as I much as I'd like them to be.

But J always tries to make me happy. He responds to my needs. He listens. He cares. He accepts, he forgives, he loves.

Everyone who knows J likes him. Except for maybe some of his employees that he's fired. He is one of the most likable people I know.

I love you J. You've been gone long enough that I miss you too. :) You have given me 8 fantastic years and I love facing life's hurdles with you. You make it easier, you make it worthwhile. There really ain't no place I'd rather be, than next to you sittin' next to me.
Thank you for choosing me.

And also, you're welcome. :)


Bex said...

Awwwwwww....so sweet! Happy Anny you two!

Klin said...

And you say you can't be romantic.....it's just different than the sappy stuff.

Congrats and Happy Anniversary.

Adolescent Family said...

Happy Anniversary guys! :)

Carrot Jello said...

I wanted to say "Awww", but somebody else already did.
Then I was going to say, "Oooh", but it wasn't really a juicy post.
Then I thought about "sigh", but then you might think I was bored.
So I've decided to just smile and wave, and say "Congratultions!"

Carrot Jello said...

And I meant to type "Congratultions".
Yeah, I...um...didn't want to be like everyone else.
Yeah, that's it.
I was trying to be cutting edge.

Carrot Jello said...

And that...is my anniversary present to you.
A cutting edge comment.
I hear everyone wants them these days.
You, are welcome.

Carrot Jello said...

And you might want to remember that when my anniversary comes around in September.
Of course, it will be out 19th, so you'll have to come up with something better than a comment.
I'm just sayin'.

Carrot Jello said...

I meant to say "our 19th", but I bit my tongue, and it came out wrong. For a minute there I bet you thought we had a movie about our anniversary coming out, didn't you?
I know.
It would be a good story.

O.k., I'm leaving now.

Super Happy Girl said...

YAY!!! Happy anniversary!

You guys are more like "Wind beneath my wings": Both you and J are wearing white. He's in a tuxedo with top hat, you on a flowy dress, waltzing, a fog machine cranked to the max...aaah, I can almost see it.

Super Happy Girl said...

How many times does Carrot get to comment before she breaks some sort of blog rule?

Sarah Tilley said...

congrats! you sound about as romantic as me- a cause to celebrate. ;) except i'm never reminded of song lyrics when i think of ben.

Bubbles said...


alicia said...

I LOVE this post for many reasons. The dating story is a classic. You and J are a great pair! Happy Anniversary to both of you.

Heffalump said...

It has to be a match made in Heaven for you guys to have produced three cutie pie red headed babies who are also full of wit and charm!

Stacey said...

Happy anniversary!

I bet that one guy wanted to open your doors to see your goods. Pervert!

Sherry said...

you scared me at the Celine quote

Suzanne said...

Great post, Nobody! Happy Anniversary to you guys!!! J sounds wonderfully supportive and I'm sure you're the same for him!

I'm the same way with not liking the really cheesy lines. I like my guy tough like a cowboy, tender on the inside, but a little gruff on the outside. Oh wait, was that a cheesy line??? ;)

Barnecked Lady said...

I'm pretty sure I just threw up a little. LOL!
I seriously had my bags packed and was ready to come up there and kick some sense into you, then I saw you were kidding about Celine Dion and unpacked my bags and calmly read the rest of your post.

Charlotte said...

I dated lots of guys I should have liked, but I was the same. I knew I found the perfect fit when I met my husband. Thanks for the reminder. I guarantee you those were trapped doors the other guy was seeing! (I tried dating the sappy romantic, too, you see).