Monday, October 12, 2009

"I Loved Her First"

I posted this first, two and a half years ago in March of 2007.
This is how I'm feeling lately....

Today I was driving in my car
And a song came on the radio
A man was singing about his little girl
That he was now giving away as a bride

“I loved her first” he sang,
About the day that she was born
And tears streamed down my face
As I thought of my own daughter at home

My morning was spent changing and dressing her
And doing her hair fourteen times
Followed by a battle to get buckled in her car seat
Just to hear her wail “no way mom!” two dozen times

Later she wanted me to hold her
But my body ached from the child I carry inside
Nothing I did seem to make her happy
And it was hard not to be annoyed by her whines

But alone in my car an hour later
My tears flowed uncontrollably
So that I had to pull over my car
And let them fall as I sat there alone.

Two short years ago she was the child I carried inside
Who made me too uncomfortable to hold my son
Every night she jabbed my ribs to say hello
Starting early to make her presence known

Then a tiny bundle of pink wrinkly skin
With the most sparse head of red hair
We all fell in love with her immediately
And I didn’t remember my heart before she was in it.

Eye contact, smiling, rolling, giggling, crawling, climbing.
Walking, climbing, singing, talking, signing, climbing.
Giggles, running, greeting, climbing, complaining.
Laughing, hugging, testing, climbing, and she can do it herself.

Every little thing she does, I get to be a witness to.
Kicking a ball, tasting lemons, loving her brother.
Suddenly two years are gone and I sit on the side of the road,
Crying about my two year old becoming an adult bride.

Will I forget to cherish the moments that lead there?
Will I accidentally get caught up in the trivial things,
And forget to notice the woman she’s becoming?
Will remembering I loved her first feel like I missed too much?


Plain Jame said...

Thats really the truth on so many levels for me. I love my kids insanely, and it feels impossible to capture the moments on any medium.

Rebecca said...

I love that song.. it always makes me cry.. not that I hear it that often! What a great reminder .. sometimes we have to remember the small things.. and the simple times!! I miss that little one!!

Cyndi said...

Whoa, wait a minute, are you pregnant? I caught a line in your poem that sounds like you are, but I did not know this. Is this an announcement or am I just out of the loop or just loopy. :) Do tell! Love that song and your poem.

Cyndi said...

Never mind! I got the story!

Klin said...

Do I get to meet this Miss Avee? I know your loved her first. I'm pretty sure that I will love her when I first meet her. See you soon.

Code Yellow Mom said...

I liked it then and I like it now. So tender..."Will remembering I loved her first feel like I missed too much?" I'll be thinking about that a lot for a while now...Have to be so careful not to wish too many minutes away, huh? Even the screaming-for-mom minutes. :)

Eve said...

How sweet! And means all the more now that I've had a little girl. Looking over at her now and seeing her little one month face mushed into the side of her swing, I can't even imagine her being able to do anything on her own. I know it will fly by too soon though.

omar said...

The old Omar would have given you a hard time and gone on about equal representation for all of your kids.

The new Omar would do this also, but he's lazier.

Yvonne said...

So sweet. Hold that thought when she turns about 13 ; ) No, seriously--you will love her each and every day in spite of anything she may do. You will be amazed at the little things she does that will SCREAM you--and that is such a scary time.


mycurlyhairdays said...

I love her! And you!

Clint & Alicia McLaws said...

This song was my Daddy-Daughter dance song at my wedding. My dad starts to sob like a baby everytime he hears it. I do too :)