Sunday, March 20, 2011

Sunday Ramblin'

There was a time when I didn't feel a need to have something to blog about. I just sat down and started writing. I think those posts may have separated the wheat from the chaff. I'm sorry. But I do kind of miss the carefree blogger I once was. I want to blog regularly but I either don't have time or content, and the two never seem to meet up.

Last week was my Spring Break and it was lovely. J was out of town so it was just me and the chillin's....well, uh, chillin'. I couldn't help but notice that flying solo with a 7, 5, and 3 year old is CONSIDERABLY easier than flying solos with a 1 and 3 year old, like I did every week in Texas. Babies are hard. While the week went more smoothly, I always prefer J home. I like that boy.

Little Miss Avee is going to be 6 in one week. I started blogging on her first birthday. So, I guess there will be TWO birthdays around here. I can always make something about me.

Tonight I had the kids start keeping a journal. Bo was none too pleased about it. In an effort to convince them that they'd like reading it when they were older, I told them about stuff I'd read in J's journal when he was a little kid. Like, when he was about 10 or 11 and he wrote that he'd asked Lisa to be his girlfriend and she said no, and he wrote, "I don't blame her." Totally cracks me up. You might think it's a sad depressed little entry, but that's not how J rolls. It was more compassionate and understanding of Lisa than it was pity for himself.

Avery wrote that she was in "kindrgrtin". I got to watch her sound out all the sounds in the word. It was adorable. She wants to do it right, but I want to prolong this phonetic spelling so I'm kind of not very honest right now. She'll thank me later. I'm sure of it.

Tonight we were at some friend's house for dinner and my friend was telling me about this adorable old woman she saw wearing a fedora. As we were on the conversation of the elderly, Avee, playing the wii, chimed in---"I love old people's elbows!" We all laughed because it was so bizarre and random---but it is classic Avee. She tries to say the most bizarre things and every once in a while she nails it.

So, I actually have a problem I'd love some input on. In the past I've gotten some great suggestions or insights or reassurance on this blog, so I'm hoping for some more.

Danyo is kind of rotten. He's actually adorable and sweet and charming. But lately, for probably the last couple of months, those characteristics are rare to be seen. He's short tempered, he's demanding, he's inconsolable, and he has an awful fierce little mouth on him. A couple of examples. If he wants something and I don't respond within a couple of seconds (I don't hear him, I'm on the phone, I'm driving, another child is talking to me, I can't understand him) he completely loses it, starts yelling, screaming, crying, and basically cussing me out, I'm stupid, he hates me, etc, etc. I can calm him down from that fairly easily, but it's excessive.

If he wants something and I say no, he pesters endlessly. "You say no and I say yes!" He'll say that for about 20 minutes. He wants to hit me. He hates me. He won't just go and disobey, but he will not leave it alone. I will explain why he can't have something, offer alternatives, distract, do a number of things but he won't stop.

I feel like I could list a zillion examples.

The other day he was at preschool at my friend's house and he wanted an umbrella and she told him no. He started to call her stupid but he stopped. I was so glad he had enough sense to not finish, but I realized then that it was a problem that needed to be addressed more fully.

Honestly, if I saw a kid behave like he sometimes does, I would think something was amiss at home. He often talks through clenched teeth when he's mad, which seems to me to be a learned behavior and he doesn't see that here. Although this morning when I was helping him get dressed I grabbed him up and said, "Oh my gosh you are so cute I could just EAT YOU" and realized right afterward that I said it through clenched teeth. But that was a NICE thing! :)

"I hate you" and "stupid" have both been words that Avee and Bo have tried on for size, right around this age. But they didn't get mad as often or throw as many fits as him, so we just didn't hear it as much.

My take on it is that he doesn't feel like he has enough control in his life. He is genetically predisposed to a short temper (both J and I are short-tempered, but we've learned how to manage it over the years. :) ). He doesn't have adequate coping skills and it's my job to teach them, but I'm a little bit at a loss. And he's annoying when he's angry so my tolerance for dealing with him is considerably shortened. Sometimes when he's totally crazy and I don't know what's set him off or how to talk him down, I wonder if he has some bizarre food allergy that makes him crazy. That's how crazy he can make me. :)

Any ideas?

You should know, there isn't anything amiss at home. He doesn't see any fighting or name calling at home, Avee and Bo are pretty mild-mannered, J and I get along swimmingly, etc. I just don't know.

Okay, we're going to watch "Waiting for Superman".

I will send a batch of cookies to anyone who gives me the cure for Danyo. :)

P.s. I make good cookies.


Analiese said...

Just send him to Australia. Im pretty sure he was watching Oprah and he doesn't know how to get here and he is blinking his eyes (cause he watched I dream of Jeanie) and it isn't happening.
Just send him here and I will sort him out and send him back to you with Tim Tams and Milo.

Mrs. Organic said...

My parents learned some anger management techniques to help my brother (who has grown into the sweetest, kindest father) when he was this age. Just email me if you'd like more info.

Deena said...

I like Mrs. O. I like cookies. I like Nobo. I didn't get enough sleep last night.

Charlotte said...

Is duct tape or earplugs an option? Different personalities go through stages differently. I'd tell you what I've done to fix it, but since my 6-year-old is still that way, I can't.

Rebecca said...

will they be your moms cookies..cause if not I won't tell ya..

Cindy said...

Parker, is going through something similar. I am much harder on him when he is home. I don't allow back talk....he gets a warning and then a "tap" on the face:) there are certain words he knows he can not say and he is put in a time-out in his room when he says them...that has been something that has really worked for us.

The temper and him wanting his way...hopefully is a stage. I just remind him that he is special, but there are others in the family, and everyone can not get their own way...all the time. Sometimes it gets him thinking and he stops.

Oh, and I take what he loves most....treats. He was naughty last week and could not have treats for 4 days. Worked like a charm!!

For us our biggest challenge is him not listening. The treat thing worked great!!

So....beatings, lock them in their rooms and withhold food from them!!
I guess that is what I am suggesting:) good luck!!

Michelle Garff said...

Sounds like Xander to me. I would be willing to discuss my research on how one's diet may relate to behavior problems via telephone. It obviously can't be anything related to my amazing parental skills.

Andrea said...

Maybe that you are gone to school and he misses you?
I read on a blog that when a child is "crazy" to spend way more one on one time with them and go on dates with just mom or dad. I tried it and it actually worked. Sometimes they just need some attention all to themselves. And lots of love.

Bubbles said...

A combination of the dates and the more firm disciplines recommended might do it. Once he gets in the habit of having dates, it can be used as another motivator and taken away if he has a problem. "I can't take you on a date if you behave this way..."

Mrs Lemon said...

I'm in that stage right now with Zachary, and it is so frustrating. And of course we're potty training too, so I really have to work overtime/double overtime to not be impatient and frustrated with him outwardly because I don't want to screw that up :)

Emily K. said...

You have smart friends.

It sounds simple, and I know you're the one with the psych. background so I feel dorky even mentioning it, but positive reinforcement is very important. Make a chart, start a "Nice Jar" and fill it with gumballs for each time he remembers to use nice words or good manners, or even give him a chart to carry around with him every day. I can't be creative right now since I haven't had coffee, and I know he's awfully young, but some kind of positive reinforcement connected to some kind of visual may help. It takes you out of the equation, too, kind of like how kids that age "obey" timers better than adults? It's a defined rule, like five happy faces earns him something at the end of the day that he likes? He can get mad at the happy faces, but maybe not so much at you. And for a 3yo that reward will have to be available pretty quickly, like daily or even twice a day.

Also, and maybe more importantly, hang in there. And if he throws a fit in public, just loudly say, "Oh no honey, did you have a little bit of WHEAT today, which you're allergic to? Did it make you CRAZY? Poor baby!"

Super L said...

I have few insights, but lots of compassion. Just Monday I was a big old ugly mean evil meanie mom.

But actually, Simon and my lil bro do have food-allergy-related meltdowns --food coloring (specifically yellow 6 for my brother) set off raging angry showdowns within an hour or so. And don't even get me started on what's in chinese candy . . .

If you want to, call me. We still have the Iowa phone number.