Monday, May 10, 2010

A Really Long Post

I started this post 6 days ago. I just finished it today. I didn't write in between. :)

A couple of days ago I got a call from my work telling me I'd been exposed to pertussis. Apparently I came within 3 miles of the sleeping baby who had it. I was to go to the hospital pharmacy and get some antibiotics and get started on them right away. (I'd like to hear your opinion if you think this is reasonable and even rational). I had to go before 5 pm, and totally forgot until 4:45. I went about rounding up the kids in my normal reasonable manner. GET IN THE CAR NOW! I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR SHOES, THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. And stuff like that.

Bo told me he didn't want to go and that I should get a babysitter. I told him that I didn't want to pay for the boy next door to babysit when I could take him for free. He offered to pay the $1.50 for the half hour I needed. He was HAPPY to pay it. He's pretty tight with his money, so this was particularly amusing to me. I got to go child-free and FOR free!

This morning as I was dropping off Avee at preschool I asked her to pick up a little pile of french fry stubs that were on the floor in the back of the van. She said, "How about you just take the van to the car wash? You can get some quarters out of my piggy bank for it." I laaaaaaaauuuuuuughed. Boy did I laugh. And she picked up the french fries.

I have to say though, I do feel some pride in my kids for thinking this way. Initially I was feeling some wonder, how did they get that way? Then I realized that I regularly offer J $50 (or $500, depending on the day) to change a diaper, give baths, switch the laundry. My kids are at least offering their money in the transaction. That means I'm raising children who are better than me. I'm amazing.

I just got back from a delicious 4-5 day visit to Utah. Child-free. Like sugar-free, but better. It was a little tiny slice of heaven. I'm having some hesitation to posting about it (even though I have some spoiled friends who want a play by play) because I will inevitably leave something out and plus, it was kind of boring.

I did throw a mini temper tantrum at the car rental place. The price couldn't have been beat. $13. With taxes, I was out the door in under $20. But the lady at the counter left MUCH to be desired. Typically I'm not one to judge on appearances because I have my own cross to bear in that department. But this lady was not even remotely professional in appearance, attitude, or helpfulness. Maybe she was the owner. That's how I'd be.

Anyway, my fit involved me not wanting a huge deposit taken out of my debit card (that happened to me once at a hotel and it got all screwed up, took more than they should, and took ages to put it back in) and not having an activated credit card. I forgot that my card was inactive and so when she swiped it, it was declined. So I called to have it activated. In the middle of me talking to the service rep, she says, "I can't swipe a card twice! If it's declined, I can't do it again." In the moment I was a little too flustered to respond or be rational, but seriously, can't swipe twice? Are you kidding me?

I had the dude activate my card anyway. Then because I actually gave credence to what she said about double swiping, I tried to get another card activated that had Jay's name on it. But that was a no-go. So I called J to have him call and activate. Again, the lady waited until after I had dialed, and started talking to blurt out, "Your ID and credit card name have to match!!" It was right then and there that I became officially annoyed. I was mid-sentence with J and I stopped, "You know what J, never mind. This is ridiculous. If this lady can't make this work, I'll call for a friend to come and get me." Then I got off the phone and said, "This does not need to be so difficult, you either want my business or you don't. So, you need to stop making this harder for me, and start helping me. If this card doesn't work, I will go somewhere else." She swiped the card, it worked fine, I was in a car within 2 minutes. I didn't even feel badly afterward about being kind of harsh. She was like making up crap to make it hard for me to rent from them. Weirdo.

Then I put my flip-flop and capris wearing self in the car and sent a text to my friend that said "What the hell! I'm wearing flip flops!" as snowflakes fell on the windshield and I waited for the heater to warm me. It was cold the whole time I was there. Rude.

I stayed the first night with Camille. Anyone who knows me well, knows I love Camille. We've known each other for 20 years. Camille is my apple pie, my sittin' on the porch watching fire flies, my hairy legs and she don't care girl. We are both equally horrible at staying "in-touch" (I used to be great, but then three kids and a healthy dose of apathy got in the way--just kidding) but hardly a moment has passed when we get together. Her kids are insanely gorgeous and really quite delightful to be around. It was nice to be able to soak them in without having to manage my own. Her youngest is the exact same age as Danyo. Actually, he's 4 days older than Danyo, and I can honestly say that those four days between A's birth and Daniel's, I did not like Camille one single iota.

I had a nice relaxing morning puttering around, chatting,and leisurely getting ready for the day. Then we puttered around town, had lunch, shopped, etc. It was truly a slice of heaven for me.

One highlight: I was trying all morning to get in touch with our friend Anna. Anna is a friend from college we both absolutely love. And she has 3 kids ages 1, 2, and just turned 4. So yeah, we figgered she was pretty busy, but I kept harassing her. Finally we gave up on the cell number I had tried another route. Her husband's name is quite unique so we were confident we could find it online. We did. I called it a couple of times and it went straight to voicemail. So, I figured that's why she hadn't called back, she has been tied up on the phone with someone else.

I don't do "second best" very well, so I called and left a harassing message on that phone. I said, "Anna! Answer your phone! I want to see you! If you don't answer your phone I am going to show up on your doorstep, wrapped in saran wrap and there will be a scene, and I'm fairly certain the police will be called."

And I hung up.

An hour or so later Anna called back. She had had to take the kids to the doctor. So I apologized for leaving threatening messages on her machine. "What message? What machine?"

"Oh, on your land line, your 592 number."

"Uhhhh, I don't have a 592 number...."

So we laughed and laughed and laughed and I thought I was going to collapse from laughing so hard. Then we said, "But it was your husband's name!" and that's when Anna laughed and laughed and laughed and said, "Oh, that's my mother-in-law's number!"

So yeah. That was pretty awesome.

Camille and I ate 3 meals that day between noon and 7 pm. That is also the awesome part about Camille. I'm twice her size and she can eat twice as much as me. Everyone needs a skinny friend like that. I'm pretty sure she's a convert to the love of Pho too. I'll have to verify that for sure though.

Later we met up with some of my friends from my mission. We talked nonstop. For like, 4 hours. It was at The Melting Pot so it was really a fun experience altogether.

I spent the night with my friend Alicia from the mission. I was laying down in the bed waiting for her to finish in the bathroom so we could chat away. The next sound I heard was the click of the door at 8 am as she was leaving the room for the day. I am fairly certain I haven't slept that soundly since 1992.

My friend Kiki picked me up at the hotel and we headed to SLC to pick up another mission friend. She flew in with her 6 year old that I've read about on the blog, but never met. He's darling. And hilarious. At one point we were discussing a place to go to lunch. Someone mentioned "should be kid friendly" and Henry piped up, "McDonald's is fun for kids!" They had later plans to go to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Henry thought they flew from North Carolina to Utah just to go to Chuck E Cheese's. Pretty awesome.

That night I met up with a bunch of bloggers for a baby shower for Carrie. I got to meet some new bloggers and visit with some "old" ones. That was a really great night. The highlight for me was when I sat down next to Compulsive Writer and told her my name. My REAL name. She greeted me kindly and then I decided, in case she knew my blog, I'd mention that. So I said, "I'm Nobody." She swiftly threw her arm around me and pulled me close, "Oh no! You are not! Everyone's welcome here!"

I didn't really know what to think. I thought it was a hilarious response, but I didn't know if she was playing off of my name, like a lot of people do. Then I heard someone say, "No, her blog is Nobody Called Today."

She was serious. What a really sweet lady. And I've laughed about that probably 17 times since.

I left with my bff Jen and we picked up Kiki on the way to our hotel in Sandy. They were planning on pulling an all-nighter. I planned on faking enthusiasm it for a good twenty minutes to avoid being ridiculed and then go to sleep. I did just that. In the morning, when I woke up fairly refreshed, Kiki told me she thought I had sleep apnea. I was startled to hear this. Until I learned that her definition of sleep apnea was that I "moved around ridiculously a lot". I was just loving the whole, I got a bed to myself, and living it up!

These girls are my people. I love being with them. I love talking, laughing, introspecting, making fun of, being made fun of, crying, laughing, with them. It was wonderful.

We had our mission get-together. Beforehand we stopped at a benefit garage sale. I bought two picture frames to bring home because J says I can't go into a store without buying a frame.

I spent all the rest of Saturday with mission friends. It reminded me of how amazing the girls I served my mission with were. They still are.

Sunday I got to visit with Anna again. She made me and Jen this amazing sandwich. She made us each a sandwich and a half. We objected to her making us so much. She replied, "It's just one and a half!" I thought that was so funny. And in classic Nobody fashion, I ate a sandwich and a half, while Jen delicately nibbled on the half and wrapped the whole to go. You'll note that neither of us left anything. Them sandwiches was GOOD.

My trip was so rejuvenating and so everything I could have hoped for and more. Thank you to all of my friends who uh....let me 'pend the night, paid for my meals, chauffeured me around, flat ironed my hair, laughed at my jokes....

And thank you Jay for holding down the fort so effortlessly. My kids missed me, but they didn't need me. They also managed to eat an entire Costco bag of salt water taffy.


Rebecca said...

first..for real..

Rebecca said...

so great to hear about your ..escapades.. sounds like you have great friends..but that is no surprise.. love the flip flops and snow.. giving the agent a hard go.. and salt water taffy.. love ya!

Super Happy Girl said...

Just ax me: You'll never be second best with me Nobody. You are somebody to me and you're always #1.

Secondly: You said hell. Bot in your blog and in Utah.
How dare you?

Lastly:That your kids are attempting to pay you to not be inconvenienced is cool way beyond words.

Bubbles said...

Next time make your way to CA chica!

Sarah Tilley said...

aw, you made henry famous. ;)

henry hasn't learned to bribe with money yet. he's more into trading favors, ie.e "if you let me have blank i won't do blank..." he hasn't quite figure out that him not doing something annoying isn't going to curry any favor with me.

i love kids.

Mrs. Organic said...

I loved Dalene's response. And of course, meeting you.

Klin said...

It is even more funny to read it again! How is that possible? SHG #2- cracking me up.

I've been accused of saying "What the heck" and making it sound good. I say hell more often. It was one of my mom's first words.

Loved seeing you even for the brief moment that we had.

Oh and Salt water taffy is yum.mee

Barnecked Lady said...

OH them are fightin words missy!!!!

Gypsy Girl said...

Four things:
1.) You are HIL-arious. I wish that I could meet your kids. (That may seem more like two things, but they were meant to go together as one continuous thought).
2.) The rental car thing has been a nightmare for me more than once.... You think I'd learn my lesson. But I'm thinking about renting one in Utah when I go at the end of the month.
3.) I'm going to Utah at the end of the month (I may have mentioned that already) and it better be warmer than 30 degrees because this lady will not be happy if it's snowing on her flip flops.
4.) I forgot what four was but it's best that I stop now anyway because this comment is longer than your post was.

mycurlyhairdays said...

Been lurking lately, but had to comment! What an awesome trip! I am so glad you got to go and have such an awesome time!
I don't ever tire of reading your blog!

Tori said...

So... you didn't wrap yourself in saran wrap? That's a disappointment.

Remember when you said "hell" the 1st time we met and you thought I might be offended. HAHAHAHAHA

Tori said...

Wait- you text someone?
WHAT THE HELL?!!? You never text me.

Code Yellow Mom said...

I think you got confused. You were supposed to go to uKRAINE, not uTAH. ;) This sounds like such a fun trip. I can't even go to the bathroom kidfree these days.

You should have seen David give the rental car place whatfer about the same exact issue once. You were not harsh. Neither was he, but it was um, tense, for a few minutes. :)

Amy said...

All mothers-in-law deserve a message like that.

compulsive writer said...

So late to respond, but it was lovely to meet you! It was also fun to find out how our circles crossed paths. You'll always be somebody to me!