Saturday, March 3, 2007

"I Loved Her First"

Today I was driving in my car
And a song came on the radio
A man was singing about his little girl
That he was now giving away as a bride

“I loved her first” he sang,
About the day that she was born
And tears streamed down my face
As I thought of my own daughter at home

My morning was spent changing and dressing her
And doing her hair fourteen times
Followed by a battle to get buckled in her car seat
Just to hear her wail “no way mom!” two dozen times

Later she wanted me to hold her
But my body ached from the child I carry inside
Nothing I did seem to make her happy
And it was hard not to be annoyed by her whines

But alone in my car an hour later
My tears flowed uncontrollably
So that I had to pull over my car
And let them fall as I sat there alone.

Two short years ago she was the child I carried inside
Who made me too uncomfortable to hold my son
Every night she jabbed my ribs to say hello
Starting early to make her presence known

Then a tiny bundle of pink wrinkly skin
With the most sparse head of red hair
We all fell in love with her immediately
And I didn’t remember my heart before she was in it.

Eye contact, smiling, rolling, giggling, crawling, climbing.
Walking, climbing, singing, talking, signing, climbing.
Giggles, running, greeting, climbing, complaining.
Laughing, hugging, testing, climbing, and she can do it herself.

Every little thing she does, I get to be a witness to.
Kicking a ball, tasting lemons, loving her brother.
Suddenly two years are gone and I sit on the side of the road,
Crying about my two year old becoming an adult bride.

Will I forget to cherish the moments that lead there?
Will I accidentally get caught up in the trivial things,
And forget to notice the woman she’s becoming?
Will remembering I loved her first feel like I missed too much?


Code Yellow said...

Oh, Angela. So tender.

No Cool Story said...

CYM used my line :)
Aww Angela, you are a great mom, I can see it in your kids' faces.
WOW. Those pictures are adorable.

Sketchy said...

Oh my goodness, I had this exact moment sitting on the side of the road bawling to "Butterfly Kisses" while pregnant with my 2nd child when my daughter was 1 and a half.

I love your poem. You can never stop them from growing, that's not our Father's plan, but you can treasure it.

Millie said...


That was just beautiful. I'm linking to it.

S said...

Back when I was young one would cry alone and not make all your friends and family cry with you. That was beautiful...well written. I see Avee is a climber??? She is so dang cute, love the pictures.

No Cool Story said...

I had to come back for more.
Just beautiful :)

Suzanne said...

Beautiful! Simply Beautiful, Angela! :)

Rebecca said...

Really, my eyes started to well up with tears until I saw the last photo.. and wondered.. WHO IS THAT HOT MAMA????